Goodgrief

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#griefjourney #Grief #Goodgrief #griefisweird

I thought from the first day you’d get better, because you always did.


You always made sure I knew things would be okay once the doctors got your levels right and stopped the stroke like symptoms... but this time was different and you knew it. You came to me in my dreams and let me know. You hugged me and smiled... that’s when I knew that you were gone for good. 


My world and heart shattered in pieces. How is a girl supposed to live without their mother? The person who gave birth to them. You watched life enter my body, and years later I would watch life leave yours. 


There are no more texts, calls or hugs. All I have of you now is memories, photos and voicemails.. that I cherish and cry at when I see them or think about them. 


The waves may not be 100 feet tall anymore but that doesn’t mean they don’t hurt as much. 

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“Weebles May Wobble but they ...”

Hi Y’all-
I’m Sara. I’m new here but also not.
I know I haven’t had much opportunity to open up on The Mighty. That said: Simply being able to read and press the ♥️ button has been an INCREDIBLE HELP. THANK YOU FELLOW MIGHTY WARRIORS!

With that in mind- let me jump on into the deep end (I’m talking diving via springboard-nose plugs and all) of the pool.

I absolutely dig the “Favorite Quotes”
Post (?) Pardon-as I learn more Mighty jargon 😉☺️...

Today- I put a quote up in that thread. Total ‘No Holds Barred’ I could think of many a quote- and will probably add more.
But I digress-

The quote that popped into my head is from a band named ‘NoMeansNo’
The quote:
“Nonsense is better than no sense at all.“
From their ‘0+2=1’ Album.

The thing is - the quote has always stuck with me for various reasons-
Recently, however, it’s become emblazoned in my heart 💜 and MIND.

It has become even more special to me b/c My Best friend
(aka- the FAMILY I Choose) of over 25 years passed away not even 1 year ago (2019)
His birthday was March 11. He would’ve been 46 this year.
Now, Myself and Family/ FRamily alike, must get through April.
April will be 1 year of his passing.
I’m a bit all over the place.
Pinging from thought to thought- just as I did as the dancer that I once was...literally Spinning and jumping-
Only now, the landing is tougher.
The spinning doesn’t stop- even if I look at one fixed point in the distance
(as dancers are trained to do so that we don’t fall over).

Lately I’ve been more like a ‘Weeble - Wobble’. Remember those?
That succinct tag line:
“Weebles Wobble BUT they don’t fall down!”

Ok, Now I’m ‘dating myself in time’ and I can hear the echo of his (my friend’s) laughter just from me writing about Weeble Wobbles... 🤷🏻‍♀️ Oy.

With all the Chronic illnesses that have been w/me since birth + The Cancer I got through + the Cancer’s Aftermath and NOW new Neurology issues -(That list is long enough for this moment) -

Putting all that aside
I can only say: In MY personal experience- My 42 years of this crap-

I am used to being the one who survives in this Intoxicatingly Beautiful Tragic yet Wondrous Life.

I’m not complaining -ok maybe a lil bit- but it does beg the question: “Why me?”

Not exactly “Why is this happening to me?!” Although those days do happen. Y’all know! We all get them 🙃

Rather: “Why Me?”
As in “Why am I still here?”
Watching people who have had the same or similar experiences, illness or issues fade away. . . 🧚‍♂️
“Why am I still here?”
—————————
#introduction
#CheckInWithMe #MightyTogether #CPTSD #SurvivorsGuilt #SexualViolenceSurvivors #IllnessAnxietyDisorder
#non-SmallCellLungCancer #MixedConnectiveTissueDiseaseMCTD #Migraines #Goodgrief #weebleswobble #Neuropathy #ImmuneDeficiency

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