movingforward

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    Hi. I just joined. I have a lot going on in my life and I just can’t talk with people in my circle. I heard about this site and figured I would give it a try. Glad to be here. #Grief #grieving #standingstill #movingforward

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    July 8th..

    <p>July 8th..</p>
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    Well…

    I ended up getting the apology from my mom’s husband for being exposed to his addiction among other things, and with all honesty, it didn’t hit me in a way that I thought it would. I had been wanting this for so long, and now that I got it, I’m unfazed by it. Perhaps it might be because I had gotten help to navigate through the past. Maybe it might be the fact that I was looking for that to be the thing to give me some form of freedom… but I already had that the whole time. I didn’t need his acknowledgment in the end because so much has happened and I’ve gotten this far without it. It’s a weird thing, really. I should be happy, but my inner self is really saying,” What am I supposed to do with this?” Not in an angry way, but because I’m confused. #MentalHealth #Depression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #movingforward #whatdoidonow

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    Journal Entry - Hoping For A Brighter Future & Scared Of Change

    <p>Journal Entry - Hoping For A Brighter Future & Scared Of Change</p>
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    Finding Joy

    <p>Finding Joy</p>
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    Acceptance of your Whole Self 🌺

    <p>Acceptance of your Whole Self 🌺</p>
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    Up to this point…

    For the last few years, I’ve been grappling with the issue of wanting acknowledgment from my mom’s husband. I’ve had the hardest time not going back to an “empty well” (so to speak) when it comes to this. I even struggle with that when it comes to her. But as of the last few months, in and out of therapy, I’ve been able to get a hold of myself. I had to be very honest with every aspect of myself. From my younger self to my adult self. And the truth is this: I don’t love my step parent and I never did. I went along with all the family stuff because I felt that that was what I was supposed to do. I didn’t talk about my family to anyone in detail because it made me angry. I kept quiet because I was on survival mode both when things were bad and when things were stable. I allowed this “perfect family “ image to last so long because I didn’t want to rock the boat. On top of all of this, I did what I did to keep my mom happy. I had no real identity. I felt restricted, I didn’t even want to invite my friends over (I didn’t really have that option either). After realizing that he is a narcissist, it explained a lot, but it didn’t take away the hurt and frustration. I’ve had three major deaths in my family and he didn’t say a word to me (and we live in the same apartment). In some articles I’ve read about narcissistic step parents, they’ve said that we should show compassion towards them even though they don’t show that they care about us. The truth is, the compassion is no longer in me. I’ve gotten to the point where if I ever got anything out of him, I would no longer want it. I waited this long for some form of a fatherly gesture and I think I can go on without it (from him). I’ve had many stand in male figures in my life that were positive and I welcome those relationships. I’m just over faking it to the rest of the world. #MentalHealth #Depression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #NarcissisticPersonalityDisorder #stepparent #movingforward #Grief

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    LKR

    Moving On

    <p>Moving On</p>
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    2am mind floss

    <p>2am mind floss</p>
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    I feel so stupid and so ridiculous. *forehead smack* 🤦

    <p>I feel so stupid and so ridiculous. *forehead smack* 🤦</p>
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