Fakehappy

Usually gardening helps make me feel better. Not this year. I am trying to live off the land to cut food costs going out and for us to have healthier foods. I usually enjoy this. But, this year.. nothing is going right and it is sad and stressful.
I am trying to make memories with the kids and teach them... loose weight... and not snap for them destroying the house. I feel like a maide and used by all here. It feels like #Noonecares , but me.
Trying to deal with the house and then, outside with the mini orchard, greenhouse and poultry... and landscaping.... then, advocate for people who don't listen to me is frustrating and overwhelming. I feel lost and have small happy moments... but, they... nor the feeling lasts. I end up wanting to sleep and feeling alone and empty. I am a mom of 4 boys in the house with me. I can't allow this to consume me. So... #Fakehappy ... #JustBreathe and #smilethroughit without allowing disrespect. Teaching them to talk instead of scream or hit. I know they are likely feeling my masked energy. I don't know how to help it. Maybe some aroma therapy more or holistic medicine. It would help more if it would stop raining g so much. This is why my house gets to stay like junk in the summer. I have winter #SeasonalDepression ... so in the summer... I am all about soaking up the sun.
My husband was nice and sprayed the fenced in part of out backyard so all of us could be less attacked by the mosquitoes and enjoy the outdoors more. We all love being outside. We prefer it. I just want to hybranate in the winter. The issue? I gained sooo much weight. It js super slow to come off. I went from a 7/8 to a 14. 💯😳🤯 So... I had NO pants or shorts to wear. My legs tough and I am chafing. #Myhusbanddoesntunderstand any of my issues. I told him I don't care what he thinks about my weight! He doesn't have to deal with any of the pain from any of it. I am bigger than I was pregnant with ANY of my kids.
#Stress is NOT my friend on multiple levels. 😒 Even my Chiropractor noticed my new issues and how stressed I am. 😏
Dealing with a new mid-teenager that is a #higfunctioningspecialkid adds to the chaos of the house. We also have one that is not yet a preteen but acts like he is... he deals with #PTSD just like my husband (#combatveteran ), so.. different causes... but, not helpful for the energy of the house.
I #venttoafriends some... but, we don't all have the same environment.
Thanks for listening❣💯🥰