I’ve always had a hard time letting go. Whether it’s people, words, or objects. I think part of it is being neurodivergent. My brain clings to things too tightly.
It’s not just sentimental items, though those are the most obvious. I still have my old stuffed animal tucked away in my closet because it was once my security blanket growing up. I have a bunch of ripped paper wristbands from concerts I attended over the years because it’s a joyous memory. I’m used to holding onto old newspaper clippings, movie stubs, hotel key cards—all of it stashed away in shoeboxes because I never seem motivated enough to organize them into a scrapbook. To anyone else, they’d look like random junk. But to me, they’re the gatekeepers of my memories. It’s proof that those moments mattered and left a lasting impression on me.
This is embarrassing, but I have attachments to clothes and shoes. Believe me, I love clearing out space and making room for something new, but at the same time, it stings to let it go. I hold onto them for as long as I can. I can’t tell you how many old band tees I’ve collected since my teenage years that I still haven’t parted with. They carry memoires of a version of myself that once existed. Donating them feels a little like saying goodbye to that person, and I’m not always ready for that.
And it’s not just physical things. Emotionally, I hold on just as tightly. I live with intense RSD (rejection sensitivity dysphoria), which means that words spoken to me, especially painful ones, stick. I replay them, revisit them, and often they live rent free in my head far longer than they should. Maybe that’s why I cling so hard to objects that hold joy and memory.
The truth is, I’ve made peace with the fact that I’m not great at letting go. My shoeboxes of ticket stubs and keys, my closet full of clothes, and my old stuffed animal aren’t clutter to me. They’re possessions that make me feel like me. They remind me of where I’ve been, who I’ve been, and the memories worth keeping. That in itself is reason enough to me to hold onto.
“We keep the things we can’t let go of because they hold the pieces of who we were.”-Unknown
#MentalHealth #neuro #ADHD
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