#Autism #AutismDiagnosis #coping #Disability #breakingpoint This is something that's been bouncing around my head for a while. Thought I'd risk putting it "out there" and see what happens, if anybody else has anything beneficial to add. #MentalHealth I have read in a number of places that #Femaleautism is often only diagnosed after a woman has reached her breaking point, and can no longer meet the demands of "normal life", in her 30s or 40s or later, and already has kids and a career etc. This was not my experience. At least not age wise. I reached this breaking point when I was still in high school. Probably about midway through. I knew I'd never be able to manage all the stuff that was expected of me as a "normal"adult. The whole living independently, having a job, interacting with people all the time,having a romantic relationship, children, etc. etc. Was all entirely overwhelming for me. I could barely manage the demands of being part of a family as a teen, and of high school! And really, if anyone had allowed me to admit it, even that was way over my head. Especially when my severe depression was taken into account, never mind my trauma history or the ongoing trauma I was living in.
Anyways, since nobody cared, or would even acknowledge the difficulties I had with the stuff everyone else took for granted, given I was clearly also intelligent and academically capable, I had to find a way to suffer through, and as soon as possible, try to find other alternatives that would suck less, and be less overwhelming. Long story short, as soon as I was living independently, (as demanded by my family, at 19) I started investigating my options, including disability diagnoses. Eventually, it led to an autism diagnosis only a few years after Asperger's appeared in the DSM 4.
What I keep wondering is this: what does it mean that I reached this breaking point so much earlier than most women on the spectrum? Does it speak to the "severity" of my autism, or just to my degree of self awareness? Or is it something else entirely? I've never been any good at self deception or being anybody but me. I suck at role playing, and found ordinary socialization abhorrent.
Learning to socialize just to fit in was anathema to me, in contrast to so many female ASDers. I'm starting to think this was a good thing, now, though certainly nobody thought so then! I have, however, since been able to develop a number of important relationships that were based on meaningful connections, because I refused to socialize for the sake of socialization. I was even beginning to understand a bit why NTs like socialization, prior to COVID. Now of course, the opportunities aren't there, so that has fallen by the wayside. Somewhere along the line I seem to have developed a number of social skills and emotional intelligence without necessarily realizing it until recently.
More to say, but running out of room.
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