Join the Conversation on
2.1K people
0 stories
295 posts
  • Explore Our Newsletters
  • What's New in DID
    See full photo

    Childhood fears

    Recently I’ve been having a very hard time staying present. I have struggled with #DissociativeIdentityDisorder for probably a long time but only a few years ago got diagnosed. This past week I haven’t stayed present, I’ve been overwhelmed with flashbacks and images of my childhood, and I have started to feel the same fear I had back then. I’m absolutely terrified to be in reality, and I escaped my abusive home. I escaped my parents choice of raising us but I fear that I held my trauma in for so long that I won’t be able to push past it. I was SA in July of 2021 and working through that is hard but it’s nothing compared to trying to sort out my childhood memories. I use to find dissociating calming, it was my own escape from the world but now it feels frustrating because I just can’t focus. #CPTSD #PTSD #DID #DissociativeDisorder #Anxiety #ChildhoodTraumaSurvivors

    5 reactions 1 comment
    See full photo

    Pain That knows

    #Depression #Anxiety #GenderDysphoria #MentalHealth #transformation #rebirth #Rise

    A long time ago in a far far far far distance from where we are today there was this person who was neither alive more dead. This person never felt the same nave felt included or connected with the people around them. This person would do what is expected and would put on that smile wear that hat 🎩 or that hat 🧢 well maybe that hat 👒 so as to blend or fit in until the time when IT was time to move on and try again. The emotional damage built over time IT really did. So much so that the person #disassociated #DID or as the person who explains #Dis #Divergent #Identity #Spectrum . The person didn’t feel real lived in #Autopilot mode and #DID what was expected of them. #Numbess #hurt #Pain #sorrow #Loneliness #Sadness #abandonment and yes #homelessness .

    #transformation from a spiritual perspective and a physical perspective is a profound experience that changes your perception. When you have read the bible searched through Google and endured countless hours of counseling you realize #It . IT is what IT is isn’t IT. #please choose you. #please choose your present. #please choose your path. When you do not choose #you to be who you are others do.

    #Transition ended the cycle.

    This person sacrificed their life so that a new life could be! Now #free in #2023 this person has hope and a life that is full of love in so many different ways. The love this person has is #Selflove #SelfIdenty #Selfcare and yes #SpiritualLove .

    No longer dose the person stare in the mirror 🪞 trying to see someone else. No now the person sees someone who is actually looking back at them. That person smiles! That person is happy! That person dose what makes them an individual!

    We are all different and we all are special in so many ways so please 🙏 know there are better days!

    #yournotalone #YourWorthy #yourlifematters

    12 reactions 3 comments

    DID and Over Control

    Can you have an alter that has maladaptive levels of over control? I.e. perfectionism, fear of failure, strong need for order, socially disconnected. #DID

    1 reaction 1 comment
    See full photo


    And in my heart I pray

    As the lion meets the lamb

    As my wings torn asunder

    The story began :

    My soul unraveled this blanket of tragic beginnings with never ending stories the day we met, I hushed

    I ceased to exist as the lesions arranged like puzzle pieces upon my flesh detached and numbed

    Mangled and flayed by wolves before you; you paused

    Misunderstood by my actions

    My reactions

    You didn’t grasp

    But I never snapped

    At you

    I prayed

    You waited for the sun to rise in me yet never endured the eclipse that awoke in you

    You run, I chased

    Heart disintegrating, though I knew my place; for the sheep in me trembled before the wolf in you,

    I shake

    I shook like the mountains off the coast of nirvana

    My heart, as unwavering and destructive as the ocean; with the purity to simply engulf in love

    yet is drowned by the force of being pushed under her own waves she once called home;

    those waves now, that which we call a tsunami

    created, not by her but by monsters

    I breathe

    The everlasting, imperishable thoughts of everything

    I can't control

    What is reality and what is fantasy, I ponder

    Aching from the core of my tectonics that collide unless in solitude

    Have I created this or have they surmounted me in their sins? Or was it you, lion?

    Yet, in my heart I pray

    As the lion knows the lamb

    She'll wait to see if you grow

    And if not, I'll move to land

    #Depression #Poetry #heal #Love #Relationships #Fibromyalgia #Trauma #DID


    Thinking About Writing A Biography

    Hello everyone! Jules here from the Many but One system.

    I had a really big moment with my therapist last Wednesday. Something I've actually written an article for The Mighty about but is awaiting approval. It is the topic of shame and overcoming it. In therapy I had a huge realization that for the first time since finding out about our abuse, I do not feel shame for it. I am not ashamed of the trauma, I am not ashamed of the DID, none of it. Our brain did what it did for survival. It was easy to be angry at the brain at first, but then I realized it saved me. It saved US. I am much more thankful and feeling much less shame than before. It has been so, so freeing!

