Family and Friends

If I have learnt one thing in my 65 years on this planet it’s this, you will never know what a day will bring.

Last night when I hopped into bed my heart started having intense palpitations like I have never experienced before. I put it down to the raft of pain meds I am on after major dental surgery last week.

I woke at 4am and as soon as I stood up the world started spinning and I crashed onto the floor. Unfortunately this woke my Wife and she was instantly concerned. I assured her I was ok and must have slipped. I tried getting up again and this time crashed down harder. She had the presence of mind to get my blood pressure machine and it registered 88 over 64. Normally my bp is about 130/90. I knew trying to get up again was futile so we called an ambulance.

I was devastated. Over the past few years there have been 10 surgeries my Wife has nursed me through and emotionally she is exhausted. Here we were another medical emergency.

She didn’t come in the ambulance with me. I assured her I understood and was fully supportive of her decision. Two years on if she hears the words “code blue” she freezes. I am ok with the words as I have no recollection of the incident.

Self pity started knocking on my door today. I sent it away. Yes, it’s a major disappointment and the CT scan of my brain won’t be reviewed until tomorrow as it’s a public holiday today.

Whatever happens I know, in Australia we have amazing medical care. It’s not cheap but it is extremely good. My family made sure someone was with me all day. Many people have no one.

I didn’t break a bone which is amazing considering my current poor bone density.

I thinks it’s critical we never try and intertwine depression and self pity together. Depression is not a choice. It’s a medical condition. It’s horrendous. It doesn’t discriminate.

Yet, in spite of what’s happening around me, God help me to see what is going right even though there are many things going wrong.

The photo is my youngest Granddaughter. She had the miseries one day and wanted everyone to know about it. As is her way, 5 minutes after the photo she found reasons to be grateful. May I always follow her great example.

Hi everyone. Three days ago I went into hospital and had all my upper teeth removed and dental implants put in their place. This is a decision I have been putting off for a few years but the deterioration of my teeth left me without many options.

Practically this means only soft foods for the next 4-6 months. As you can see from the photo I look like a teddy bear at the moment. Since that photo black eyes and black cheeks have emerged. I am trying to focus on the end results. The swelling will retreat and the black eyes will heal. It’s the yucky in between season I hate. I am sure you can relate.

This is going to be one of the hardest posts I’ve ever made. I have been absent for quite a few weeks. The reason for this is for many reasons but mainly because I have been having a multitude of medical tests.

My Wife has expressed concern about my driving for awhile now. I have been on occasions misjudging distance of other cars, waiting too long at traffic lights after they turn green etc. There have been times when trying to process all the traffic movements around me has flooded my mind. Living in a city of 5 million people means this is a challenge. I have also been on occasions struggling to remember names of people I have known as acquaintances.

After many neurological tests early onset dementia has been ruled out, in fact any physiological condition has been ruled out. The conclusion the doctors have come it’s a psychological issue.

Some of you may recall that about 5 years ago a brother and sister went to the police and accused me of assault dating back to 1983. That allegation resulted in a very close suicide event and extended stay in a psych hospital.

After an 18 month investigation the matter was withdrawn before it went to court as we were able to provide irrefutable evidence I was overseas and interstate that whole year. I was a professional actor in 82 and 83 and spend 12 months overseas on tour. There were also major holes in their account and in the end they stopped responding to the police. My lawyers said from the start it was always about money as in the state where they live there is substantial automatic compensation just for making the allegation. There was also bitterness with them because they falsely believed that when I finished acting I would return and marry her. Instead I returned and proposed to my now wife who I had a long distance relationship the whole 2 years I was away.

We thought the matter was closed when the charge was dropped. 18 months ago I was advised they had brought a lawsuit against the church. I thought it had no hope as I attended the church for 3 months in 1981 and was away 82,83.

Well the church not wanting adverse publicity and knowing the courts in that state had a demonstrable bias against churches, settled the matter with a payout. I was very disappointed. What a waste of money and I saw it as rewarding lies. 12 months after the settlement I was advised that the insurance company that covers Pastors would no longer cover me because of the settlement and my credentials were withdrawn. My supervisor was in tears when he told me. He knows I am innocent but the matter was out of his hands.

I was instructed to have a 6 month hiatus from speaking in case the liars saw me on our livestream. For awhile now everything is back to normal and the only restriction is I can’t legally conduct weddings which doesn’t bother me at all.

What really upsets me is how the system in that state is biased to the extent that even making an allegation leads to compensation even if it’s not tested in court. And there will be people aware of the case who believe where there is smoke there is fire.

So now I have to re engage with a therapist. I have been suggested to see one who specialises in helping Pastors and who is a Pastors Wife and understands the unique nature of the ministry.

Interestingly since I decided to pursue therapy again my driving has significantly improved. I really didn’t want to end up here again but ignoring it would be extremely irresponsible. The journey continues.

