DID

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Yikes…

(TW for talks of CSA and abuse, nothing detailed at all)

There is a user on here that decided to message me. They asked if I wanted to be friends and I said I don’t trust strangers well because I’ve been hurt in the past. They said “oh, well that’s the past, you can forget that and move on.” Yeah sure. Forget the years of sexual abuse I endured at the hands of several men. Right. Anyway, he also asked where I lived and if I was male or female. I told him very broadly that I live in the US, and that my gender was not his business. He said that since he has his picture in his profile and he is open about being male, I should be open about who I am. Hmm. No!

Anyway, it culminated in me saying that if he actually read anything I posted he’d know my gender and then he promptly said “I know you’re a man.” And blocked us. LOL yikes. Firstly, no, I am not a man. I am a non-binary DID system. I have several male alters, but that doesn’t mean I am male. I also have several female alters, a genderfluid alter, non-binary alters, and alters whose genders aren’t important to them. How interesting that this man (who is pretty clearly impersonating an actor) is suddenly freaked out and blocks me when he thinks I am male.

Not the first time this has happened, on my first day here I was messaged by a man who promptly blocked me after finding out I was not a minor.

Stay safe out there, everyone. Seriously. Just because this is an app for support in disabilities does not mean bad people aren’t on it. People with disabilities are often targeted purposely because they are considered easy to manipulate and control. Be careful! If you are a minor, I don’t suggest advertising it. If you are female, be aware. I was manipulated at a teen age by an older man online and I didn’t realize how bad it could have ended up at the time. I was lucky I decided to nope out pretty early on, but it could have gotten very bad.

Be well, everyone. Remember internet safety!

-Jules
#Trauma #Childhoodtrauma #grooming #DID #DissociativeIdentityDisorder

15 people are talking about this
Community Voices

I was told I have this-DID- now what?

I was told i have this because I told my psychiatrist I used to go to, that i compartmentalize to cope with things.putting reactions and thoughts into mind moxes and stack em in my head but I was having trouble keeping them locked up.. I didn't know what #DID was.. thought she was crazy when she said old term was multiple personality disorder, but more I thought about it and my life I'm 52yrs old, there were ppl in my life who told me I said or blew up at them and I never remembered saying the things they said i did, because all but 1 was abusive 1 way or another i always chalked it up to them trying to screw with my head and manipulate me, now I wonder if I do this and someone or some aspect of my personality comes out unconsciously and I have no awareness of it, and it's scarey. I don't really know what to do with this information and of course i boxes it up and put it in my brain to deal with later but it keeps coming to surface me thinking about it. Any thoughts or ideas? Counseling never worked for bipolar depression and anxiety so talk therapy scares me and i can't afford to waste money on that now. ##DID MULTIPLE-PERSONALITY? #just .PLAIN.OLD.CRAZY?

2 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Surviving a Wedding with Dissociative Identity Disorder

Contrary to the title of the post, the wedding was fantastic, and we did much more than just survive it–we loved it and had a great time. However, the weeks leading up to the wedding were tense, both in terms of planning for the wedding itself and planning how our DID system would handle the wedding event.

Hello, I am Jules, and I am the host of a DID system known as Many But One on many forms of social media. The DID system I am a part of has around 20-25+ members—I say an estimate because things change, parts split and fuse or go dormant, so it’s hard to keep track of an exact number, not to mention I am fully aware that there are many more alters that I have not been allowed to meet yet, as per our gatekeeper’s request. (The gatekeeper of the system acts as a “leader” of sorts and is usually aware of all alters in the system and works to keep alters that are not ready to be “out” away from others.)

To begin, three of us were dating our fiance. Me (Jules, host), James (the gatekeeper), and Foster (a co-host and protector). We all have an established relationship with our wife and were all on board with getting married to her. There are several other adults in the system, most of which are not with my wife because 1) they are not attracted to women, 2) they think of her more as a friend, or 3) they are not ready for a relationship or have no desire for a relationship.

