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    Anxious Attachments, FPs, & Being Too Reactive

    I'm having issues with getting too attached to people, even when I think I'm not.

    I suppose I do tend to "favourite" certain people. It's not fun.

    They usually tend to be very emotionally unavailable.

    If someone tells me that they're busy all the time, it makes me think I'm a nuisance and should just leave them alone.

    I have minor examples of "splitting" them as well.

    I don't usually lash out, but I say very passive-aggressive things that I later regret. It's always rooted in me feeling like I'm an annoyance.

    I just came out of a very strong anxious attachment to someone earlier in the year.

    I wouldn't wish it on anyone. The lows are so agonizing that the highs aren't worth the pain.

    #DependentPersonalityDisorder #Anxiety #AnxietyAttack #Anxiousattachment #FearOfAbandonment #personalitydisorder #Favouriteperson

    18 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    Favourite Person

    I try really hard to better myself and not inflict my unstable emotions onto other people. I’ve learnt not to react instantly and for the most part, have healthier and longer lasting relationships with people. However, internally I am still fighting the battle. The way my mood can switch because of one tiny thing when my FP is concerned is so hard to deal with. I was with them the other day when they said something and I felt my chest sink but I pretended I was fine, because for most other people they wouldn’t have even thought twice about what they said. But I’m glad I can keep it to myself these days because it does allow for healthier relationships! However, how do I help myself with the internal thoughts?

    Having an FP still eats me alive whether I show that or not. I’m sick of having thoughts about whether they’re going to leave me or not. I’m sick of splitting on them for no reason. I’m sick of feeling like shit because I have an FP. Does anyone have any advice on what I could do to stop all the horrible thoughts and feelings? Or to stop letting them consume me so much? I can rationalise them mostly. For example “they’re going to abandon me” I’ll hit back with something like “no they’re not they’re just busy and will reply soon” but I still can’t help but believe they’re ignoring me because they hate me and want to cut me off.
    I know there is never going to be a simple and easy solution to this. I’m not even looking for a solution. Just if anyone had any tips or advice on how to better manage intense feelings caused by having an FP. Or any advice on how to quicker move on from negative emotions! I have a habit of allowing my negative emotions to hang around a bit too long.
    I don’t think I’ve written this very well but hopefully makes some kind of sense. I appreciate there will never be an easy or quick fix but any help and advice would be really appreciated!!
    #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Favouriteperson

    1 person is talking about this
    Community Voices

    Has anyone ever got over the favourite person thing and don’t ever have them anymore?

    I have a genuine question, has anyone who has had this “favourite person” obsession for a variety of people over some time (as in not just one FP for years) ever got to the point when they do not have one anymore, ever? I get them so frequently and I can’t keep doing it. The answer to this will help me to figure out what therapy I’m gonna have. Tia #Favouriteperson

    1 person is talking about this
    Community Voices

    BPD Favourite Person Criteria

    Has anyone noticed a recurring criteria for their FP? Is it always a male or always a female? Is it always a platonic relationship or always an intimate relationship?

    For me, my favourite person is always a male whom I have a platonic relationship with. Prior to getting my diagnosis I was led to believe that I had a romantic interest in my FP because of the strong, intense feelings I had for them, but after receiving my diagnosis and gaining a better understanding of it, I came to realise that they were always platonic relationships.

    From what I’ve gathered, my FP is always a platonic male because my abandonment issues have been instilled in me since I was a kid from my father. And I was just wondering if anyone else had any big realisations like this?

    #BPD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Fp #Favouriteperson

    2 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    Without you.

    <p>Without you.</p>
    2 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    I’ll always miss you, my boy.

    My boy. That’s what I had started calling him without consciously realising. When I’d greet him I’d say “how are you my boy.” When I’d humble-brag about him and his talents, I’d point at him proudly and say “that’s my boy”.

    It feels like it’s been forever since my favourite person decided that his life would be better without me in it. But in reality it’s been two days.

    I don’t and won’t blame him. For the past two months, our seemingly unbreakable relationship had become rocky because my BPD had reared its ugly head. Ultimately it was too much for him to handle. It got to the point where he’d get anxious if he was going to an event he knew I’d be at because he didn’t know which version of me he was getting.

