Complex Post-traumatic Stress Disorder

I was told, a family member is in hospice.I asked for details but were given none.Not when or how.I asked, I feel aweful for all of them.This is four days after and I will approach the topic again, Im taking care of situations as they are revealed,all after the fact.I feel aweful for her.I do know she said goodbye at a prior visit and she expressed that to me.I felt a bond with his mother,our lives mirrored eachothers.Same circumstances but different outcomes, a generational difference. She says it morals and values.I say its life experience and risk. Living a full long life to 70, is a privilege, to 80!!! Holy cow. I believe we take that for granted, getting older. That is, something to be celebrated and joyfulling celebrated.I missed witnessing this with my own.My Aunts and Uncles,I will be writing them.Families all greive different and I was wrong to push my way upon them,years ago.I regret that.

When remorse cant be shared, it is sad to see those hurting.I wish and hope them well.

I was told, a family member is in hospice.I asked for details but were given none.Not when or how.I asked, I feel aweful for all of them.This is four days after and I will approach the topic again, Im taking care of situations as they are revealed,all after the fact.I feel aweful for her.I do know she said goodbye at a prior visit and she expressed that to me.I felt a bond with his mother,our lives mirrored eachothers.Same circumstances but different outcomes, a generational difference. She says it morals and values.I say its life experience and risk. Living a full long life to 70, is a privilege, to 80!!! Holy cow. I believe we take that for granted, getting older. That is, something to be celebrated and joyfulling celebrated.I missed witnessing this with my own.My Aunts and Uncles,I will be writing them.Families all greive different and I was wrong to push my way upon them,years ago.I regret that.

When remorse cant be shared, it is sad to see those hurting.I wish and hope them well.

I knew they hadn't accepted me, I felt https://it.I was placated and dismissed, my entire life, by them, my own. A last thought, the forgotten one, the one who was always asked about,Where's Amy, How's Amy? They heard it, their entire lives and they hated me, for it. They, did that. Not https://me.They said I wanted https://attention.They told me, they were sick of https://answering.And they thought Id tell people first, what they did.
So discredit my word first, paint a victim role, a dependant moron,who is incapable and is a bad mother and sister. Yet, no one had a role in, our lives and I asked, I attended and https://waited.Funny how that plays out.no one had a front seat. All hearsay and gossip, all from a couple players. I ask, I confront and bite back.
They did not like https://that.I am not stupid or psychotic, I have extremely hypo emotional intelligence, high scores 😆 🤣 😂yikes.I cant compute the nuances of socializing.
It was a cycle. And, if Im kept in the dark, I'd definitely react stupid, being kept, in the dark.
I no longer wanted to be that charactor for them to mock, belittle and https://chastise.I was, the punching bag. Years later, thats funny, to https://me.I remove myself self but I was,still a problem, to be dealt with.
I have been, judged and disrespected, countless times, for no reason, other than a gossips gifts for sport. Has to do with,economic status, image, titles and education status, that is all. Labels and status for comparison.
And to me, that is a NOT, a great bar for, character.

Id try and engage but the seed was planted, by my choices, years prior. Theyd ask odd questions, to try to weave, the answers they had, assumed, over years of watching but never engaging.

Some people CANNOT handle being wrong, for anything. And will never admit their wrong doings, ever.

Straight questions get straight https://answers.When you play vague games, I'll make you walk the maze as well.im not playing nice to people, who treat me like https://dirt.When a family, tries to write your own script, they abandoned, all truth and the chances of real connection,to become https://obsolete.I am vulnerable and open to building, when all, are forthcoming.
Being a target and singled out, isnt mending or fostering, it is, controlling and https://manipulating.I have not spent years recovering to be placed back in a position to be shunned, boxed or https://used.My best is ahead of me, it could be one day a week of being fulfilled to everyday, that is my choice.my future, IS mine to decide and build.im going to keep being transparent and intentionally https://present.I will beable to stand my ground, I will listen and will continue to give grace to those people who hurt https://us.I have wasted time out of fear, of facing what has transpired and it hurts too much,to face another label and https://loss.I am over https://it.Done.My husband, my son, my home, my pets, is my concern.it is, has been and will continue to be, for him. Will.
Those without him, will never understand, https://why.Because they never asked.
We are, too much, but I'd rather be that, than, not enough.
And we are.