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Step up for mental health and let’s break the stigma together. Sign up today and be part of a day filled with community.

📅 Date: Sunday, May 17

📍 Location: The Seaport

🔗 Sign up now: namiwalksnyc.org

#MentalHealth #FamilyAndFriends #MentalHealthAwareness

It is Mothers Day here in Australia. A day of very mixed emotions for many. Today we remember, Conrad, the son we lost and Tobias, the son our daughter lost. And we remember the amazing women who over the years have nutured and inspired us.

For the mothers who are knee deep in family life, we salute you and marvel and applaud at your incredible ability to love and nurture your children on good days and bad days.

For the mothers who have lost a child, I send you love, you are so very brave.

To the women who no longer have their mother, this day can be a heart-breaking reminder of your loss. May you find comfort today.

To the women who have not made it into motherhood even though you desperately wanted to, I acknowledge today can be very challenging for you. May you know peace and comfort today.

To the women who mother another child, you are a brilliant example of humanity and love. You are to be celebrated. You are giving an amazing gift to those in need.

To all Mothers today, you are seen, you are to be celebrated, you are amazing!

As I drove to church this morning a powerful memory came to mind. About 15 years ago a guy at church came up to me and said, “I have no idea if this will make any sense to you but God has repeatedly said me, “God is going to take you back to the playground”. He was very tentative and a bit nervous.

He asked, “Does that make sense to you?” He was shocked and relieved when I said it made perfect sense. The guy was a leader in our church and are man I trusted so I explained what it meant.

Being born in the 60’s meant photos were expensive and not taken often. I have a photo of me aged 3, in a playground with a beaming smile. I was a very happy kid then.

Photos taken from age 4 onwards show a different child. They show a child who is carrying something of pain. I was 4 years old when my Dad first molested me. The abused child was very different to the playground child.

After receiving the message from that guy it took a lot of therapy and prayer but God did indeed restore the simple joy and sense of wonder of the child in the playground.

It didn’t happen quickly or instantly. The things I learnt in that process were valuable and transforming lessons. I am so grateful that guy was obedient to deliver a message that made no sense to him and I am grateful for God taking me by the hand and leading me gently back to the playground.

He will do the same for you if you ask.

My Mother in law is a text book narcissist. Her husband once said to my daughter that “his life was a living hell”. After he died she left Sydney without warning to be closer to her siblings. After this her siblings would phone us and accuse us of financially taking advantage her. We tried to explain she was living in a home we purchased, rent free.
That we were giving her significant direct financial assistance. They didn’t believe us.

Since then her siblings have advised us she has borrowed in excess of $100,000 off them, all of which has gone to romance scams. She even sent large amounts of money to “Hollywood star Liam Neesom” because he was coming on his private jet to marry her.

Last year her siblings reached out and apologised for believing the lies said about us and asked for our help in relocating her as they were tired of her abuse and lies.

Turns out she has been living there rent free for ten years. She has been uncooperative since we started the process of finding her alternative accommodation. We are offering to help her financially but still she won’t do anything. So tonight I told her my assistance was paused until she started working with us and not against us.

That might sound harsh but somehow we need to get her attention. It goes against my nature to be harsh but for my Wife’s sanity and the wider family I must draw this line. #l

Oftentimes, we vent because we think it'll make us feel better. But have you ever stopped to notice how you actually feel after the vent session is over?
Now, this does not mean you shouldn't vent or share problems with a trusted person who can help you problem solve or listen. I just wanted to share a helpful tip I learned in therapy. Since I stopped "venting" as much, my emotional reactions are better and I'm not as upset as often. I hope it helps you today. 🙂
#Addiction #AddictionRecovery #AutonomicDysfunction #Agoraphobia #Anxiety #AnorexiaNervosa #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #MentalHealth #BipolarDepression #BipolarDepression #BackPain #Blindness #CeliacDisease #ChronicFatigueSyndrome #Epilepsy #EatingDisorders #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #Endometriosis #FamilyAndFriends #Fibromyalgia #Gastroparesis #Grief #Headache #JointHypermobilitySyndrome #HearingLoss #HemiplegicMigraine #Insomnia #ADHD #BipolarDepression #BipolarDisorder #PTSD #Trauma

Our amazing education team at NAMI-NYC came together for a strategic planning retreat – taking time to reflect, collaborate, and dream big about the future of mental health education. We are so excited for what’s ahead! Check out our current programs: naminyc.org/find-support

#MentalHealth #FamilyAndFriends

First the first time in 5 months I managed to mow my lawns. It’s been a long recovery after shattering my tibia. A wonderful couple from church have been doing a great job of looking after the whole garden. I am very grateful for their help but it’s good to be back doing it myself.

I was in a huge amount of pain last night. I knew it would be taxing but I am glad to be another step closer to life getting back to normal.

There is hope.