some days, my legs pretend they’re made of marble
and i’m left to marvel at the fact that despite all this,
i still have days where i can run.
and i run.
i run away from the mental monsters that only have one goal in mind
i will not be dragged down again
i won’t let them catch me
coping mechanisms, save me
but i tire so easily
and my mind spirals so quickly
and i fall.
i could never smile.
maybe it’s because my brain knew
i’d grin during all of the inappropriate moments
i am nervous laughter.
i sleep with both eyes open because i don’t want to miss a thing
my strength is in my ability to see what goes unnoticed
when the northern hemisphere falls silent
my mind runs rampant
the sun rises
and i fall asleep to dream in technicolor exhaustion
i wake up feeling heavy
my mind shuts down
and i wrap myself in a blanket of anxieties so tight i become calmed by ideas they will later write off as irrational
there is no guidebook
for growing up with a type of muscular dystrophy with a name no one could pronounce
save for a handful of doctors and scientists
racing for a cure,
it’s called facioscapulohumeral muscular dystrophy
there is no antidote
for a poison you don’t know the name of
there is no relief
for the shame i carry
there is no sense
to the madness, unraveling.
#MightyPoets #MuscularDystrophy #fshd #Depression #Anxiety #Insomnia #RareDisease #MentalIllness #MentalHealth #MySymptoms