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#peace #learning

Life really is strangely complicated and sometimes it takes time to understand what it really means to have your life together in one moment but it’s worth remembering how much of a journey you can take to be happy with yourself and the challenges you have faced.

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Searching for Stability and Positivity #learning

So I know my last post was a bit pessimistic but we all need to vent sometimes. After reading my most previous post, I don't want to judge myself for having a rough time. As a part of DBT therapy it is important to be nonjudgmental. However I am human and I slip up and I think being critical of myself is where the problem lies. As I have said before, I believe this negative internal dialogue comes from my history of trauma and abuse. Now however I have been searching for (and have lost sight of) what I have been searching for. During one of my psychiatrist visits I told him that I felt like the constant changes of #BipolarDisorder were tiring me out. Like there is no middle ground between mood episodes. I've done a lot of reading on Bipolar Disorder that I feel kinda like an expert on the topic. Recently someone had commented about mental and emotional burnout and the fact that my inner child feels overstimulated. I couldn't stop reading this comment because it felt like I was becoming burnt out.

I think it's important to find that middle ground. I was put on Vraylar to try and see if that works. To see if that will give me some rest from the near constant mania and depression. I have a lot of coping strategies but when I feel overwhelmed or attacked even, I shut down. I remember my therapist telling me this is the freeze response. It's like a default. When I was experiencing sexual abuse and sexual assault I froze, only able to speak but not move. I suppose that freezing has become my go to response. Not to mention that having #PTSD doesn't help at all. The emotional instability of #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder only makes life harder. I just want to rest and experience emotional stability. Even for a little bit. I know that I can't change what I live with but I can manage my symptoms.

It's just exhausting. Considering that it still irks me that two of the three disorders were caused by the trauma, there's not much I can do besides accept them. Yet I have a long list of things that I have to accept. As far as positives go, I want to get out of this irritated, angry, manic-depressive rut I've been in. So I will try a therapy skill called accumulating positives. Perhaps I should listing them. Sure my mental illnesses make me unique and my history too. Not sure if that's a positive though. Sometimes it seems like all the medications and therapy can't stop my problems but I also know that part of it is on me. So I will try to practice my spirituality, eat healthier, get more sleep and stick to my treatment plan to name a few.

Has anyone been on Vraylar? What has it done for you? How can I accumulate positives without my mental illnesses getting in the way? I also wanted to thank everyone that reads and responds to my posts. I appreciate it and look forwards to reading your comments. So stay strong friends. I believe in you. Stay safe as always.


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Easter Chick in shell

I have been teaching myself to crochet and here are my makes so far ....
#crochet #Metal health #Hypertension #learning disabilities

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Hello, one of my goals in life has been to be a fluent quadralingual! My languages are in order: Dutch, English, Spanish and American Sign Language (ASL). In order to become a fluent quadralingual I am reading some of my favorite books side by side with the English version in Spanish and Dutch! #CheerMeOn #MightyTogether #challenges #growth #learning


What have I learned after being abused? #Trauma

Life has taught me a lot of cruel lessons.

I learned that the people you don't expect to hurt you, can hurt you.

That I am not to blame for what was done to me- and that shame can and does resurface.

That I have no control over others, only myself. And this lack of control over others brings up hard feelings.

That I can live a healthy, happy life but somewhere inside me will always be a slightly wounded child.

That no amount of dwelling on the past will change the past. And that I don't know what the future holds.

That I can heal but the memories will always be there.

That the triggers will always be there but they don't have to disable me.

That I can be and am loved despite what happened. I am not damaged, dirty or abnormal.

I can smile and keep going, even with tears in my eyes.

I can cry it out then move on because I am stronger and more determined than I thought.

Though I've learned a lot of harsh lessons, I've learned lessons on love too.

Keep searching and learning and love will find you too.

#PTSD #Childhoodtrauma #Abuse #AbuseSurvivors #SexualAbuse #SexualAssault #Love #learning #Healing



Each day is a new opportunity to learn about yourself.

Today I learned that my Disorganized/Fearful attachment style and my people pleasing are connected. That my trauma driven behaviors are actually the result of my attachment style.

If you are curious and want to know what your style is, there are tons of quizzes online.

I suggest taking one. It changed my perspective and helped me to understand what I need to change. I need to be more trusting and more mindful in my relationships.

Slowly, I am learning what drives my behaviors and the more I know the more I can heal.

#Trauma #PTSD #Abuse #AbuseSurvivors #suicideattemptsurvivor #selfharmsurvivor #Healing #learning #attachment


× " So I Trained More Today Yaay! " × #AnUpdate

× " So I Did The Cash Register Again All Day... And This Time We Are Currently [ Cash Only ]. The Computer System's Are Acting Up... Alot.. And I Asked My Boss If She Knew About Me Doing The Cash Registration... She Said Yes So Thank The God's... ☆ And I Wanted To Work Late Today To Learn More Knowledge... I Did The Front-Line × Grill Station's... I'm Going To Ask My Boss If I Can Be Trained On The Front-Line × Grill Station's 1st ... Because The Registration Is Alot To Learn And Process... Because Of My #learning Disabilitie's... ♧ I'm Soo EXHAUSTED 😩 And Sleepy... " × #movingup #AnUpdate ☆ S. K. ☆

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Happy National ASL Day!

Today is National ASL Day! 🤟🏻🤟🏼🤟🏽🤟🏾🤟🏿

Did you know that the American School for the Deaf opened in Hartford, Connecticut on April 15, 1817?

“There, teachers and students worked together and, by intermingling Native American Signs, French Sign Language, and even Martha’s Vineyard Sign Language, American Sign Language (ASL) was born.”

National ASL Day is celebrated every year on April 15. This day celebrates and honors American Sign Language. ASL serves as the main sign language of Deaf groups in the United States.

Growing up hearing impaired, I learned some sign language from a good friend of mine who is deaf. She and her family and friends taught me many things that I utilized and was greatly helpful. A few years ago, my grandmother lived in a building for deaf and blind seniors, I had the wonderful opportunity of communicating with them through ASL and connecting with them on a personal level due to my own circumstances of being hearing impaired and legally blind. Last year, I took some online/remote classes through the Helen Keller National Center and one of them was for communications, where I expanded my knowledge of sign language and learned more. I even got to learn about haptic signs and tactile sign language which I would greatly benefit from due to my blindness. I am so grateful for all the people I have learned more from and am so excited to teach others about ASL!

This day is a great opportunity to celebrate and learn more about sign language.

Do you or someone you know uses sign language? Ask them to teach you some words and phrases. You never know when it may be useful!

Image Description: A light blue background with National American Sign Language Day April 15 in white font. On the bottom left corner of the image in a large white circle is a cartoon hand doing a sign for I love you.

#ASL #ASLDay #AmericanSignLanguage #NationalASLDay #NationalASLDay2022 #NationalAmericanSignLanguageDay #Inclusion #inclusionmatters #Accessibility #Language #Awareness #Deaf #DeafBlind #HearingLoss #HearingImpaired #Communication #Celebration #AmericanSchoolForTheDeaf #DeafCommunity #Opportunity #Love #people #communications #Students #Student #learning #AccessibilityForAll #AccessibilityMatters #Inclusivity #Inclusive #DeafCommunity #DeafAwareness #SignLanguage

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