Family and Friends

I never thought I would ever say this, but, today I ran in a marathon. I am on holidays with the family and there was a local marathon, so I ran in it, for 6 steps.

Now I know 6 steps isn’t much but a victory is a victory. What wins have you had lately? No doubt a bit more authentic than mine. Would love to celebrate with you.

We came to the beach today, even though it’s the middle of winter and it’s blowing a gale. There is something really special about the beach in the cooler months.

Looking at the rocks and the way time has etched lines and beautiful colours, marked into the rocks, it reminds me of our journey.

While pain and abuse from trauma are really challenging at times, our lives today can be a great reminder that we are still here, we are survivors who are rising above our past and stand as victors, not victims.

When my children were teenagers Facebook was launched. I quickly realised that social media could be a useful tool but also potentially a distraction they didn’t need.

To demonstrate that Facebook “friends” were most likely not friends in the truest sense of the word I set up a Facebook account for our dog. In no time our dog reached the 5000 friend limit. The fact that most of his friends were other dogs again reminded them that social media had its limitations.

When you look at most people’s social media accounts you would think they are really “living the life”. That everything in their life is positive and great.

Don’t buy into the lie. No one, regardless of their wealth, fame or popularity gets through life unscathed. Everybody hurts, everyone has disappointments.

Comparison is a slippery slide to disappointment.

I am so grateful for the people here on The Mighty. Whilst struggling to manage their own health challenges people take the time to encourage others and respond to their posts.

It is so refreshing and so valuable. Thank you everyone.

Yesterday I watched a really interesting documentary about a family of 12 siblings, 6 of whom were diagnosed with Schizophrenia, varying in degrees of severity.

It gave me perspective on what life is like for people who’s loved ones suffered from mental health disorders. It also provided insight into why some people interact with me differently throughout the progression of my disease and how I’m not the only one who struggles because of it.

The documentary is called “6 Schizophrenic Brothers” (I found it on Amazon Prime but I believe it’s on other streaming platforms).

⚠️Trigger Warning: the documentary discusses very difficult topics, including: suicide, homicide, sexual abuse, domestic violence & substance abuse

‼️Additional Warning: I did find some of what the non-schizophrenic family members described how their siblings disorder affected them difficult to watch.

I debated whether or not to post this because of the potentially triggering subjects covered, however, I feel like it gave me a better appreciation for my loved ones and an understanding that I’m not the only one who struggles as a result of my diagnosis- something I find I fall short of considering/recognizing.

#FamilyAndFriends #MentalHealth #Caregiving #Schizophrenia

It’s Mothers Day here in Australia.

For many people, especially many women, one of the loveliest days in the year is also one of the loneliest.

Let's pray today:

"Lord, for mothers today we pray joy -
* for orphans, comfort
* for not-yet mothers, hope
* for mother's with empty arms, God be their comfort
* for single mothers, grace
* for the lonely, family.

May there be moments of comfort and hope today for -
* the mothers of prodigals
* the mothers who've lost children
* the mothers who don't know where their children are
* the mothers in war torn countries, whose hearts are surely breaking

May the embrace of grace displace shame -
* for mothers in prison
* for mothers who feel they have failed
* for mothers who can't be with their children
* for mothers trying to forget a termination.

May those who never held their own child, for whom today may be sadder than it is happy, know the love and joy of parenting within the church, for "As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you; and you will be comforted."
Isaiah 66:13

And finally Lord, for all those poor souls everywhere who forgot that this is Mother's Day we ask that you would bless them in your abundant grace and mercy with the discovery of flowers and half-decent cards. Amen"

#hopechapelblacktown #blacktown #mothersday #allwomenmothersday

This is our daughter Jessica's story and the narrative for many adults who require assistance with all daily living skills and have a severe intellectual disability.

Finding the Right Fit

It's bewildering how we lose the dedicated funding and energy invested in including individuals like Jess in public schools once they reach age 21. Typically, opportunities for Jess and her peers in adulthood confine them to self-contained classrooms, with most activities being exclusionary. Finding the right fit after an inclusive public school education is difficult.  

