#ISpeakOut about my health because…
I am looked at as too young. I am looked at as perfectly athletic and healthy. I am athletic and I am healthy. However, mentally, I learn more. Mentally, I fight with my own self and my own mind everyday. I have always kept to myself and now I speak more from my mind [or at least jot it down].
#Depression #Anxiety #ChronicMusculoskeletalPain #ChronicPain #SocialAnxiety #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder
Behind this mask
Is the smile I let the world see
I’m not normal
Even though I try so hard to be
Let me tell you how
I turned a beautiful sky
In to a dark pit
I am someone
Who is too much
And in so much pain
That I don’t know what to do
But look at the sky.
Smile
And say everything is fine.
#Depression #Anxiety #SocialAnxiety #ChronicPain #CarpalTunnelSyndrome #ChronicMusculoskeletalPain
Hi (こんにちは)
I am a🧝🏽♀️👩🏽💻🖌 (cosplayer, graphic designer, artist).
Describing my pain:
💭
👩🏽🦱 🧠 (constant overthinking)
✋🏽🦵🏽💪🏽💥 (nerve and musicale pain)
#Anxiety #Depression #SocialAnxiety #ChronicPain #ChronicMusculoskeletalPain #CarpalTunnelSyndrome
It’s Friday the 13th, which also in the middle of suicide awareness month. As a child, I never thought of myself as suicidal or someone with any mental health issues. However, I was always shy, to myself, never had much friends, introvert and always bullied. I did cry a lot especially when people talked about me, bullied me verbally and sometimes chased me as well. I was always told to “ignore it”, “tell someone” or “word don’t hurt”.
They did hurt but no one really understood that. I couldn’t ignore it because it happened way too often. Tell someone like a teacher fell on deaf ears because all they told them was to stop. As I got older, most of the bullying was verbal. I was always called a “nerd” and “weird” for the most part even now.
I did actually started dating at 16-17. I wasn’t the sexual type so most would break up with me or cheat on me for those reasons. I began to start harming myself but always told myself not to do it. I was sometimes hit myself (this was something I really kept to myself from everyone). I was still a good person. I’m an old fashioned person.
Fast forward to now being diagnosed December 4th 2017 and a lot of this that happened as a kid or what I was feeling made more sense including unrecognized pain.
#ChronicIllness #Anxiety #SocialAnxiety #ChronicMusculoskeletalPain #CarpalTunnelSyndrome
I smile even though I am down.
When there are clouds in the sky.
I smile when I’m aching
Even when I’m mentally breaking.
I can face the day sometimes.
Even through my nerves are screaming why
I still show up.
Alive.
#MightyPoets #Depression #Anxiety #SocialAnxiety #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #ChronicIllness #ChronicMusculoskeletalPain
Lately I have been designing these little graphics (mainly on my phone) just to show people how I feel on a normal day or what it is like living with #Anxiety and #Depression and only knowing the last two years. I am also a graphic designer as well and this was on how I actually can never say “I am happy”
#CheckInWithMe Sometimes when I cosplay I tend to find solace in the atmosphere or the beautiful architecture like at Long Beach Convention Center. I think about how badly I want to be successful and travel to beautiful places and not go to my day and be in pain hours later. Sometimes, I even feel like I have failed working my behind off so I am able to achieve my dream as a graphic designer. Going to anime/comic conventions to cosplay gives me the only confidence I am able to achieve at the moment. There are even times I will get slightly depressed thinking if I look pretty in my cosplay or is my makeup okay. Around noon and 2pm I get extremely exhausted to where I need to sit down. I can never explain but I tend to come out of it.
#Anxiety #SocialAnxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #ChronicMusculoskeletalPain #Depression
I’m honest and I’m transparent
Most don’t understand nor even get it.
They think they do, which isn’t the same as actually getting it.
Get it?
I am human
Remembering, that is the real strength
Chronic pain and high functioning anxiety
The pain through my barely seen nerves
Down the small of my lower back
To the left side and my small wrists
Tension
And contracting muscles
Constantly......
Remembering to move is a real strength
I’m an open flesh wound
So raw, tender to the touch.
Most of my thoughts are quiet and hush
Most would never know.
Others would not even believe me
I fake it like I’m all together
It’s quite clever.
Don’t you think?
I’m not sad
I’m not season
Depression is real
And so is how I feel.
And so are my intrusive thought
Running rapid in my head
Remembering to actually live is a real strength
Where I find strength is within myself
Surviving.
#Depression #SocialAnxiety #ChronicPain #ChronicMusculoskeletalPain #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #Anxiety
I was never the type of person to like sleep. As I get older, I take naps now. My exhaustion kicks in between noon and 2:30p unless I’m exhausted all day like today. I use the term exhaustion because I feel weighed down and in a slight fog. I experience this even with a decent sleep schedule. I go to bed around 9pm but I am a early riser and wake up at 2:10am in a workday and between 4-6am on my days off. I take my antidepressant at around 7pm to kind of wind myself down. I just started taking magnesium again and I take it right before bed with cool water. This may not help make me sleep faster but I want to stop waking up in the middle of the night so this has always been my routine for the most part. #Anxiety #SocialAnxiety #Depression #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #ChronicMusculoskeletalPain
Physical: I always need to workout 6 days a week. It’s the only time I do not feel stressed out, overwhelmed, or any body pain.
Mental: I need a piece of mind. I have been feeling so much and in a financial struggle for a while. The only thing I was able to do was take off work.
#Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #SocialAnxiety #Depression #ChronicMusculoskeletalPain #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder
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