I knew they hadn't accepted me, I felt https://it.I was placated and dismissed, my entire life, by them, my own. A last thought, the forgotten one, the one who was always asked about,Where's Amy, How's Amy? They heard it, their entire lives and they hated me, for it. They, did that. Not https://me.They said I wanted https://attention.They told me, they were sick of https://answering.And they thought Id tell people first, what they did.
So discredit my word first, paint a victim role, a dependant moron,who is incapable and is a bad mother and sister. Yet, no one had a role in, our lives and I asked, I attended and https://waited.Funny how that plays out.no one had a front seat. All hearsay and gossip, all from a couple players. I ask, I confront and bite back.
They did not like https://that.I am not stupid or psychotic, I have extremely hypo emotional intelligence, high scores 😆 🤣 😂yikes.I cant compute the nuances of socializing.
It was a cycle. And, if Im kept in the dark, I'd definitely react stupid, being kept, in the dark.
I no longer wanted to be that charactor for them to mock, belittle and https://chastise.I was, the punching bag. Years later, thats funny, to https://me.I remove myself self but I was,still a problem, to be dealt with.
I have been, judged and disrespected, countless times, for no reason, other than a gossips gifts for sport. Has to do with,economic status, image, titles and education status, that is all. Labels and status for comparison.
And to me, that is a NOT, a great bar for, character.

Id try and engage but the seed was planted, by my choices, years prior. Theyd ask odd questions, to try to weave, the answers they had, assumed, over years of watching but never engaging.

Some people CANNOT handle being wrong, for anything. And will never admit their wrong doings, ever.

Straight questions get straight https://answers.When you play vague games, I'll make you walk the maze as well.im not playing nice to people, who treat me like https://dirt.When a family, tries to write your own script, they abandoned, all truth and the chances of real connection,to become https://obsolete.I am vulnerable and open to building, when all, are forthcoming.
Being a target and singled out, isnt mending or fostering, it is, controlling and https://manipulating.I have not spent years recovering to be placed back in a position to be shunned, boxed or https://used.My best is ahead of me, it could be one day a week of being fulfilled to everyday, that is my choice.my future, IS mine to decide and build.im going to keep being transparent and intentionally https://present.I will beable to stand my ground, I will listen and will continue to give grace to those people who hurt https://us.I have wasted time out of fear, of facing what has transpired and it hurts too much,to face another label and https://loss.I am over https://it.Done.My husband, my son, my home, my pets, is my concern.it is, has been and will continue to be, for him. Will.
Those without him, will never understand, https://why.Because they never asked.
We are, too much, but I'd rather be that, than, not enough.
And we are.

I've told a handful of friends that I am undergoing #emdr for my #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder and find it disappointing that no one checks in on me to ask me how it's going. I understand that they may not know what to say or that they don't know what that means--but I don't have to know what it's like to have a mom with breast cancer or Hashimoto's Disease or a mean mother-in-law to ask any of them about their struggles.

I do my best to show up for my friends, to listen to their down days and celebrate their good ones. All I ask is to be acknowledged for my reality and maybe a phone call or text to check in and see how I'm doing. That would go a long way. Instead, I get idle chit chat about what "activities" I'm doing, how my worklife is, general blah blah blah about nothing of import.

Living with CPTSD is a daily challenge and I wish people could not ignore my experience. If you can relate, what are some things you've tried to get support from your friends?

I've told a handful of friends that I am undergoing #emdr for my #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder and find it disappointing that no one checks in on me to ask me how it's going. I understand that they may not know what to say or that they don't know what that means--but I don't have to know what it's like to have a mom with breast cancer or Hashimoto's Disease or a mean mother-in-law to ask any of them about their struggles.

