Avoidant Personality Disorder

I am struggling today.
One of my main triggers and hurters, my dad, had a long "talk" with me - more like a one-sided sh*t storm towards me.
And I froze and fawned.
I did manage however to get some arguments in to try to defend myself being attacked by him verbally and emotionally.
But I was shot down.
Now I am left shattered, yet again, and caught in emotional turmoil.
He will never understand where I am coming from or what I go through on a daily basis just to survive.
He doesn't want to. And that hurts.
I am going to need some serious internal boundaries to help me when I have to spend time with him.
Now I am going to spend time and energy I don't have on healing myself yet again.
And I want to show myself so much grace and compassion in the process.
I wish for you in your coming week, that you may be kind to yourself.
We do so much.
We deserve it.
Much support to my fellow mighties💐
#MightyTogether
#Support
#MentalHealth
#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder
#AvoidantPersonalityDisorder
#Depression
#Anxiety
#Burnout
#HighlysensitivePerson

Still keeping my photo diary.
Really can't imagine not keeping it.
I need it to capture good times, beauty, hygge, gratitude, memories.
To create some much need balance between the good and not so good.
And if you're wondering why there's a picture of the inside of my kitchen cabinet.
Asked my youngest to take the groceries into the kitchen.
But he didn't just take them in.
He did his best to put everything away.
So proud he thought of that.
And it was so nice to come home to.
#photodiary
#Photo
#MightyTogether
#Support
#MentalHealth
#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder
#AvoidantPersonalityDisorder
#Depression
#Anxiety
#Burnout
#HighlysensitivePerson

It's Friday!
And December first.
We made it through the week.
And we made it through November.
Do you want to take a moment and think of a win?
It can be from this week, November, or whenever.
I am so very proud of you!
You deserve recognition and praise for showing up and doing you very best.
I see you giving it your all - however thar may look any given day.
And I am so thankful for being part of this community.
It is helping and supporting me so much.
As always; I'll get us started with the wins in the comments🥳🎉
#MightyTogether
#Support
#MentalHealth
#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder
#AvoidantPersonalityDisorder
#Depression
#Anxiety
#Burnout
#HighlysensitivePerson
(Picture from Google)

I am working very hard and diligently at coping with my new weekly schedule and routine.
And I have made a weekly layout in my bullet journal to get an overview.
That really helped a lot.
It's so important to remember what helps you.
And use it when you need.
Which is easier said than done a lot of times...
I also wrote down the ways I would like to cope with my week to remind me.
Like remembering:
- I am a superhero for doing what do
- to show myself grace
- my attitude (instead of dread and expecting the week to be horrible and straining to expecting it to go well and be good)
- I am doing so good
- I have saved me before and I'll do it again.
And then I read this somewhere.
I can't remember where, I'm afraid.
But it made me feel so much comfort.
And hope.
And of course I wanted to share with you.
So I made a little graphic.
You're all working so hard and doing your best.
Wishing you the everything good💐
#MightyTogether
#Support
#MentalHealth
#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder
#AvoidantPersonalityDisorder
#Depression
#Anxiety
#Burnout
#HighlysensitivePerson

After therapy yesterday, I've been thinking a lot about this.
We have all learned patterns, habits, coping strategies to survive.
At some point the helped us achieve something we needed.
But many we outgrow.
Many no longer serve us.
Some are even damaging and toxic.
It's not as easy as simply "Heal and shift" as the quote says...
But that is the goal.
And I just wanted to share with you mighties.
We don't simply wake up with bad habits one day.
Some have been a lifetime in the making.
All were needed at some point.
But if there not needed anymore we CAN change them.
Surely and slowly we can change them.
I am working on several.
And even though I am not HEALED.
I am HEALING.
And I am already reaping the small rewards of my hard and diligent work.
Like in those moments where I catch myself being mean to myself, stop up, and send myself a kind thought instead.
That's healing an old survival strategy.
And thankfully you don't have to be "all healed" to enjoy the benefits of healing.
Sending much support to all of you brave and inspiring mighties.
#MightyTogether
#Support
#MentalHealth
#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder
#AvoidantPersonalityDisorder
#Depression
#Anxiety
#Burnout
#HighlysensitivePerson
(Photo from Pinterest)

So yesterday I shared in group.
I shared about feeling:
- wrong for not coping well with changes in my fragile routine
- like a failure for having the strong reactions I am having to change
- worried for my future; if I can't handle something as "small" as this, how am I ever going to work again?
And I am so thankful I did.
Because they inspired, supported and lifted me.
These are NOT small changes for people like us.
This is a major disruption to my necessary routine.
And I am waaay to hard on myself.
I cut myself no slack.
I am doing so much and so good under very, very difficult circumstances.
One even said: "You're a superhero!".
And that really touched my heart.
I wrote that in my journal.
And I wanted to share this The Latest Kate (love her!) quote with you all.
You're doing SO GREAT!!!
I see you showing up day after day, giving it your best.
You deserve so much credit.
#MightyTogether
#Support
#MentalHealth
#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder
#AvoidantPersonalityDisorder
#Depression
#Anxiety
#Burnout
#HighlysensitivePerson
(Picture from Pinterest)

Another challenging week ahead.
But I'm trying to work on my attitude towards me new busy weeks.
So I don't feel rushed, drained and negative in advance.
Because when I do, it makes me feel wrong.
And have noticed a pattern: when I am stressed, I become drained.
And when I'm drained, it's harder to fight the negative thoughts and feelings my depression, anxiety and PD's give me.
This is only natural.
And I am now working on accepting my reactions.
Showing myself grace and compassion.
All of this takes strength.
Good thing there are so many different kinds.
Bet there are so many more than on this picture.
Any forms of strength that resonate more with you?
I wish you the best week possible.
With the forms of strength, you need the most💕
#MightyTogether
#Support
#MentalHealth
#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder
#AvoidantPersonalityDisorder
#Depression
#Anxiety
#Burnout
#HighlysensitivePerson
(Picture from Pinterest:)

Pictures from this week's photo diary.
It was a tough week...
But I still captured beauty, gratitude and hygge in my photo diary.
And it helps me keep going.
#phototherapy
#photodiary
#MightyTogether
#Support
#MentalHealth
#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder
#AvoidantPersonalityDisorder
#Depression
#Anxiety
#Burnout
#HighlysensitivePerson

We did it!
Another week in the bag.
However you got through; you got through.
And good for you!!
I see you all doing your best and trying your hardest - However that may look on any given day.
I am proud of you.
I hope you're proud of yourself too.
We, mighties, face many battles and struggles most people don't understand and never will.
But we get it.
So let's celebrate another week.
You can celebrate yourself by sharing a win in the comments.
I'll start:)
#MightyTogether
#Support
#MentalHealth
#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder
#AvoidantPersonalityDisorder
#Depression
#Anxiety
#Burnout
#HighlysensitivePerson
(Picture from Google)

Wanted to share this with all of you people pleasers out there.
Just so you know: I am one of you🙋‍♀️
And I've seen so many of you writing comments about people pleasing.
Maybe you would benefit from this perspective too?
I know I did.
It transformed people pleasing for me.
From a personal fault or something that was wrong with me.
And "why can't I just stop doing it"!
To a possible trauma response and self protection.
It makes so much sense to me to view it like this.
And it actually becomes a coping strategy that has helped you avoid pain etc.
It makes more sense.
#peoplepleasing
#MightyTogether
#Support
#MentalHealth
#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder
#AvoidantPersonalityDisorder
#Depression
#Anxiety
#Burnout
#HighlysensitivePerson