Anyone ever feel like something or someone or multiple someones attempting to reach out to you, or guide you? For better, or worse?
I would LOVE any and all feedback, even if it's to tell me I'm crazy! I have had a very ... trying I guess you could say, last 2-3 years. During this time i started expressing that I thought I was seeing the same people and vehicles everywhere... now I understand if you take the same route and live in the same place for a period of time and have a pretty solid routine then if course, crazy, you'll see the same folks and vehicles are just copies of copies, there's so many out there. However to me, the instances where I would randomly and purposely go in circles... i still would see, or think I was seeing the same things. so when I began to tell people about it I was made fun of which hurt but they took it so far as to say I'm losing my mind, I've changed , I'm a danger to everyone and the worst of all they took my son, and this was my family... the family I built over almost a decade. I trusted them to help me not demonize me. I got him my son back but only after jumoing through... awful, inhuman, and completely soul crushing hoops... none involving actual help from a professional. Anyway, that was 2 years ago... for awhile I just quit talking and thinking about it... making witty jokes about things, but these things were me telling my truth to those I didn't feel were "safe" to tell, it's terrifying even now writting this. I know I need help. Last year is when I started associating everything and I really do mean EVERYTHING with myself and the beliefs ive carried begrudgingly and unwanted these past years. Random songs and videos, as well as people I speak with and encounter. It's hard to trust anyone ecause I always think they're "one of them" or are being used by "them". Sometimes I feel I'm being persuaded and brainwashed into making certain decisions or changing certain things about myself. Sometimes even threatened or bribed with things "they" would know I keep hidden or secret. At one point it was so bad I was so delusional and paranoid I thought there were microphones and cameras in my house... I thought my phone and everything I see or hear from it was controlled or atleast purposely changed or put in front of me by "them". Sometimes I consider it to be quite comforting, and other times I just feel insane and needing to be hospitalized. I've read after a traumatic experience or multiple your psyche will make up delusions as a protection, and to make sense of or give purpose to the traumatic experience. I wonder if I made "them" up while I was being abused to feel like even tho I didn't or couldn't say anything or report my abusers that others knew about it and would help me or atleast stand up for me in some way.... I don't know, anyone else? #Delusions #Trauma #Paranoia #PTSD #CPTSD #brokenbeliefs #fearful #willthisevergoaway #AmIcrazy #Depression #Anxiety #isthisreallife #trustissues #lietosurvive #amongmonsters #Family #betrayal #demonized