Headache

Three weeks ago today, I was involved in a traumatic, life-or-death car crash on the freeway. I was lost in thought, on my way to a doctor's appointment for an eating disorder that had, up until the crash, consumed my life. While I was ruminating in my mind, I didn't notice that I was too close to the car ahead of me. I was not speeding or anything. I breaked fast, and when I did, I lost control of the car. The car started to spin out of control. I panicked and started to cry out, then I lost consciousness. I fainted. And when I fainted, my car spun and spun and spun out of control, on the busy interstate highway at 3ish pm. As I was spinning, I was T-boned by a truck, and then hit the side rail of the freeway. I broke my hip, my sacrum, and a small bone in my pelvis. I have no recollection of the crash itself. When the EMTs and firefighters came to get me, I had no idea why I was in the road. I didn't remember anything. I looked at myself in the mirror and had blood on my face, a chipped tooth, and a headache from the whiplash. My leg hurt as if I had sat on it for hours.

EMS picked me up and took me to the hospital, where I had surgery. I was discharged a few days later, and then a deep darkness hurt me. All the mental health struggles I had struggled with before came alive to hurt me. The OCD, guilt and shame, grief, depression, and everything else. I cried day in and day out. I never got to somatically process the trauma I had faced while I was in the hospital, but when I was at home and felt safe, I could release it. I had nightmares and panic. But I've been leaning on God each day, and I know He's my only lifeline. God has worked miracles in my life, both in my body but also in my heart and soul. Each day I get better. efore the accident, I hated my body, ate a very little amount of calories, and wanted to die a lot. Now, I treat my body with kindness, respect, and honor. I've been through so much, both through this accident but all the trauma from abuse and violence. I'm a survivor. God has forgiven me, and is restoring me day by day. For the first time in so many years, I eat an appropriate amount of food. I eat a healthy diet that will strengthen my bones and my soul. I eat when I'm hungry and stop when I'm full. I eat what I want, when I want and need to. I'm committed to practicing love for my body. When I have anxious or distressing thoughts, I give them to God.

In about eight weeks, I'll be able to put weight down on my leg, but for now I use a walker/wheelchair to help me get around.

I still exercise (for health) on my chair as best as I can, and I'm so grateful because I found a fun and engaging YouTube channel that helps me with chair exercises. He's even a fellow Christian, too! I found a good therapist online, and I started an online eating disorder treatment program, called Equip.

I feel like my bone will heal in no time, and my soul is healing day by day. I'll come out of this with a whole new love and appreciation for myself, plus a total healing of the mental illnesses that I've struggled with for most of my life. It's not always easy: I still get crying spells and anxiety, and nightmares, and I sometimes fight my body and feel deeply insecure. But each day I'm trying my best. That's all we can do, right?

#MentalHealth
#AnorexiaNervosa
#Anxiety
#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder
#Depression
#EatingDisorders
#Grief
#MajorDepressiveDisorder
#ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder
#PTSD
#Trauma
#MightyTogether
#CheckInWithMe

#ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder

I stayed at a hotel this weekend - the first time in a year. The trip was pleasant thus far and I was looking to a fun day ahead but before I could enjoy anything planned I had to overcome a substantial hurdle - the hotel checkout...

For the typical person the hotel checkout is a nuisance but something completed in a brief amount of time with little stress. However for a person with OCD who has obsessions and compulsions regarding checking - this process is a stress inducing headache. Add in the time pressure of a fixed morning checkout time and you have created an adrenaline filled roller coaster of a situation.

So how did I handle it this time - by breaking things down into small parts. I had my husband provide me with 10 minute updates so I didn't lose time. I started with one room at a time, I cleared out that room and checked it off as completed - once the room was completed i couldn't check it again. I repeated the process with the drawers and closet.

Finally I had everything down to our luggage, toiletries and my phone. After two mental checks of items I walked out the hotel room with my husband. It wasn't perfectly executed and we were a little late for checkout but it all worked out and I felt a sense of victory that I didnt allow my OCD to keep me from having a wonderful weekend

Dear friends,

I hope this message finds you well. I want to share something personal: I've been experiencing symptoms of depression. It's been challenging to concentrate, and I often find myself overwhelmed by intrusive thoughts. Managing my mental state has become increasingly difficult.

I'm reaching out because I recognize the importance of seeking support. If you have any advice, resources, or can lend a listening ear, I would deeply appreciate it.