When our daughter, Jessica, was born in 1982, we didn't know she had a diagnosis. She was our teeny first baby. Jess came home from the hospital weighing less than five pounds, yet she was born near her due date. We called her Peanut at the time. We discovered, much later, that Jess had a rare chromosome deletion and was delayed in all her milestones. Our daughter, age 41, cannot care for herself, uses a wheelchair, is non-verbal, and has a severe intellectual disability. Jessica is also the brightest, most joyful star in the room. 

Early Education

 Jessica's early education encompassed numerous schools and classrooms. Federal Early Intervention for Infants and Toddlers was not enacted until 1986. It was still 1982, and we enrolled Jessica in a local infant stimulation program for babies with developmental delays. She transitioned to a special education classroom in a center for children with special needs at age three, and at age five, she went to a school district Board of Cooperative Education (BOCES) program. The program was over 30 minutes from our home, and Jess remained in that program, which moved from district to district until she was twelve.  

Meanwhile, I worked with our local education district, Committee on Special Education (CSE), to include Jessica in our neighborhood middle school. Like the line from the old TV show, "Cheers," we wanted everyone to know her name.   At Jessica's CSE meetings, we planned intensely for her return to the district and entry into middle school. The school prepared to welcome its first student in a wheelchair.

Success

One of the first times I knew this was a success was when I took Jessica to our local food market. Some of her peers were in the store, and instead of getting the "who is that in the wheelchair" glare, we received a warm greeting. The kids approached Jess, called her by name, and said she attends my school. This gesture brought tears to my eyes.  

High school was quickly approaching, and in our and the district's opinion, Jess needed another change as she prepared for graduation and adulthood. Full inclusion in high school would not have the same benefits as in the lower grades. We believed Jess would not get the same opportunities for friendship and socialization in a secondary school math or science classroom.   

Once again, Jess returned to BOCES, but this time, the setting was in our neighborhood school. Her teacher, Leslie (Les), set up a reverse inclusion program whereby interested high school students entered Jessica's classroom and assisted. Jess joined the chorus during high school and participated in other typical activities. She still hums the music scales learned in high school chorus over 20 years ago.

Prom Date!

Jessica's next transition was to an adult day program. At her adult program, we hoped that Jess would feel useful, have friends, laugh, hum familiar tunes, and continue to maintain the goals she achieved in high school and strive to reach new heights.   Adulting in Jessica's world is far different than in public schools. The regulations are less rigorous than in public schools, the staffing requirements are inconsistent, inclusion is non-existent, and the hope for daily experiences in the community has yet to come to fruition.  

WHAT WAS ALL THAT INCLUSION FOR  

Many of Jessica's peers, who have more life skills, are in supportive employment and other inclusive community adventures. Yet, individuals who require more daily assistance often get stuck in exclusionary settings.    Jessica's original adult day program started differently. They explored the community, took field trips, and left the building. We connected with many staff and developed relationships.

A lot changed after Covid, and Jess was out of the program for nearly three years. A few months ago, I visited Jessica in her current classroom, saw the lack of interaction and activity, and knew it was time for a change.

The system is broken. New staff often enthusiastically start their positions, hoping to make a difference in somebody's life. Yet, the red tape and restrictions usually knock them down. This profession requires a significant level of responsibility, yet the wages provided are not commensurate. 

Adult programs require a culture of creativity, respect, collaboration, and encouragement. Our daughter, Jessica, loves meeting new friends, cherishes music, and enjoys outings. A way to incorporate more community activities into a daily program should exist.  

Jess has been in the same day-habilitation program since graduation in 2003. After##@ 20 years, we have decided to transition to a new program.  

We HOPE for the future.#RareDisease #Parenting #Transition #SpecialEducators #SpecialNeeds #dayhab #dayprogram #Disability #IDD #Hope #FamilyAndFriends @amanda-buck @amanda-hvass @amanda-snyder @breecoffey @cherieehlert

I’m waiting at Manila airport for an overnight to go home. It’s been a whirlwind 3 weeks in Indonesia, Malaysia and The Philippines. I have lost count of the number of intense conversations, helping people sort out their lives and finances.

Now as we board the final flight I am so excited to be going to familiar faces and places. Growing up “home” was a place we avoided at all costs. It was violent and unpredictable. Home today is so different.

I have discovered over the years that “home” can also be a relationship with a friend, a happy place, a favourite coffee shop.

Who or where do you feel most at home?