Latest
#learning about myself
So to start out, I want to say that my birth name is Michaela. I usually don't state this, but in this case it's necessary.
I have a friend who was there when I was Michaela, but was unaware of why I changed my name. So, he asked me. My response threw me off a little. I didn't think and just sent him an honest message. I didn't even know some of this until I sent it to him. I said:
" I have a lot of negative stuff attached to "Michaela" and..idk, it's like when I transgender person changes their name, yk. It's bcuz they name they were given at birth is damaging. I've had a lot of trauma in my life and all of it happened to Michaela. Ig when I changed it to Laela it was like I was able to start over. Michaela is quiet, shy, and scared of everything. Laela is strong, passionate, and fights for what she wants and believes in. Everything that's happened to me happened when I was going by that name, and I just wanted to move forward. Essentially, it's a dead name. It's harmful and damaging to be called it. “
It's weird to hear people call me Michaela, and it does hurt severely every time. It's like being walked through, like I'm a cloud of mist that doesn't matter.
The picture I attached is one that my mom took of me about a week ago. I love this picture. It shows how much I've #Grown in the past few years. Months even! I've gone from hating myself, and wishing I was dead, to loving myself and planning what I want in my life. People have always told me that I won't get anywhere in life, that I'm not smart enough, not brave enough, not strong enough. And it hurts. It sticks. Those words, yes are just words, but they hurt like a bitch. But the difference between when they say it now and when they had said it then.....then I was Michaela, shy and easy to walk over. Now, I'm Laela. I know who I am and nobody is going to tell me what I can and can't do.
