Having a hard day. I just got confirmation that I have skin Lupus on top of Fibromyalgia, Granuloma annulare, and various mental things I’m dealing with. #Fibromyaliga #Granulomaannulare #LupusDiagnosis
I was going to title this goodbye old me but then I decided it needs to be upbeat. I’ve been on the marathon in the hell of chronic illness since 2011.
I’ve mourned myself for the past few years (much harder than the “friendships” you mourn after a cancer diagnosis!) I’ve wished and tried so hard to be that person again, the carefree 28 year old - that one who had the oh so blissful “those things don’t happen to me” outlook... the one who didn’t know the absolute kick in the stomach feeling of a life turned upside down by a diagnosis.
I have missed me so much and I’ve finally had an epiphany - I can not be her again, this is me!
I’m so tired, tired of trying to be her while being tired from battling chronic illness. I’ve exhausted myself fighting my new me and fighting my mind... it’s time to submit to new me.
Time to embrace this new life & realize if I overdo myself then I will have a flare up, I will be tired and I will need to rest.
The girl who was a fitness junkie is gone and it’s ok that she has gone, this body has carried me through this rough journey and birthed three kids - I need to be thankful and embrace that body. She is tired, but she is beautiful.
So 2019 is my year to let go and be the best new me I can be. To have empathy for this new me is so important also. I am sure I will come out of the darkness if I can carry these thoughts through. Who’s in?