Christianity

Trigger warning: this post discusses childhood abuse.

As I am laying in my hospital bed I am reminded it’s been a month now that I have been in hospital because of the accident. An accident caused by someone else’s negligence.

Emotionally it’s been a challenge to work through the consequences of the other person’s actions. It’s cost me $8000 in medical bills so far. It’s placed a huge strain on others who have to cover my responsibilities at church. It’s been a month of intense physical pain and loneliness.

Where is God in all of this? Where He has always been. On the throne, and beside me, all the way. Was it Gods will that I get injured? Don’t think so. God gave us free will and unfortunately we make really bad decisions sometimes. The lady who caused my accident made bad decisions and her motives are not clear although her actions since the accident point towards the potential that she might have an unhealthy fixation on me. That is a side issue.

God has been with me. Encouraging me. Loving me. Providing for me.

I recall a vivid vision I had many years ago. It wasn’t a dream, I was awake. I saw me as a 4 year old. My Dad took me to his room and molested me. I won’t go into anymore detail than that.

I saw in my vision that as my Dad led me to his bedroom Jesus was pleading with him not to do this.

Afterwards I was back in my bedroom. I was in tears. Wondering what bad thing I did to warrant that punishment. If I knew I would never do it again.

In my vision Jesus walked into my room and held me. Held me tight. Dried my tears, rocked me in His arms and told me that He loved me. He assured me I hadn’t been bad.

Jesus loved me in my darkest and most confusing moment. He loved me then. He loves me still. Often things happen that remind us that this world is NOT heaven. Thank God for that truth. Sometimes bad things happen to good people.

In all of our pain. Jesus is there. May we always seek His face, may we always see His face.

I strive to be transparent here, even it can be embarrassing. I like to be honest in the hope that it might encourage others.

Whenever I have bought a new pc or laptop the first thing I do is delete all the games. I do this because if I dont I will go down the rabbit hole of wasting time.

Lately I have been playing solitaire. a lot, on my phone. I realised yesterday that the true reason I have been doing this is not a form of relaxation but rather I have been avoiding confronting negative emotions.

I don’t know what those emotions are, or what is triggering them, but I realise that avoiding those emotions is dangerous, and unhelpful.

It’s frankly a bit scary to think of allowing those feelings to land, but that’s exactly what I need to do, and must do.

Do you use avoidance techniques?

This morning I will be preaching on the “Prodigal Son. It’s one of my favourite parables.

One of the points I will be highlighting is what the father did NOT say to his wayward son.

He didn’t say, “I told you so”, “You’re a screwup”, “You should be ashamed of yourself”.

God doesn’t use those words either. You have never gone to far from God that you can’t come back.

Jesus came to rub sin out, not to rub it in.

We are 2 and a half weeks into our European holiday. Germany was fabulous, Poland unforgettable and we are now enjoying the Czech Republic. We are a bit homesick as well. FaceTiming the Grandchildren is great but we miss their hugs.

Watching church via livestream is good but being there is better.

This is not a complaint. I am conscious of how blessed we are to be able to travel like we do. We are creating so many wonderful memories. But home is home.

During World War 2 my Dad fought for Australia in Papua New Guinea. One day he was crossing a river when the rope broke and he fell into a raging river. He drowned but was revived by some local people. He told me he saw heaven before he was revived. He said it was beyond his ability to describe but he said it was more beautiful and peaceful than he could express.

Sometimes we can be homesick for heaven. The world is wonderful but heaven is a place without sickness, tears of disappointment. We can hold onto this amazing hope.

I had a fall at home this week. I was doing some gardening and tripped on some branches and landed on a branch. I knew straight away something was wrong as a huge lump instantly appeared below my knee.

Having experienced a few years ago, acute spontaneous compartment syndrome in my other leg I knew I had to get to the doctors to check out my injury.

The doctor did a thorough examination and said it was a pool of blood that would resolve itself but I needed to use ice, rest and use compression bandages.

Last night I was in a lot of pain as I tried to sleep so I prayed, “Jesus hold me”. The pain meds were not helping and I couldn’t sleep so I just wanted to be held. I instantly knew that Jesus was holding me. No judgement, no platitudes. Just a beautiful awareness that I was loved by God who knows me and loves me anyway.

He loves you too.

Truths about forgiveness.

God designed our bodies to best function on grace not grudges.

Forgiveness heals you from the inside out.

Freedom never asks you to walk back into harm - ever. Boundaries are imperative and right.

Forgiveness is releasing the right to retaliate.

We don’t forgive because they deserve it.

Forgiving and forgetting is not reality.

Bitterness is drinking poison hoping the other person will die.

Sometimes all we can pray is “God I don’t want to forgive, I am angry and bitter, please help me to want to forgive”.

Forgiveness may not be a one time decision. Sometimes it’s layered and revisiting the pain will be many occasions.

Blessing the person is often the last step. It’s not about feeling but obedience.

No one is immune from pain, sorrow and hurt. Feelings will often lag behind our decision making. It’s normal. Choosing to forgive is an act of faith.

Is forgiving easy? Rarely. It’s a gesture of grace. Yet, it’s wonderfully liberating.

Self loathing is not holy. Shame has no place in Christianity. We need to forgive ourselves. We need to let go of inner criticism. Conviction addresses a specific sin. Self Condemnation says we are a failure, asks us to live in paralysis and shame.

“As far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our sins from us.”
‭‭Psalm‬ ‭103‬:‭12‬ ‭GNT‬‬

youtu.be/fdsz3ou9wa4

amp.abc.net.au/article/13106662

I don’t know about you but I need constant reminding of this.

I needed to hear this today. Hopefully it encourages you too.

Shed a lot of tears in church this morning. I hate crying but the service was so emotional this morning. My daughter spoke about the hymn, “It is well with my soul”. One of my favourites.

My Wife shared about when our daughter was born after a 36 hour labour, our baby wasn’t breathing. The doctors frantic intervention wasn’t working, so in desperation my Wife started singing the song she would frequently sing over our unborn baby, “Jesus loves me”.

As soon as she started singing our baby lifted her head a little and started breathing.

When our daughter was a seriously ill teenager a doctor told us to stop seeking a solution to her chronic health issues and to take her home and “let her rest and enjoy her short final days”.

We ignored that advice. Doctors said she would never work, marry, have children or live a long life. Today she owns her own business, employs 15 people, has two children and is a Pastor in our church.

We triumph in it until we triumph over it. Life hasn’t been easy for her. A few years ago when I was hospitalised for bad mental health I got the news that my daughters son, Tobias, had passed away. Such unimaginable grief and pain.

Yet, in those days of formidable pain, we experienced the great love, comfort and presence of God.

Be encouraged today. You are loved. There is hope. It is well.