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Fighting it (the days when you feel like you can)

This whole week, I haven't slept well. I took 2 melatonin pills last night to hope it would help me sleep. I still woke up numerous times throughout the night, and spent a good 2 hours tossing & turning. I felt irritated yesterday, and I could tell it would carry on into today. I woke up around 10 am today, and then fell back asleep for another hour, until I finally got out of bed.
I had breakfast, and then I went back to my room, and wished I could escape the world. I just wanted to get away from everything and everyone, and the one person I did want to be with couldn't be there because he was working. While being back in bed for about 45 minutes after my breakfast and chai, I kept thinking about all of the things I need to do...and how much I didn't want to do them, and felt I couldn't do them.

I've recently tried to start going to the gym regularly and work out to try to improve my health. I think the biggest thing about actually keeping consistent with my workouts is just feeling accomplished, and living with the #ChronicPain of #Fibromyalgia, it's really hard to actually feel that way. Normally, I feel like I'm barely getting by. But when I work out, I feel like I've accomplished something, and I've fought my body. And when my fibromyalgia flares, my #Depression and #Anxiety get worse -- which doesn't really help any type of relationship. Working out makes me feel like a #warrior and feels like I'm actually fighting my depression, anxiety, fibromyalgia, and whatever other symptoms I'm facing that day.

After being in bed for near an hour after already having breakfast, I decided to attempt to fight the bad day I felt coming on. I knew if I stayed in bed, my depression would make me feel empty, and my anxiety would lead me to question my relationship and friendships and the way my family views me. I couldn't deal with those #irrational #Thoughts today.
I got out of bed and jumped on the stationary bike and rode it for 30 minutes. Then I came back to my room and did a #blogilates hip hop cardio beat work out. I took a shower, and then cleaned my room a little bit.
I still don't feel that great, but I'm glad I fought when I could.

There are some days when I know I don't have the fight in me, and that's okay. But I also know there are days when I could have fought it, but I don't want to use the energy I have to do that, and just let the bad day happen. Today, I took control. & that felt damn good! In a way, it feels silly to feel so proud of myself over something that may seem trivial to others, but I'm getting to the point that I'm pushing those thoughts out of my head now too. Even if it's trivial to others, it's a big deal for me, and I deserve to feel proud of myself for it.

I hope that on the days you feel you have energy to fight the pain & the darkness, you take that opportunity. Then, let yourself feel proud of your accomplishments, however big or however "small." Celebrate them because you deserve that!


#College #Students Is there a rolling/wheeled laptop briefcase you recommend for daily use? (Big enough to carry a laptop, textbook, binder, etc.)

I have fibromyalgia and lugging around my heavy backpack with my laptop, binders, textbooks, school supplies, lunch and water bottle is a LOT.
I’ve been trying to find a wheeled laptop briefcase/bag that looks professional and could be doubled as a carry-on for flights. I need something that is sturdy, durable and long lasting, and relatively affordable — not trying to spend hundreds of dollars on this.
If any of you have experience any rolling laptop bag that you would recommend (to get or to stay away from!), please share!
Thank you!
#RollingLaptopBriefcase #FibroCHRONICals #Studenthelp


Folks with #Fibromyalgia (preferably in Los Angeles, CA): Any recommendations for good fibro specialists?

I’m from Los Angeles. I was diagnosed with “juvenile” fibromyalgia when I was about 16. That was 6 years ago, and that was a pediatric specialist so I can’t work with her again now. I really only see my physician about fibromyalgia now. I’ve seen a few rheumatologists in the past, got some lab work done through them, and that was about it.
If anyone has suggestions for specialists in Southern California, please share 🙏🏾 I would really like to work with a specialist who I can work with continually.
#FibroCHRONICals #FibroSpecialist


Exhausted. #Fibromyalgia #FibroCHRONICals

I love the rainy weather, but my body does NOT.
It’s been a really difficult day and I feel like I’m on the verge of breaking down. I feel extra sensitive and extra aware of the fibromyalgia pain today.

The random pains all over my body. Screaming to be heard.
The joints in my fingers feel like I can’t bend them. My elbows feel like they’re being poked by needles. My knees feel tight. My ankles feel like they’ve been stuck under boulders.
It’s as if I can feel the pain crawling up from my ankles to my shins to my thighs. I can picture it traveling, that’s how tangible the pain is.
My lower back and spine feel as if they can’t support the weight of my body.
Did I mention I also feel very weak because I haven’t eaten much today? Because that’s also happening. But I can’t force myself to eat because I’m nauseous and the thought of food makes my stomach turn in on itself even more.

I have a big part of an assignment due tonight but I don’t have the energy to sit at my laptop and research for hours.
I’m just so tired.
I didn’t even go to school yesterday, but I forced myself to come today.

Everything just feels so draining. I keep trying to remind myself to breathe, but even that feels like such an effort.

I’m currently sitting surrounded by friends—actually, they’re more like acquaintances— and none of them can see the pain.
And now I feel a scratching pain in my shoulder. Feel it in my elbow. Oh, and now my toes.

I needed to get all of this out. I’m trying to remember I am stronger than all my illnesses, but I feel so tired of fighting it today. I think the best part of today is that it is almost over. #FibroCHRONICals #BadDay #IsTodayDoneYet ? #JustNeededToVent


Start again with good intentions #Depression

I struggled to get out of bed this morning. My back ached and my head felt heavy. But I needed to get up and get ready for school. I felt some of my depression kick in because I was starting to feel frustrated about waking up in pain yet again. It’s exhausting waking up as if your body got no rest.
I didn’t wake up feeling too great. I didn’t consciously think to myself that I am going to have a productive day despite my rough morning.

There are countless days depression has seeped into my mind and caused my judgment, thoughts, and feelings to become clouded and dark. I know that darkness is not who I am.
Depression has the power to contaminate my thoughts and make me believe I am going to have a bad day, but here’s the amazing thing... I am stronger than my and those negative thoughts. Of course, there are some days I may not have the energy to fight it, and I think that’s okay. But, today, I have the strength to get myself out of the darkness.
Maybe I didn’t wake up and start with good intentions, but I can change that at any moment.

Recentering myself, taking a few deep breaths and remembering my resilience, I am starting the rest of my day with good intentions.
I intend to work to the best of my ability. I intend to complete the work I must do for school. I intend to be kind to myself. I am not lazy or careless or irresponsible. I am stronger than my illnesses. I am stronger than my obstacles.
I am a warrior.

While I am proud to feel myself fighting what could have been a bad day, these are all conditional. Being kind to yourself means understanding your body and mind. Sometimes you don’t have the energy, motivation or ability to fight against all the darkness, negativity and pain.
As a reminder to myself & anyone who needs it: it is okay to rest and take a break. Don’t beat yourself up for not finding your way out of a bad day. Don’t compare to how you were able to just change your mindset and start feeling better—it doesn’t always work.
If you have a bad day, it’s still okay. Just do what you can to be good to yourself. A bad day doesn’t mean a bad life. Don’t give a bad day more weight than it deserves.
Do what you can and remember that you’re not alone. You can try again tomorrow.

I don’t know what path my thoughts were going on here, but I wanted to share my experience of having the strength to change my mindset midday and start again with good intentions.

#Depression #Anxiety #Fibro #Fibromyalgia #GoodVibes #GoodIntentions #warrior #fibrowarriors #FibroCHRONICals