The two weeks leading up to having to report to prison were two of the best weeks I had had in a long time. Don’t get me wrong, they were also the scariest weeks. These two weeks I was able to start to get something missing from my life for a while, that being family. I convinced my mom, her husband, and my father to have Thanksgiving at my house. No small feat as my mom always spends Thanksgiving and Christmas with my sister. I played my dad’s favorite video game, Zombie Army 4, with him. Even purchased downloadable content to give us extra missions to play. I got my mom to go to a drive thru Christmas light display at a local theme park and went out for McFlurries after. The night before I had to report my dad and I watched The Santa Clause tv show until I fell asleep on the couch.
While in prison I spent a lot of time thinking how I could recapture that magic. The magic of family. I devised a plan, invited everyone for one meal a month at my house and to go out to eat with everyone once a month. Since it would be summer when I get out, I would invite everyone for a cookout. I would go with my mom to Kentucky again to see the Ark Encounter, Creation Museum, and an aquarium. I felt I had it all figured out. While I was in prison, my dad and mom let it slip that they got me a Moon Pod for Christmas something I wanted. Everything felt like it was going to as close to perfect as it could be and would capture the magic of the two weeks before I had to report.
The day I was released felt like it was going to be the start of a new and better life, it was set, a cookout at my house and I would get my Christmas present, the Moon Pod. When I got home the Moon Pod was already there waiting for me in my bedroom. I had gotten all I could ask for. Family for a cookout and a Moon Pod. The significance of the Mood Pod was that people had told me it helps with depression and anxiety. When my mom and her husband arrived at my house, she informed me she got me additional presents. Additional presents amounted to a lot of stuff. Stuff I didn’t really need, but the gesture of showing me she cared was nice. She honestly probably spent a lot of money. A few days later we all went to Cracker Barrel for supper. Everything seemed to be starting to turn out just how I envisioned it. The new month and a half contained several more cookouts, going to Cracker Barrel, and a few get togethers at my house. The magic family was alive again in my life.
That all changed last week. My mom is accused of not paying for merchandise on the bottom of her cart by a local grocery store. She doesn’t want me to know, but naturally she told my father, and he told me. She has no intention to get a lawyer. No intention to fight. So naturally I am left to think the worst. I never wanted all the things she bought me. If she is having money issues and that is the reason for her actions. All I wanted when I got out was the magic of family. I didn’t mean to make her feel like she had to buy me a ton of things for Christmas, family is all I truly wanted. Before this happened, I would get a ton of calls every day from her, now I get none. Before this happened, she would come into my work and talk for a bit after she got done at work every day, now she comes into give me receipts to scan into an app and says I have to go. I want her to use the money she saved for vacation and get a lawyer. I wish I had known she was buying me so much so I could have told her no. I wish I could have the family magic I was able to capture, but I fear that magic is gone forever. I feel responsible for the possible had decision she made. Now I feel broken and responsible for a past decision of someone else. I will always support my mom no matter what, as she supported me through my trouble.
#Family #MentalHealth #struggling #struggle