Thank you for your understanding and kindness.

Warm regards,
Borel junior

#Depression #Headache #Selfharm #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Migraine

I'm curious about how long people's pre and post migraine phases last. I feel like mine are pretty long, but maybe it's normal for them to last 2-4 days on either end. The result is that I basically always feel rough even if I don't have an active headache. What are your experiences with the cycle of a migraine?

#Migraine

I said I had a headache. Every day. A daily headache. The cadence was correct, but the rest wasn’t. “Headache” made me sound functional. Like someone you could offer Advil to.

The problem was language itself.

The original sin was the brain injury. But then the problem became language. My brain wasn’t working the same way, and the part that explains things was also damaged.

Language for pain has always failed. It’s a white whale. I had inadequacy stacked on inadequacy. So I made up a word: headpain. Not headache. Not trauma. Not static terms. Just: headpain. A hum, a throb, a shutdown. An endless, structureless dissonance.

It felt like being full of noise. Not sound—noise. Hissing, screeching neurons glitching out. Fridge motors triggered flinches like firecrackers. Sometimes I felt underwater. Other times, jagged sparks of sensation.

I used to live in language. English major. Linguistics grad school. Former CMO. I wrote thought leadership. I made things mean things. I was proud of that.

Then suddenly, everything meant nothing. I lost words mid-sentence. I couldn’t hold thoughts in my head. The worst part: I remembered what it used to be like.

I had watched my father, late in Alzheimer’s, struggle for words. I saw his frustration. I felt it later in myself.

Except I passed. I could still say “I’m fine.” I could still mask. I wore dark glasses indoors. No one expected much. There was grace. I gave myself none.

That’s the noise: not volume but distortion. Misfires. Glitches. Knowing what you want to say and losing it in transit. The panic of not being able to speak what you feel.

Pain language is useless: sharp, dull, throbbing, stabbing. None of it fit. I was trying to explain a full-body system crash with a box of crayons.

So I used stand-ins: “headache.” “tired.” “overstimulated.” They weren’t true. Just shapes.

People took me literally. Thought I meant what those words usually mean. They didn’t know I was walking around inside a howling, flickering error code. And I didn’t know how to tell them.

Because the words didn’t exist. And even if they had, I wasn’t sure anyone would believe me.

That’s the cruelty of brain injury: it messes not just with what you know, but with how you know. And how you say what you know.

The world saw me as competent. I could still string a sentence. I still sounded “fine.” I wasn’t. I was glitching.

So I wrote. Alone, in a dark office, with a desk lamp and a half bottle of Albariño. I started, not for clarity or for an audience, but to tell myself: I’m still here.

The noise didn’t stop. It hasn’t. But writing gave it shape. Shape is salvation. It has edges. It takes up space in the world.

I couldn’t silence the noise. But I could name it. And in naming it, I made space for others to hear the truth buried inside.#TraumaticBrainInjury #ChronicIllness

Two things: From about 1999-2015, I experienced 2-4 debilitating migraines a week. Stress was rampant in my life then: a hateful ex, money issues, workplace animosity, kids, and, and..and... You get the picture. Life did settle down, stressor went away and so did migraines.

Fast forward to present day and the stressors have gone back up: more money issues, caregiver stress, house projects, PTSD triggers, and more. Since fall,I've been having what I call regular headaches--tylenol would keep them at bay. Well, this week, I developed intense eye pressure, visual disturbances, nausea, and headache that woke me up. So the optometrist tells me that it's not glaucoma or anything 'major'. It's dry eye, and it was feeding the headache, which made the dry eye worse, which fed the headache. Interesting part is that the form of my migraine changed, which is why I didn't recognize it as such.

Questions:
1. Has anyone ever had a break from migraine and then had them resume?
2. Has the form/type of your migraine ever changed?

I'm feeling so down. More than usual. My heart hurts. I just feel like I'm losing traction with my health. I'm trying to do the right thing , go to appointments, establish specialists, coordinate care between them. But I'm losing hope. I'm not making any progress. The symptoms are really bothering me. But my neuro-ophthalmologist made it clear he doesn't Rx numbing eye drops. And the headache specialist Rx don't seem to be helping. And OMG my back pain is at 8 right now. The pain meds aren't working. One good thing is I am getting a walker with a seat next week. I'll be able to walk and rest when I need to.

#BackPain #Migraine #Depression