From the beginning, the three of us knew we all wanted to be a part of the wedding in some way. We had been working on co-consciousness (often shortened to co-con, which means having more than one alter in control of the body) and communication between the three of us. Out of everyone in the system, we have the best communication and all get along very well for the most part. With our therapist we came up with a tentative plan of action for our wedding day. James or I would handle the ceremony while Foster handled picture-taking and the receiving line, as well as any social interaction. Foster is highly social, doesn’t care about getting his picture taken, and doesn’t care about people touching him when he is aware of their intentions. James and I are much more wary on those fronts, so we knew he would thrive in those positions. James and I were also the ones to write the vows, though he did most of it and I edited and trimmed down what he wrote to make sure it wasn’t too long.

Almost a year prior we had come to the conclusion that we would be okay with wearing a wedding dress. I am non-binary and generally prefer androgynous or masculine clothing, James is a cis male and hates femme clothing, and Foster is genderfluid and loves any kind of clothing, especially fancy or statement pieces of clothing. Wedding dresses are the ultimate statement piece, so he was thrilled by me deciding I wanted a dress. James relented, as he knew it would upset us if we didn’t get to wear a wedding dress on the ONE day of our lives we would get to wear one.

On the day before the wedding, I had been trying to practice smooth switching. As in, switching in a way that wasn’t obvious. It was not possible at that time. Positive triggers to get the other two out were not working, and our communication was not great that day. I cannot control switching in the slightest, though I can somewhat coax one to happen on occasion. This usually means we have to have excellent communication and trust with one another. This day was not a good day for practicing switches. I worried very much that I would be stuck doing the whole wedding, doing stuff I really didn’t like such as pictures and hugs. However, come the wedding day, things were flawless. There was very little “lag time” between any switches we went through and we all executed our parts perfectly, with me mostly co-con during the entire wedding. Our officiant was aware of our DID and said some beautiful words regarding it, something that would not be immediately obvious to someone who doesn’t know about the DID, but was clear for us and meant a lot to us. Here it is:

“May you honor the complex dimensions of one another in ways that reflect your commitment to loving and embracing every part of one another, even the parts that might be scary or unrecognized.”

It was a beautiful speech, and our wife and James got to say their vows to each other. It was a beautiful wedding!

For those of you with DID that want to get married or struggle to handle big social gatherings, having a plan is the best thing we could have done for ourselves. Knowing who would tackle what and using each other’s strengths was paramount for our ability to get through a wedding with almost 90 guests in attendance. However, if I can do it, so can you!

-Jules, host of the “Many but One” DID system

--

#DID #DissociativeIdentityDisorder #osdd #osdd1 #DIDSystem #didalters #everydaylife #manybutone #plural #functionalmultiplicity

2 people are talking about this
Community Voices
Community Voices

Divine Interventions

Hey there, my name is Kat, and this is my first post here to this group. I am warmed, and grateful to be here and to you for your time.

I'd like to share with you a recent tale, starting with how it came to be. I have exceedingly strong inclinations toward psychology - specifically Behavioural Biology, as the brain fascinates me. I *am hugely aware, this, like many other topics to me, is initially appealing - if not deeply engrained - due to my desire to ‘know thyself’.

Ive been on a 32 yr roller-coaster of a journey thus far, and said desire is, these past 4yrs by far my strongest. To me it about sourcing ‘mental wellness’. I am 37.

Now for my story - At the begining of the last month, April, I lost my Facebook page of 12yrs due to a momentary lapse of concentration . I adjusted my DOB to represent being under 18 to negate the bullshit ads we are subjected. At 17, I laughed, at 4yrs.. I laughed harder and for a split-second, contemplated leaving it as it has been 4yrs for me post- medical prescription induced suicidal ideation, with somewhat attempts. Suffice it to say, FB disengaged me before I could save my laugh. 12yrs of creativity, growth, networking so on... gone. They gave me 30 days to upload an official Govenment form of ID (licence/ passport - which i refuse to do for the platform.)

Amongest my apparent cognitive cocktail, with adjustment-disorder and identity issues, this has left me feeling lost, along with simultaneously seeing the gift of starting again, refreshing, and facing The Law of Attachment head on.

