This whole week, I haven't slept well. I took 2 melatonin pills last night to hope it would help me sleep. I still woke up numerous times throughout the night, and spent a good 2 hours tossing & turning. I felt irritated yesterday, and I could tell it would carry on into today. I woke up around 10 am today, and then fell back asleep for another hour, until I finally got out of bed.
I had breakfast, and then I went back to my room, and wished I could escape the world. I just wanted to get away from everything and everyone, and the one person I did want to be with couldn't be there because he was working. While being back in bed for about 45 minutes after my breakfast and chai, I kept thinking about all of the things I need to do...and how much I didn't want to do them, and felt I couldn't do them.
I've recently tried to start going to the gym regularly and work out to try to improve my health. I think the biggest thing about actually keeping consistent with my workouts is just feeling accomplished, and living with the #ChronicPain of #Fibromyalgia, it's really hard to actually feel that way. Normally, I feel like I'm barely getting by. But when I work out, I feel like I've accomplished something, and I've fought my body. And when my fibromyalgia flares, my #Depression and #Anxiety get worse -- which doesn't really help any type of relationship. Working out makes me feel like a #warrior and feels like I'm actually fighting my depression, anxiety, fibromyalgia, and whatever other symptoms I'm facing that day.
After being in bed for near an hour after already having breakfast, I decided to attempt to fight the bad day I felt coming on. I knew if I stayed in bed, my depression would make me feel empty, and my anxiety would lead me to question my relationship and friendships and the way my family views me. I couldn't deal with those #irrational #Thoughts today.
I got out of bed and jumped on the stationary bike and rode it for 30 minutes. Then I came back to my room and did a #blogilates hip hop cardio beat work out. I took a shower, and then cleaned my room a little bit.
I still don't feel that great, but I'm glad I fought when I could.
There are some days when I know I don't have the fight in me, and that's okay. But I also know there are days when I could have fought it, but I don't want to use the energy I have to do that, and just let the bad day happen. Today, I took control. & that felt damn good! In a way, it feels silly to feel so proud of myself over something that may seem trivial to others, but I'm getting to the point that I'm pushing those thoughts out of my head now too. Even if it's trivial to others, it's a big deal for me, and I deserve to feel proud of myself for it.
I hope that on the days you feel you have energy to fight the pain & the darkness, you take that opportunity. Then, let yourself feel proud of your accomplishments, however big or however "small." Celebrate them because you deserve that!