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    Black Dog

    George Bernard Shaw said, “A Native American elder once described his own inner struggles in this manner: Inside of me there are two dogs. One of the dogs is mean and evil. The other dog is good. The mean dog fights the good dog all the time. When asked which dog wins, he reflected for a moment and replied, ‘The one I feed the most’.”#Trauma #Love #TheMighty #MightyTogether #Lonliness #Sadness #Depression #Lonliness #self #Friends #Family #sad #Emotion #Life #MakeMeLaugh #Shame #Guilt #suffering #Pain #hurt #struggle #Happiness #peace #MightyMinute

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    Self Imposed Prison - Trapped in my own mind

    When my world came crashing down, I was forced to find my way in the world. Every bad decision I made altered the course of my life. I was stuck in a rut as my father described it. Unfortunately for me; it was much worse than that.

    The rut was one thing and the need to pull myself out of it was ever present. Sadly the rut was only the beginning of a life-time of negative emotions and regret. I wish I could have experienced the trauma and continued with a positive attitude and I did attempt to forget about the people who hurt me. No matter how hard I tried to forget and move on I was stuck reliving the trauma over and over again.

    Angry, sadness and revenge continuously played on my mind. As time has passed I just wanted some closure from the incident as it is forever haunting me. Even an apology would make me feel a little better instead I am stuck in self-loathing and misery while the people who hurt me continue on as though nothing happened.

    While everyone my age was having a good time and enjoying their youth, I would spend each weekend isolating in my room. Weekends trying to forget what happened to me with the help of marijuana. I was my own worst enemy, imprisoned and desperate for a solution. Just like everything else in my life - I was looking for an easy fix. An easy fix which I am still looking for to this day

    I have come to realise that trauma will be ever present in my life. It has become a part of me whether I like it or not. The victim mindset has plagued me for years and I need to make a change. I need to let go of the negativity and anger once and for all.

    #Recovery #PTSD #Depression #selfmedicate #Sadness #Pain #hurt #suffering #Addiction #Hatred #Jealousy #anger #despair #gloom #Doom #Love #Support #TheMighty #MightyTogether #Friendship #Family #people #places #things #control #Emotion #sad #feelingbetter #Slowly #Survivor #illness #struggle #adversity #Sabotage #selfawareness #Reflection

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    What he/she/they/you think of me is None of my business, and here is why:

    We all know the #struggle it is to #Love ourselves, to even find and hold onto #Selfworth is a great challenge fr most of us. In a civilization saturated by a culture corporate/business model norm that our worth, our #value is based on #Productivity and we come to define productive as getting dressed, brushing our teeth, COOKING, and the true miracle- going for a #Walk . The opinions of those who can not “walk a mile in our lives” COMPLETELY lack any value to us. Oh, you will encounter fakers who will mock our lives, as if they have given it thought. However, when you whisper to their bravado the reality their minds are too small to absorb it. A shout on f how dramatic you are!
    Again, the opinion of him/her/they or them is utterly meaningless. Only YOU know your truth, your effort given your #resources . Our remaining #resources whether it be #Fibromyalgia , #Asthma , #MajorDepression , #AnxietyAttack , #longcovid , #ChronicFatigue , or one f the many combinations of #AutoimmuneDisease with so much else, NO ONE knows how much is in our tank on any given day, r the #courage it takes to #rest !!!!

    1 reaction

    How to stop being late to everything?

    Since I was diagnosted with BPD, I started being late to more and more appointments. While the years from school until 24 I was always a bit early. I really want to go back to being that person again, but how.. it now seems impossible. #struggle #Advice #Tips #Strategy

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    Self-created guardian

    While in hospital for my mental health, I was taken off of certain medications to be put on new medication. And during this difficult time I started to write poetry. With ADHD I sometimes struggle to put thoughts together in a way that makes sense.. with creative writing I really learned to express how I feel about my situation.

    So I wrote a poem about our inner self-created guardians, the inner children that we have inside us that still tries to protect us from harm even when we no longer need them. Whether we have this guardian because of abuse of any kind, I wrote this piece so that people could relate to having that inner voice that can sometimes be guilt creating, harmful and overwhelming.

    So while off my meds this is how I strung my thoughts together in hopes that I might find someone who can relate.

    The poem’s name is

    Self-created Guardian:

    Sometimes I'm overcome by a shadow and marked unsafe by feelings of madness,guilt,badness...sadness

    That my own mind runs wild searching for peace, my
    thoughts making me fight with a "ME" that I have
    created out of necessity..

    Now that very creation bothers me not only now and then but incessantly...

    Trying to find a purpose for existing in a world it was not meant for...

    Trying to hold onto the woman that doesn't need her anymore..

    How does one create space in one's mind for a self-created guardian? And still exist as one's own protector? One that I have always been? And never even knew...

    How then do I become truly "ME" without letting go of you? - a poem by Camron Botha

    #MentalHealth #Poetry #creativewriting #Abuse #Survivor #EmotionalAbuse #ADHD #relate #Advocacy #MentalIllness #Love #struggle #medications #poet #Loveothers #wearefamily #Anxiety #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder

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    Do you engage in comparative suffering?