HOWEVER - In an uncanny plot twist, the day before I lost my lifes-work, I was so inspired by a colmonation of elements, specifically content contained here at 'The Mighty' so created a mental-illness support group on the same platform, named Mental WellnessMojo. A place to rest the ‘i’, and join in ‘we’ literally turning illness to wellness, information over misinformation for Self and others AND where I add the 'Mojo' to illness that I’ve learned in my 32yr journey of Self in the hope to inspire in others a less brutal ride than the one I've pulled my own bootstraps through.

I simply must advocate, I feel it in my Solar Plexus and can no longer ignore my Higher Duty, and you know what? I've not felt more determined or - interestingly enough - in such a loss of physical pain since. My spiritual mentor confidently declaring this is me on my Divine Path - finally.

I’m not good, but I’m ok.

Warm Regards ,

Kat
🌬

#QuestionableDiagnosesInc #BPD #BipolarII #DID #childhoodabusesurvivor #SuicideSurvivor #WellnessWarrior #nonducorduco

21 people are talking about this
Community Voices
Community Voices

#3. The body feels what the mind chooses to ignore. "

I am probably going to get some negative reactions by saying this but if I don't get it out it's going to eat me alive. I'm not judging anyone if the choices benefit them! I am all for others and what works for them.

I struggle to 'embrace the truth.'
I can't be one of those people who, find healing in acceptance. Not yet, anyway. Maybe I'm just not at that stage and I'm jumping the gun.

Something happens whenever I try to come out with what's in my head.
Does anyone else feel like unearthing it makes things worse? I know.
The truth sets people free. But I cant help but think I am the exception.
A part of me wishes I had never remembered what I went through. It's like... The more I try to remember, the worse my condition becomes.
I get really sick. Flu-like sick.
And I struggle to cope with just small day to day tasks, tasks that I know NEED doing. Like feeding my baby and my older children. Doing the laundry. Making food.
But those things become increasingly difficult.
I don't want anyone to know what I'm going through,because it prompts questions. And I'm not ready to give answers. So , I drop off the radar for a few days, and lie to anyone who texts or calls me. I smile for my kids and my husband. And I continue to do what is expected of me.
But inside, it is turmoil.

Everyday is an internal battle with myself, to keep going.
My fear of letting down those around me overrides my fear of falling apart, and so I'm able to keep going, while hiding everything from everyone.
My mind goes into Auto-Pilot, and my body just follows.
Everything I feel, especially the broken pieces, are pushed to the side. I hold my head up. And I "just get the thing done."
It's how I've gotten through all these years. From a child, till now.

It is cynical in some ways.
Sometimes, I think "Someone out there has had it much worse than me. I really don't have anything to complain about. My life has turned out, relatively good."
So I suck it up.
Other times, I think "Holy cow. I am more screwed up than I thought."
Still. None of those thoughts have been enough of a motivation for me to confront the underlying issues.
The reality for me, at the end of the day... Is i HAVE to keep going. I have to.
Falling over and staying on the ground is not an option for me.

It's like, I'm trapped.
I have a choice.
Either, do this for me. And face up to what's happened.
Or, push it back down to where it came from, and continue to function as a normal person.
I don't get to put 'me' first when I have a life that is so busy and so many people rely on me. If I want to function at 100%, I have to keep burying the issue.

That's what stopped my therapy the last time.
I couldn't cope with everything coming up all at once. It was too much, too fast. Maybe I just had the wrong therapist. I didn't quite feel like she was a good fit for me, simply because the coping methods she suggested didn't work and I tried explaining it to her, but she pushed me to keep trying. In the end, I lied to her and told her I was doing them but I wasn't really. It was just to keep her happy.
I left her care not long after.

But it was strange.
I hadn't done much 'talking' with her. But whatever I had done, had some effect cause I had just enough in me to get back on my feet and soldier on for another few years.
I've had a few 'moments' in between and depressive episodes, but nothing as intense.
Until recently.
And the monster has reared its ugly head again.

I know what the triggers are.
And it sucks because I have no control over them, because they aren't things I can avoid.
And so, starts the cycle again.

I really do hope others out there who, might relate in some way, do not do what I do.
My mum told me once to be careful of how much I take on. She said, "Take care of YOU. The body feels what the mind chooses to ignore.
Do not ignore yourself."

