trustissues

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    Living With Trust Issues

    My Story - I have bpd and I grew up in a household that was very unique/Strange. Well onlookers saw us as strange but as a child growing up it seemed very normal. I had no clue that both my parents were narcissistic. But looking back on things my dad was always leaving us mom would always get angry and take it out on me and my siblings. This happened for years. They said I didn't start talking till I was 2 years old, but I can remember dissociating at age 5 didn't know it was called that then, but it really sucked! My mom regularly invalidated me like it was some kind of game or something, but she had her own thing going own from her childhood and would zone out most of the time. This a chapter out of my childhood. From this I have trust issues and abandonment issues#trustissues #MentalHealth #MentalIllness #abandonmentissues #BPD

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    Not opening up

    I refuse to open up about my mental health and childhood sexual abuse in any future romantic relationships. My X used my sexual abuse against me. He also used my mental illness against even though he had bipolar disorder and schizoaffective disorder. I don’t trust anyone. #trustissues ##SexualAbuse #majordepressivedisoder #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #PTSD

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    Relationship and cheating anxiety.

    How can I deal with my boyfriend meeting up with another girl? For context, she used to be in love with him and, whilst he never reciprocated, she never seemed to get the message. Fast forward 2 years of dating and she still asks to meet up with him whenever he is back home. He often obliges because he sees her as a good friend. He also had a history of not telling me they have met up so I don’t get angry with him but if anything it just makes me all the more paranoid and more suspicious.
    He is not willing to cut her off but I don’t know how to cope with the paranoia and anxiety. I trust him with literally any other person but when it comes to her I have 0 trust when it comes to her.
    #trustissues #relationship #Anxiety

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    New Therapist

    I have my first appointment with a master psychologist on Friday. I’m really hoping I like her and it works out. The lady who diagnosed me with ASD thought I would like her but we’ll see. At the very least I hope it’s better than the sessions I had with a counselor last year. I want therapy to be helpful so badly but it’s just so hard to trust people… I wish I knew how to open up to people so someone could help me…

    #autism #Anxiety #DissociationDisorders #Siblingabuse #MentalHealth #trustissues

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    I got a job

    Igot a job today. I should be excited. If I should be excited, why do I have a knot in my throat? Why do I feel like the accusations are gonna start as soon as I clock in? I'm 1,000 miles away from my family because I screwed up. My in-laws decided I needed to go on a visit to see my parents. Without my husband or 6 year old. I feel like I'm slowly digging in quicksand. I feel like I have no control of my own life. #trustissues #Anxiety

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    No passion #Depression #FeelingAlone

    Finding naked photos on my husbands harddrive is like a slap in the face. I just wanted to look at old photos of family on there and I find those. I knew he’s had photos sent to him because I caught him already and I knew he wrote other girls and that they were just “friends” and we constantly have this conversation about him writing girls to much but I thought he stopped and deleted them. He’s just a friendly, social guy but now I just feel so in adequate and self conscious. Even more so because there is a collection of these photos of old friends or women.. like what am I suppose to do..? I sat down and had a conversation with him about this all and he said it means nothing and he doesn’t know why he saved them and that he wants help but he keeps writing them back and allowing them to send photos. I don’t know how to help him and it breaks my heart that I’ve had this conversation more than once with him. I feel so pathetic like he doesn’t need or want me anymore since he could have apparently others. I don’t know if he does it for the attention of getting photos or if something else is going on but what hurts the most are the lies. The times I’ve confronted him and he lies or tries to down play it…. I seriously only have my husband. I don’t have friends and my world revolves around him so when my relationship with him is lacking or feels broken I feel like the only way to move forward is by giving up. Life is a chore anyways and if I don’t have my husband by me then what’s the point.
    #Depression #SuicidalThoughts #trustissues #wannagiveup

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    Help with trust issues

    I’ve had some bad relationships that always seemed to end up with me being cheated on and left hurting!
    I’ve been in a relationship now for almost 4 years now. I can’t help but constantly worry that my fiancée is cheating on me somehow. I love her and don’t want to lose her over something like jealousy and worry that she is cheating when she is just out with friends.
    How do I overcome these trust issues and so she doesn’t feel bad about going out and worrying about how I’m feeling about it? Has anyone overcome or be able to manage something like this? It’s not far for her that past relationships have messed me up?

    #trustissues #borderlinepersonality

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    I found a strength in myself! #trustissues #self -doubt #intuition #overthinking #selfgrowth

    Today my boyfriend confessed something I had been suspecting/fearing for a long time. I never really confronted him about it, because in my mind I was ashamed of even being distrustful of him. I tried all kinds of methods to help myself thinking differently, but I just couldn't shake the feeling of. It really brought me so much pain. Because on one hand I didn't trust him, and on the other hand I was doubting myself, feeling like this crazy girlfriend. Unrelated recent events have led me to thinking that I actually have a strong intuition. And today I finally had it confirmed. I was not even mad. The confirmation about being right, that the uncomfortable feelings, the distrust, the pain - it was NOT all in my head. For me, the lack of honesty is the worst. It creates loads of fake scenarios and hurt. I know I can always handle the truth, so that's really all I need and expect to have peace. I consider myself an incredibly understanding and non-judgemental person, so the truth itself did not bother me, even though my intuition was right and my fear was real. I mean, I even understand why he kept this from me. But it's the lying and going behind my back that's unbearable. The feeling of distrust. So I felt the need to write this down, because now I'm just utterly relieved. I do indeed have a strong intuition that I can actually trust from now on. My feelings are real, and I have a whole new faith in myself!

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    Hand weakness and trembling

    Has anyone else experienced hand weakness and tremors after a car accident? It's been affecting me for over 2 year's now and I've already seen a neurologist about it, neuromuscular specialist too. They want me to have an MRI done since they are suspecting it's my brain. They don't believe it has anything to do with my accident. But I'm not so sure. A few days after we were rear-ended I had numbness occur on my left side and lower back. It stayed that way for months. Also it sometimes comes & goes. I was left with this tremor and weakness. It frustrates me because it causes me to drop things and it shakes uncontrollably sometimes. I have to mention too that I also had a mild traumatic brain injury from the accident. I didn't know that was possible without hitting your head but when my neck whiplashed, it must've happened then. I have gotten whiplash before from other rear-end accidents.
    The MRI had to be cancelled due to my son's illness. They said it'll be necessary to inject dye into my veins in order to get the information the Doctor needs about my brain. It frightens me. I react so easily to medications & have allergies.
    What should I do? Wait and see if it worsens or get the MRI to get a diagnosis. I am no stranger to mysterious ailments and prolonged diagnoses, I have been invalidated by Doctors and suffer from C-PTSD/ PTSD. I have heard that medical PTSD is a real thing too. I suspect I have it. I lack trust in new physicians and get anxious about my treatments.
    Thanks for taking the time to read my message.
    #CPTSD #Anxiety #MedicalPtsd #handtremor #mriwithdyeinjection #MRI #trustissues #ChronicIllness

    Question

    How bad does beibg paranoid and suspicious get with you? #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BPD #Paranoia #suspicious #trustissues

    It gets to the point that the smallest nuetral comment from whoever i am speaking spiraling into a dwelling nightmare because another person said something similar the same day or within a few hours. It goes into they are out to get me. During it feels very real and only after the damage i can see how my own perception of reality was distorted. It reaches a point of suspecting everyone i talk to even when they assure me when i voice it. I would get calm for a bit then doubt the calm and spiral again. Does it ruin relationships with you? It has with me. I can sense the core is fear of trust. I am aware i dont trust myself. And it is hard to trust people as well.