hatingmyself

I have trauma bonds. They make me feel like I have to stay in relationships that are unhealthy. They make me feel I have to prove myself or that I care even though the relationship has proven sick. Even though I have ended a relationship, it never.fucking.ends. Because it’s my fault. And I have to make it better. I have to prove something. It becomes more sick. I get more sick. And once where I was an advocate for myself I now become the sickest and become resentful, manipulative, dramatic. What do I do???
#CPTSDinrelationships #CPTSD #traumabonding #HelpMePlease #hatingmyself #RuiningEverything

Im new to this and thought I'd share why I'm here... I haven't been to work in weeks after everything just piled on top of me, I felt so stressed I had chronic pain in my shoulder that felt like a trapped nerve, so i took some time off, agreed to go back on a phased return after a week and a half, i did one day and haven't been back for the last 2 weeks and iv felt suicidal the last 3 weeks. I feel really anxious and paralysed, this pain is affecting my entire life, im losing myself, im losing friends and family, I feel like iv already lost my partner from pushing him away. I feel like I dont want to go back to work now or ever, I dont want to work at all anymore, but I dont want to do anything else to earn money either and I constantly think I should want to work and feel like I shouldn't be alive if I dont work. I just want to stop existing altogether... I know these feelings will pass, they have before, I also know they will come back again whenever I get settled in a new job.
#CheckInWithMe #Depression #Anxiety #Stress #Workplace #hatingmyself #fearofliving