    I took for granted the time we spent together, especially in the last two months. Every minute, hour and day I’d be “angry” with him because I couldn’t understand the whirring emotions spinning around in my head.

    I wish I could tell him one more time how much he means to me.

    I wish I could tell him that simply being around him were always the greatest moments for me. We could be sitting next to each other, not saying a word, and I would be completely content. Underneath the rapid mood swings and the emotional outbursts, I was always happy when I was with you my boy, and I’m sorry if I ever made you feel any different.

    He was my safe house. My place to go when I needed security. In life I’m always seeking refuge; a safe place to be who I am, and my boy you were that for me. I would secretly love how your ears would prick up if you ever heard that I was facing even the slightest bit of trouble or distress, and you’d go far and beyond to make sure I was okay and I was safe. My biggest protector.

    I’m going to miss all the small things he did to reassure me. Like when I’d put my arm around his and he’d squeeze it, as if telling me that he’s got me, he’s with me, and he’s not abandoning me. Or when he’d hug me just a little longer and just a little tighter than usual when he knew I needed it.

    It was always us. N+R. R+N.

    He wasn’t perfect. By no means was he ever perfect. He was flawed, just like me, just like everyone is. But he managed to point out my flaws and turn them into my strengths.

    I’ve always wanted to elevate him and make him be the best man he could be so the world can see the wonderful man that I always saw. And if he can’t do that with me by his side, then I guess I’ll just have to do what they always say… if you love someone, let them go.

    I feel him slipping away into a dark nothingness, and no matter how much I reach out to grab him, I won’t find him.

    These days blend into a never ending cycle of sleep, eat, shower, repeat without you my boy.

    It’s hard to live without you in my life my boy, but if you are out there living your best worry-free life, then I will try my best. I’ll try.

    #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BPD #Favouriteperson #Fp #MentalHealth

    Community Voices

    Does anyone have any advice on this “favourite person” thing.

    I’m really struggling with my FP right now. The dynamic of our relationship is changing and it’s throwing me off big time. I’m in a bad depressive episode and my anxiety is crazy. I hate change and I feel fear he’s going to abandon me. #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Anxiety #Favouriteperson

    7 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    I need some advice please, re a favourite person #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder

    I’m scared I’m falling towards someone as a ‘favourite person’ again but it’s someone I’m in a professional relationship with so it really can’t happen. I can’t do it ever again because it’s agony every single time. I can’t do it, it’s unbearable. The thought of it makes me feel so suicidal, it’s all I want to do right now. Does anyone have any advice please? #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Favouriteperson

    4 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    I am 32 now and i have always been single. This is killing me because i need a man in my life to support me going through all life stress. People always see me and wonder why i am still single, some are brave enough to ask “what do you want in a man?”

    The thing is that it has never happened once that i love those who say they love me. Never felt any passion towards any of them. I am always in love with someone else.

    Now i am in love with someone who is not suitable at all, the age difference is big and he never explicitly shows he loves me. But what i feel is that he likes my feminin energy. I feel safe next to him, and he never rejected to support me when i need him even if when i give him opportunities to escape.

    He is intimidated when i am around and he is kind of nervous when we talk one to one which happened twice or more. We usually discuss work even if it’s not related to him. The only reason he is like this is that he knows i like him. And sometimes i think he likes me too. He showed jealosy once or twice too, he did not show it to me directly. People descripe him as a strong man with no feelings but this is not what i see in his eyes and body language when he sees me. May be he likes the way i love him.

    I haven’t seen him since March and i thought i will forget about him someday but it didn’t happen. Just seeing him around was enough. Any kind of relationship would work for me, not necessarily romantic. I need him in my life and i want him to know that. How can i tell him? Should i be honest? will this relief the stress of uncertainity or he would be more intimidated? #Relationships #FavoritePerson #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder

    12 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    Feeling detached

    Feeling like I'm floating. In an abyss where the blackness in unending and I can't feel, see anything in any direction. Silence echoes around me, as if bouncing off thin air. I lost my favourite person in here somewhere and I don't know the way back, or which is the right way up. My life is happening without me, somewhere off in the distance, but I can't help thinking I'm on the wrong path and I'll suspend myself here in limbo until I can get myself out. What if I can't get out.

    #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Favouriteperson #Depression