Maybe I need to pay more attention to that.

#Abuse
#depressive
#DID
#CPTSD
#Selfcare

4 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Chameleon Effect in BPD

A couple of weeks ago I posted what I thought was a cute question on BPD. It had to do with the chameleon effect in BPD.
For those of us who develope BPD through early life trauma we suffer an identity disfunction. The trauma deeply affects the identity, our ability to regulate and interpret emotions and how we perceive our social interactions. It disrupts the development of who we are by critically damaging our identity and our ability to develope the healthy skills on how we relate to our world.
The chameleon effect is related to our broken identity. Which also causes us to suffer DID. Our identity is badly damaged making the normal growth and sense of self much harder. So we take on other personalities in order to navigate through life. This isn't the usual growth of finding a trait we admire in an other and adapting it to ourselves. We take on parts of other people's personalities when we can't seem to find our own way to being accepted by others. Not just a simple trait. Ive this kind of thing for most of my life. I'm still figuring out to what degree I have been doing this.
But for me the most common occurrence of the chameleon effect is taking on the personality of someone I'm impressed with in books, movies or TV shows. My inner voice and dialog take on the personality of the character I admired. My inner voice takes on the characters voice and my thinking reflects the characters thinking. On occasion I will actually act and talk like them. It is something I cannot help. Actually the acting and talking I can control. It's the inner voice, dialog and thinking that is hard to control.

So many people here post about their BPD. I thought a lot of us would be aware of the chameleon effect.

#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Trauma #Early Childhood Trauma #CPTSD #DissociativeIdentityDisorder #DID

4 people are talking about this
Community Voices

**A side note... To the reader.

I am new to this forum and have never done anything like this before... I still am not 100% sure why I'm even on here inbthe first place.
Because of my anxiety and PTSD, I tend to ramble and sometimes what i say comes as long rambles of thread... Especially when trying to break through and talk about the abuse I find I do this more readily. It comes across as word vomit.

If you are deciding to follow this story... Please be patient with me. Sometimes my mind races ahead without me realizing and I go in circles explaining the same thing. I think a part of me is racing to get it all out of my system before I clam up again and close off. It is a constant internal fight I have to deal with.

I also 'ghost' when I become afraid of what I'm digging up and may go long periods without mentioning it again.
It's a process I'm trying to overcome because it hinders me from really pushing through the barrier and saying what I want to really say.
Even THAT sounds like a ramble

But I really need to do this on my terms.
If anyone is reading this ramble, or reads my life experiences and story... Please excuse the rambling

And constant apologies.
Another flaw of mine. Incessant people pleaser.

#Anxiety
#Depression
#PTSD
#DID

15 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde

I never thought I'd be the type of person who resorted to posting on an online forum about my experiences in my life. I considered myself to be more the type who just read what's happening in everyone else's lives and silently agreed with their feelings and emotions but never really confronted my own.

I am 31 years old.
I have been 'loosely' diagnosed as chronically depressed, and suffer from anxiety, panic attacks and PTSD caused by childhood sexual, physical mental and psychological abuse at the hands of several people.

On the outside, I do not look like I suffer from anything. I look like a normal, bubbly and boisterous mum of 3 who has 'everything figured out' or 'Everything under control.'
I'm the person in the office who 'everyone can count on to get the job done!'
I am 'the backbone of my family.'
I am the 'best friend who always comes through!'
I'am 'the best mum in the world!'
I am 'the most organized little person anyone's ever seen!'

.... I am a high functioning depressive with deeply entrenched suicidal ideation.
I am an ACTOR. A damn good one.

I guess my story begins to unravel here...
I know it's going to take time because every alarm bell in my mind is going off like new years fireworks. Walls going up. Bile rising in my stomach and throat. My own body is literally reacting to me as I type this, just prodding at the secrets I have been holding in for so long.

But ... I only trust telling my story from behind a screen. I long to feel the freedom that others feel by 'coming out' and telling their story for all to see! I long to feel that, but instead I feel disgust. A dark, soul destroying cold creeping through my body.

Maybe one day I'll come out .
But for now, this will have to do.

#SexualAbuse
#Depression
#PTSD
#DID

10 people are talking about this