trustissues

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BPD and CPTSD #BPD #CPTSD #Childhoodtrauma #DBT #traumaprocessing #Hypervigilence #selfsabotage #trustissues #traumaresponse

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about unprocessed trauma, and how it impacts everyday life. It determines much of how a person views their relationships, self, and how they respond to stress and fear. I was diagnosed with BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) in 2017, and it was always very clear to me that many of my symptoms were directly related to trauma I experienced during childhood. Most of this trauma took place from ages 13-19, during an abusive relationship that started my freshman year of high school, and did not end fully end until 2019. Now, five years later, I am trying to unpack the trauma from this time period that I have been pushing to the back of my mind and attempting to avoid for so long.

I cant avoid it because it still frames many of my relationships (both with friends and my spouse). In times of stress and big life changes, I find myself on guard, treating others and myself with coldness and mistrust. My spouse is traveling for work frequently, so I am spending more time alone. I am struggling to maintain motivation and focus both at home and at work, and am often irritable. I become very negative, both towards daily life and myself. I over analyze everything my spouse says to me or doesn’t say to me, and I find myself complaining about almost everything, and feeling guilty about it and realizing that everything in life is good right now, so why am I having such a hard time accepting it? Why do I always have to find something wrong? Why is normalcy so uncomfortable for me?

In taking a hard look at my behavioral patterns, I noticed that many of my reactions to things and interpretations of other’s actions are the same or similar to those I had during the abusive relationship in my teen years. I started to wonder if this was connected, and if there was anything I could do to retrain my mind to not exist in the “trauma realm”. BPD is often diagnosed in individuals who have endured some kind of physical or emotional trauma. The trauma is usually long-term, and it warps how a person sees themself and interacts with the world. It is treatable and is a disorder that can be remedied through retraining the brain to respond differently, interpret differently, and cope differently.

Recently, a new diagnosis has emerged, CPTSD, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. This disorder shares many symptoms with BPD, and is different from PTSD in that it relates to damage from long-term trauma and not one singular traumatic event or experience. I discovered this new diagnosis while researching trauma response in relationships. (It has been excluded from the DSM-5 thus far). There have been mixed feelings and opinions from the psychological community at large as to the significance of this new diagnosis, and some resistance due to the symptom overlap between CPTSD and other disorders. One of the biggest areas of contention has been the overlap between CPTSD and BPD. In the image I shared, the overlap in symptoms can be seen.

I wanted to reach out to the community here, and ask for thoughts regarding the overlap between BPD and CPTSD, and also ask for advice in the way of overcoming long-term trauma. What are your thoughts on CPTSD, and how should it be interpreted by those who have received a BPD diagnosis? What methods of treatment or small actions have been helpful for you (or your patients) as it relates to trauma responses and being able to recognize them? Has anyone else struggled with long term trauma lasting multiple years, and adjusting to “normal” life on the other side?

I also wanted to ask for thought and feedback regarding unprocessed trauma, and how processing past trauma in a healthy way might have helped you (or a patient)? What steps were taken to process the trauma? What connections were established or discovered between the trauma and behavioral responses to triggers? How were these responses redirected or altered, thus diminishing the “trauma realm” response and shifting to a more mindful and present(in the now)-focused response?

All thoughts and feedback is appreciated!

(edited)
16 reactions 4 comments
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I'm hurt

I am incredibly hurt. A friend I met here has been ignoring me for no reason. I trusted him. He just...I needed him the other day and he said he'd be there. but he wasn't. #bestfriend #trustissues #Men

9 reactions 7 comments
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Feeling so alone #Depression #self -hatred #overthinking #Relationships #trustissues

I’ve been trying to deal with my overthinking…..I’m so down on myself right now and my bf is doing his own thing without a care in the world…..why is he still with me? If hes talking to other females? I don’t know how much more I can take….

7 reactions 3 comments
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Living With Trust Issues

My Story - I have bpd and I grew up in a household that was very unique/Strange. Well onlookers saw us as strange but as a child growing up it seemed very normal. I had no clue that both my parents were narcissistic. But looking back on things my dad was always leaving us mom would always get angry and take it out on me and my siblings. This happened for years. They said I didn't start talking till I was 2 years old, but I can remember dissociating at age 5 didn't know it was called that then, but it really sucked! My mom regularly invalidated me like it was some kind of game or something, but she had her own thing going own from her childhood and would zone out most of the time. This a chapter out of my childhood. From this I have trust issues and abandonment issues#trustissues #MentalHealth #MentalIllness #abandonmentissues #BPD

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Not opening up

I refuse to open up about my mental health and childhood sexual abuse in any future romantic relationships. My X used my sexual abuse against me. He also used my mental illness against even though he had bipolar disorder and schizoaffective disorder. I don’t trust anyone. #trustissues ##SexualAbuse #majordepressivedisoder #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #PTSD

3 reactions 8 comments
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Relationship and cheating anxiety.

How can I deal with my boyfriend meeting up with another girl? For context, she used to be in love with him and, whilst he never reciprocated, she never seemed to get the message. Fast forward 2 years of dating and she still asks to meet up with him whenever he is back home. He often obliges because he sees her as a good friend. He also had a history of not telling me they have met up so I don’t get angry with him but if anything it just makes me all the more paranoid and more suspicious.
He is not willing to cut her off but I don’t know how to cope with the paranoia and anxiety. I trust him with literally any other person but when it comes to her I have 0 trust when it comes to her.
#trustissues #relationship #Anxiety

4 comments
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New Therapist

I have my first appointment with a master psychologist on Friday. I’m really hoping I like her and it works out. The lady who diagnosed me with ASD thought I would like her but we’ll see. At the very least I hope it’s better than the sessions I had with a counselor last year. I want therapy to be helpful so badly but it’s just so hard to trust people… I wish I knew how to open up to people so someone could help me…

#autism #Anxiety #DissociationDisorders #Siblingabuse #MentalHealth #trustissues

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I got a job

Igot a job today. I should be excited. If I should be excited, why do I have a knot in my throat? Why do I feel like the accusations are gonna start as soon as I clock in? I'm 1,000 miles away from my family because I screwed up. My in-laws decided I needed to go on a visit to see my parents. Without my husband or 6 year old. I feel like I'm slowly digging in quicksand. I feel like I have no control of my own life. #trustissues #Anxiety

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No passion #Depression #FeelingAlone

Finding naked photos on my husbands harddrive is like a slap in the face. I just wanted to look at old photos of family on there and I find those. I knew he’s had photos sent to him because I caught him already and I knew he wrote other girls and that they were just “friends” and we constantly have this conversation about him writing girls to much but I thought he stopped and deleted them. He’s just a friendly, social guy but now I just feel so in adequate and self conscious. Even more so because there is a collection of these photos of old friends or women.. like what am I suppose to do..? I sat down and had a conversation with him about this all and he said it means nothing and he doesn’t know why he saved them and that he wants help but he keeps writing them back and allowing them to send photos. I don’t know how to help him and it breaks my heart that I’ve had this conversation more than once with him. I feel so pathetic like he doesn’t need or want me anymore since he could have apparently others. I don’t know if he does it for the attention of getting photos or if something else is going on but what hurts the most are the lies. The times I’ve confronted him and he lies or tries to down play it…. I seriously only have my husband. I don’t have friends and my world revolves around him so when my relationship with him is lacking or feels broken I feel like the only way to move forward is by giving up. Life is a chore anyways and if I don’t have my husband by me then what’s the point.
#Depression #SuicidalThoughts #trustissues #wannagiveup

10 comments