neurodiversity

I just wanted to jump on here and thank those who have taken a few moments to read my recently published story: Accepting the Truth as a Neurodivergent Zebra. Also, a few of you already started following #TinyZebraNotes on Instagram - I hope you find encouragement and humor in its posts :)

Lastly, I'm humbled that The Mighty took a chance on publishing my story, as it was a lengthy one (I'm a long-winded person, as evidenced by this post!) filled with personal experiences and information on the neurodivergent community. I look forward to contributing more in the future!#MightyTogether #TinyZebraNotes #neurodivergentzebra #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #ADHD #OCD #PTSD #Neurodiversity #ChronicPain #MentalHealth

I had the conversation with the GM about the complaint that was filed on me. He said the ONLY reason to have the conversation at all, is to prevent it again moving forward. He was okay with the email being sent without me knowing, because he'd prefer any discipline come from himself or the assistant manager rather than a key holder, and whether it was in an email, or if they had discussed it in person, the purpose is purely communication. I still think it would've been nice to have a heads up, but whatever.

The customer had asked if I could find a specific item any faster than she could, which given the way things are randomized on purpose, I said "probably not, everything is mixed together and the only way to find something is to dig through it." I should've offered to help, but she didn't ask me directly to do so, (then when she complained, claimed that she did, at which point I walked away.) She seemed to laugh it off, and I figured that was the end of it. I told him the assistant manager acted like it happened because I didn't know better, and I felt like she treated me like a child. "Do you know where you went wrong, why was it wrong, what should you have done?, You can't say things like that! etc." He immediately said "I know why it happened, you thought it was true." Because he knows I doubt and beat myself up so much, and get "Eeyore brain" (his phrase that I'm stealing) "Just try not to say it out loud next time. I know you know better." And I said, so that's it, it's over and done with?" and he said "What do you want me to do, ground you?"

I'm still getting used to the part where there's no gaslighting, criticism or character judgements where I get told to "grow up and try harder" He says he understands me because I'm a lot like him. I've disclosed the basics of my #Disability and he knows I have #Anxiety and #Depression , but doesn't have details. I swear he was a therapist in a past life; or he's been through something horrifically traumatic that's none of my business. And he's why I never want to leave this job. #Neurodiversity #Employment

I had my first official complaint at my new job I've had about 3 months. It might be my first official one EVER (at least where the customer wasn't so obviously the problem, that I got a free pass), and I've been in retail for 6 years. It was one of those "Most people wouldn't have given it a second thought, but this one person wanted to b*tch" situations. Both my fault and not a big deal. I wasn't officially written up, but it went into the closing email that goes to all the managers and key holders without a word to me. Which means I was once again pulled into an office and blindsided (but I was aware enough to know it happened and was coming) with something that should've been brought to me first. I told the assistant manager "I don't want you to think I'm not taking it seriously, but it's my first one, and it was going to happen eventually." And it's probably going to come up with the GM again tomorrow. Lucky for me, this is the absolutely incredible manager, but the more I think about it, the more scared I get. He's told me before "You can talk to me about anything" and "I don't want anybody to be scared to come to work" and he's proven it. But, we can only have this conversation so many times; and I've been screwed over, stabbed in the back and gaslit so much in the past that I can't trust authority to save my life. #Anxiety #Depression #Neurodiversity #Employment

I understand it’s popular right now. That words like bandwagon are thrown at it. Overdiagnosis. Trend. We are sick of hearing about it. ADHD is old news. Boring, even. Whatever, next, move on. But I will not move on, because I cannot. My neurodiverse brain doesn’t have that privilege.

It might be hard to imagine, and for your sake I truly hope it is, but some of us grow up feeling wrong. We look at those around us, the lucky ones who received the manual on ‘how to human’, and we scratch our heads. We hide our wrongness, remarkably well sometimes, and often for years. But it comes out, as it needs to, and in ways that make life hard.

It comes out in being late, for everything. It comes out in endlessly analysing everything you said, and did, and are, and hating those things. It comes out in overwhelm, in paralysing indecision. It comes out in half-finished jobs, and degrees, and in procrastination so intense it needs a new word to describe how impotent it makes us feel. It comes out in trauma, in self harm, in substance abuse and suicidality. In eating disorders, anxiety, and depression. It comes out in hurt, in emptiness, in an inner critic that destroys your confidence far quicker than any high school bully could.

However it comes out, and whatever it looks like for you, ADHD is real, and it can be debilitating. It’s trending because finally we are realising that it doesn’t have to be. We don’t have to feel wrong anymore. We can talk about our struggles, validate our experiences, learn from our hardships and celebrate our differences so that we don’t have to spend even one more day feeling wrong for who we are.

Receiving my ADHD diagnosis not only allowed me to access the support and medication I needed to address the decreased dopamine my brain produces, but it enabled me to look back at my life and understand it. To have compassion for my confusion, my struggles and my hurt. Most importantly for me, it has given me a new lens to view my children, and their friends, and all of us who walk through the world with special, beautiful brains that feel it all.

I am so fucking grateful for the ‘trend’ of ADHD diagnosis. I am one of the ‘over’ diagnosed, and I jumped on that bandwagon like a life raft. I’ll never grow tired of talking about neurodiversity. I’ll never ‘move on’. And after a lifetime spent wishing so desperately that I could, I now realise that I truly don’t want to. To me, at least, that makes all the difference in the world.