I do my best to show up for my friends, to listen to their down days and celebrate their good ones. All I ask is to be acknowledged for my reality and maybe a phone call or text to check in and see how I'm doing. That would go a long way. Instead, I get idle chit chat about what "activities" I'm doing, how my worklife is, general blah blah blah about nothing of import.

Living with CPTSD is a daily challenge and I wish people could not ignore my experience. If you can relate, what are some things you've tried to get support from your friends?

I have, not inserted myself into anyones life, in years, because I wasn't welcomed, I asked hard questions about things that has significance, in my life and no one to help me. I did ask, I was shunned, for asking.
Alot, of mixed https://messages.And I am hurt and alone, not by choice.
I've learned, no one will, be forth coming or transparent about the last couple years, with https://me.I was, and that person, welcomed me with open arms, at first, until, the people in their life, questioned https://it.Their patterns not mine.
Because I was a secret, an embarrassment,kept in the dark but I, did not know this. Until https://recently.All of my https://relationships.Its me, I get it.
And then they went after my https://son.So I removed myself, https://AGAIN.Not control, boundaries.
But that person couldnt handle the truth.so they trashed me, set me up, go after family but they,still continued to mess with my life. But are not in it.
This went on for https://years.And done it to others. I, am not the first. Now multiple people have been played.I'm, Not the one who deserves to be https://humiliated.Keep playing and I will, play fair. I wont be intimidated or threatened, anymore.
I am aware and Your perception is amusement, to me. All involved, playedyourselves.
You cannot play people for sport and when, they are watching, you try, to deny it, it is sick and it will return to you, ten fold.You, did that to my Son.
I wished many well, I keep working, on relearning and Im still, dragged backwards, by those, adiment on hurting me and https://mine.All in the guise of care. I'm not proving myself to anyone, https://anymore.My sons future, IS my concern,my heart is, broken and he never, should have been https://used.Keeping me in the dark is wrong.it has not and will not help and, now I am, done participating, for good. Im not a social project or a therapy session for people to free guilt https://from.Go play Jackass and Hero control complex,with someone elses life,please.Mines not for sport. I wanted him to have more, that was all. I did it alone,for years and everyone had conditions and I am through with transactional relationships.We, deserved https://better.And I see it all now.

I have, not inserted myself into anyones life, in years, because I wasn't welcomed, I asked hard questions about things that has significance, in my life and no one to help me. I did ask, I was shunned, for asking.
Alot, of mixed https://messages.And I am hurt and alone, not by choice.
I've learned, no one will, be forth coming or transparent about the last couple years, with https://me.I was, and that person, welcomed me with open arms, at first, until, the people in their life, questioned https://it.Their patterns not mine.
Because I was a secret, an embarrassment,kept in the dark but I, did not know this. Until https://recently.All of my https://relationships.Its me, I get it.
And then they went after my https://son.So I removed myself, https://AGAIN.Not control, boundaries.
But that person couldnt handle the truth.so they trashed me, set me up, go after family but they,still continued to mess with my life. But are not in it.
This went on for https://years.And done it to others. I, am not the first. Now multiple people have been played.I'm, Not the one who deserves to be https://humiliated.Keep playing and I will, play fair. I wont be intimidated or threatened, anymore.
I am aware and Your perception is amusement, to me. All involved, playedyourselves.
You cannot play people for sport and when, they are watching, you try, to deny it, it is sick and it will return to you, ten fold.You, did that to my Son.
I wished many well, I keep working, on relearning and Im still, dragged backwards, by those, adiment on hurting me and https://mine.All in the guise of care. I'm not proving myself to anyone, https://anymore.My sons future, IS my concern,my heart is, broken and he never, should have been https://used.Keeping me in the dark is wrong.it has not and will not help and, now I am, done participating, for good. Im not a social project or a therapy session for people to free guilt https://from.Go play Jackass and Hero control complex,with someone elses life,please.Mines not for sport. I wanted him to have more, that was all. I did it alone,for years and everyone had conditions and I am through with transactional relationships.We, deserved https://better.And I see it all now.