You lost your biggest fan.
As a kid you were my biggest inspiration, regardless of countless promises broken and the sadness I left unspoken I still naively looked up to you. As a kid I thought you had won the battle of addiction but really you just got better at hiding it.
I was your biggest fan. I watched you jump from man to man but yet I still had so much respect for you. I told everyone they were wrong that it was no longer drugs you do. You see mum I had so much faith in you. I use stay awake at night and cry because I was scared that one day you were going to die and I couldn't understand why. Why you would choose drugs over your children...
But mum at only 10 i realised that you were still letting me down I no longer had that same 5 year old frown, I was over it. Over you, over loving you, over wondering what I was suppose to do because I no longer cared.
Mum you lost your biggest fan.
You lost a little girl that loved you dear, a little girl who soothed your fears and would wipe your tears, who loved you regardless of how long it was between seeing you, whether it be months or years.
I now no longer have that same emotion towards you.
And I'm sorry if that hurts you.
But I guess the empty promises you broke cut much deeper than I had ever spoke.
I'm now 22 mum, and I guess in someways you're still an inspiration.
You inspire me to be nothing like you, and to ensure I do everything I need to do and when I have a child they'll be my biggest fan just like I was for you.