Hidden

First of all, the title would seem odd to most of the people (except us who have been in this road for a long journey 🍁) cause the question would arise how can beauty and depression go hand in hand cause depression is always crowned as the cruelest thorn of beauty which can only destroy the beauty.. With that there is that strong belief amidst people that beauty in depression that can never be possible.. Well, what if I say that it contains a very prominent beauty within it... Sounds funny right???... Well, it’s not.. And, that's the beauty of depression and it's only the beginning.. Let's get into it and remember once you are in, it's goona be a long journey... When you will first enter into the world of depression, you will find it as the worst thing happened in your entire lifetime making you vulnerable in the best way it could and making you go through such degrading situations something you have never ever faced in your life and it's a nightmare something you would never even want to happen with your worst enemy.. Yeah, making you hate your life, making you lose interest from all the things you used to love one time, more specifically making you lose interest from your own life... Crazy right.... Well, it is.. Not to mention, making you suicidal and give on your life cause you will find too overwhelming to manage yourself.. Self -hatred, self blame and self harm and many more... The list just goes on.. Well, I can say all these cause I am a person who has been in this sector.. Yeah... Experienced not really cause you can just never be too experienced cause the riddle of depression is crazy making you go through new experiences everytime.. And, you can just never be ready.. Well, now you will ask all you are saying are the negatives.. Then, where is the beauty part.... Well, do remember the night is always the darkest before the dawn.. Isn’t it.. So, let me take you to a new world of depression.. Let's get started.. So, after a while in depression, you wouod suddenly realise how much you are struggling.. How much in pain you are.. You are trying to kill yourself for something you aren’t even responsible for.. You are just a victim but not the culprit the thing the whole world would make you feel and I also felt the same.. The self harm you are doing is also nothing just you are hurting yourself.. Slowly amd slowly, you start to feel that you are doing injustice towards yourself and suddenly you are finding yourself being protective of yourself and an intense love towards your inner self something that was never there before... You find defending yourself in those situations where you just used to break down and try to harm yourslef taking all the blames.. You are being cautious about yourself.. You find yourself pampering yourself.. Taking care and all.. Realising how much you have been gone through, you find yourself feel you deserve everything cause how strong you have been to fight against those random suicidal thoughts and attempts... You just didn’t commit suicide.. You learned to live... Live in a completely different way with full of love, confidence and a life with no insecurities.. You have learned to live a life where you aren’t into any insecurities, you love to help others, you know the value of life... You have learned to not to give up on your dreams and you have decided no matter what you are on your way cause you believe that it can't just take your right to live, to dream and all.. You know you aren’t able to, still you are not giving up.. You know you aren’t able to study when everyone is telling you to do, still you are carrying your books with yourself even you know you may not able to do but you are still doing it with the little bit of hope in your heart that you will be able to ✨... At the same time, you are being considerate to yourself making yoirself the first priority above anything or any judgements.. You find yourself not caring for all those things once you used to... You are getting brave, confident and lively though you are carrying a broken heart.. You are making people wonder how the changes you have brought to yourself.. You get genuinely happy seeing others happy when there was a time you even used to jealous to yourself for being happy... You are slowly realising how much pain you have given yourself.. You learned to love yourself something you didn’t do before.. Though you felt you did but you didn’t... Depression made you fall in love with yourself with a deep meaning... Now, do I need to say more about the beauty... Well, depression is like the tragedy which seems so pathetic and painful but at the end, you realise how meaningful it is giving you a new magic in your past so called perfect life 🥀..... #Depression #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Hidden beauty of depression 🥀.....

Don’t tell me you know me

Because you don’t

All you know are smiles and “im okays”

You have no idea of the pain underneath

You have no idea of the battle im constantly fighting

You don't know how I struggle just to get out of bed

You don't know about the scars on my arm and thighs

I keep them covered just like everything else

You don't know about me power crying in the shower

Trusting the water to keep my secret

You don't know about me starving myself

Becouse im scared of getting fat

You don’t know about me planning my own death

Because i don't want to be alive anymore

You don't know me.

I keep myself locked up

Shove myself in the back of my closet

Leave myself hollow

I don’t trust people with my secrets

Afraid of getting hurt

I isolate myself

I don’t let myself get close to anybody

That way nobody can break me.

I'm living my own private existence

One filled with agony and trapped anger

And you say you know me.

I think it’s time to try and get help again. My pills are running low in supply with no refills. Why do I have such a hard time calling doctors? I found a facility that seems really promising! Psychiatrist and therapist in the same building, close to home, accepts my insurance. And yet I STILL haven’t called to make an appt. I’m tired of running around, trying new pills, getting the ever ending list of emergency help lines, the weird doctor stare and silence look. I feel like I’m going into my manic phase again so maybe it’ll give me the boosted energy to actually call them and make an appt. I’m a little too afraid to just sit in my head much longer. Give me some inspiration and reassurance that I can call them. Please.