    Do you ever find it difficult to lean into what you are struggling with because you find yourself thinking "I shouldn't feel this way. XYZ person has it worse"? I do. All. The. Time. It's like there's some kind of continuum for suffering and my suffering never makes the cut.

    I feel a deep sense of shame for feeling angry, sad, scared, grief, loss, over things that are tumultuous in my own life when I hear that someone else is going through something I deem way worse.

    And yet, that completely invalidates our own experiences in life. When did we learn that our struggle doesn't matter? How did we decide that everyone else should come ahead of us?

    I'm not saying we shouldn't be empathetic and show compassion for others in their struggles. But we really need to do the same for our own. Acknowledge that something sucks and allow ourselves to feel those feelings.

    It's SO HARD though.

    Does this resonate with you? If so, how. Share below.

    #Trauma #PTSD #CPTSD #Comparison #struggle #suffering


    Finding value in struggles

    For so many including myself it is hard to see a positive from the struggles you have gone through or are currently going through. Struggles often shape us and change, they make us self-isolate and hide from a society filled with stereotypes and stigmas. A society that judges those going through a struggle. A society that makes those with a story hide their story and let others tell our story. I struggle everyday not just with my struggle with my mental health and legal issues, but also with a wonder of will the values and strengths I have gained from my past struggles and current struggles ever come to fruition.

    There is true value in the struggles you have been through or are currently going through. You need to find those that have also been through a struggle because these are the people that will not judge you and stereotype you. Going through a struggle and coming out the other side gives you a strength no one can ever take away from you. Often it is hard for ourselves to see the values and strengths we have gained from our struggles, that is why connect with others that have gone through struggles will give you someone willing and able to tell you what they see.

    #MentalHealth #BipolarDisorder #valueinstruggles #struggle


    Trying to be strong #sad #struggle

    My fiancé was sexually abused I try so hard to be strong for her but then there are moments where I just think I can’t believe she went though that normally when I’m alone I just start to cry just before posting this I was in tears for over an hour I just hate to think of her every going through anything like that just so afraid and alone and not safe I know I shouldn’t think this way like I always think if I only met her sooner maybe it would have stopped sooner I know I shouldn’t beat myself up like that but it’s just she’s my world my everything it doesn’t help either when you read articles saying it’s just about the survivor there feelings there pain there healing when the partner of the survivor has there own set of unique emotions that come with it then I go from being in tears to being so angry not at my fiancé at all but the one who hurt her I have been going back and forth between the two since this morning how do I overcome these feelings should I talk to my fiancé or try to handle it on my own sorry for such a long post but I really had to get this off my chest

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    Do you #struggle with #Mania ?

    I struggle with my #Mania often. Thankfully today is a good day, but I remember on my darker days, a specific song (my manic and I by Laura Marling) would help me. Here are the lyrics. I recommend this song to anyone who has or is struggling with that war inside of them that almost feels like a separate entities from yourself. I truly hope this helps someone out there feel seen like it helped me 💜

    He wants to die in a lake in Geneva
    The mountains can cover the shape of his nose
    He wants to die where nobody can see him
    But the beauty of his death will carry on so
    I don't believe him
    He greets me with kisses when good days deceive him
    And sometimes we're scorned and sometimes I believe him
    And sometimes I'm convinced, my friends think I'm crazy
    Get scared and call him but he's usually hazy
    At one in the morning, day is not ended
    By two he is scared that sleep is no friend
    And by four he will drink but he cannot feel it
    Sleep will not come because sleep does not will it
    And I don't believe him, morning is mocking me
    I?ll wander the streets, avoiding them eats
    ?Til the ring on my finger slips to the ground
    A gift to the gutter, a gift to the city
    The veins of which have broken me down
    And I don't believe him, morning is mocking me
    Oh, the Gods that he believes never fail to amaze me
    He believes in the love of his God of all things
    But I find him wrapped up in all manner of sins
    The drugs that deceive him and the girls that believe him
    I can't control you, I don't know you well
    These are the reasons I think that you're ill
    I can't control you, I don't know you well
    These are the reasons I think that you're ill
    And since last that we parted
    Last that I saw him down by a river
    Silent and hardened
    Morning was mocking us, blood hit the sky
    I was just happy, my manic and I
    He couldn't see me, the sun was in his eyes
    And birds were singing to calm us down
    And birds were singing to calm us down
    And I'm sorry young man, I cannot be your friend
    I don't believe in a fairytale end
    I don't keep my head up all of the time
    I find it dull when my heart meets my mind
    And I hardly know you, I think I can tell
    These are the reasons I think that we're ill
    I hardly know you, I think I can tell
    These are the reasons I think that I'm ill
    And the Gods that he believes never fail to disappoint me
    The Gods that he believes never fail to disappoint me
    My nihilist, my happy man, my manic and I
    Have no plans to move on
    But birds are singing to calm us down
    And birds are singing to calm us down

    #BipolarDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Anxiety #Depression #PTSD


    Staying in doors when things are hard

    Even when I know to practice opposite action and do the "right thing"for my mental/physical health, trauma processing and panic makes it very hard

    After my therapy session over the phone, I don't have the motivation to go outside. One of those "order food and eat ice cream" days. Its a hard day for me. Can anyone relate?

    #Trauma #Therapy #Depression #struggle