    Something else we spoke about was me wanting to educate people on DID, from the perspective of someone living with it. I want to be able to help people who are early in their diagnosis, people who know people with DID and want to understand them, doctors or therapists that don't know a lot about DID, and people who just plain don't know anything about it other than the problematic stuff Hollywood churns out every once in awhile. I realized doing these things brings me great joy and has also helped me with accepting the disorder as my own. Accepting these experiences as my own. Understanding that the alters or parts of me are not as separate as I thought--they are all ME. We are Many but ONE. Being able to fully accept all parts of me has been huge, and assimilating it under "this stuff happened to me" rather than constantly othering myself from trauma has also been healing. VERY difficult, but really helpful.

    My therapist was absolutely excited that I feel this way. We have a LONG way to go in terms of therapy and healing. Like, so long I really can't see the finish line, but I know that it's there and I'm ready for it. However, being an advocate for people with DID is difficult. Being public about it would likely open us up to a lot of shame and ridicule. Even if we did not speak on our trauma with any detail or substance, our abusers would know we were speaking about them and that worries a lot of us. I want to be able to be open, probably not in a social media way. I don't want to be the next big DID YouTuber, because a lot of folks know how dangerous that road is. However, I am very much wanting to be able to share my experiences and let people know they are not alone. Not to mention break down stigmas for people who don't know a lot about it, so for example, if a manager at a company has an employee with DID, they will at least vaguely understand the situation and what to do for their employee. Or a teacher or professor with a student with DID or literally any other combo of people who may not be educated that desperately should be. A biography has come to mind. However, I am not really sure how that process works. I know for a fact I would have to change names, appearances, locations, everything relating to our abusers because while we do have an open report on them, they could and would sue us for defamation if it could even sort of be found out that they were involved.

    If anyone has written a biography, edited a biography, or knows the process of something like this, that would probably be kind of "memoir-like" and sharing of our experiences as a DID system, I would really appreciate it! I am also going to speak about it much more seriously with my therapist because I am very sure that I want to do this, I just don't know how to go about it. I want to share what DID is the way it ACTUALLY is and not sensationalizing it. While it can be exciting or "weird" at times, the reality is that we're just highly traumatized individuals with pretty mundane lives that are just trying to Get Through It. Of course the biography itself would probably read much more exciting than I'm saying now, as these experiences are not "The Norm" so a lot of non-systems would probably be quite interested in hearing about it, but it's definitely not like Split or Moon Knight, to put it bluntly!

    Any questions, comments, concerns, and advice are greatly appreciated and welcomed.

    Happy healing,

    Jules, host of the "Many but One" system

    #DID #DissociativeIdentityDisorder #CPTSD #PTSD #Childhoodtrauma #biography #writingadvice

    1 comment

    Other terms for “alters”?

    Hi everyone! I’m curious as to what other people with DID like to call their parts or alters. What terms do you like or use? Also, how do you refer to yourself? I like the term “community” to talk about myself instead of “system.” For me, “system” just feels too impersonal. Of course I want to respect everyone’s preferred terms, so I’m curious what others like!? #DID #DissociativeIdentityDisorder

    1 reaction 6 comments

    Ask Me Anything (DID Edition)!

    Hello folks! This is Jules, host of the Many but One DID system. For those that don't know, DID stands for dissociative identity disorder, previously known as MPD (multiple personality disorder.) I have been diagnosed and in therapy for about a year and a half now, with a DID specialist. It's been a real rollercoaster! However, I have a passion for helping people (systems and non-systems included!) understand what it's like to live with DID and that we are NOT what the media makes us out to be. There's loads of misinformation about DID out there, either from uninformed psychiatrists or from DID systems who simply don't do research or don't understand the disorder well enough, and unfortunately, from Hollywood directors looking to make money off of a deeply stigmatized and misunderstood disorder. I'm not saying I am a professional, however, I want to open up a dialogue.

    So please! Ask me anything! Don't worry about offending me or asking something weird or silly! I am open to ALL questions of any manner. I want people to be able to ask questions without fear of ridicule. Questions like these are what help stop misinformation from spreading, and allow us to have a better understanding of DID and its complexity. If you have a partner or child with DID and I don't know how to answer your question, I may source my wife or my parents to give you the answer that would best help you.

    Again, I want to preface, I am NOT a professional, and I will mostly be sharing personal experience or experiences I have heard from other DID/OSDD systems I know. (with nothing identifying them AT ALL.) If I feel your question needs research, I will try to provide sources that I know will help answer your question. I also want to say that my experience is not THE ONLY DID experience, as DID is incredibly diverse in presentation and expression.

    I'd love to hear from you! Peace!


    #MightyTogether #DID #DissociativeIdentityDisorder #PTSD #CPTSD #Childhoodtrauma #Trauma #Depression #Anxiety #MentalHealth #discussion #questions #osdd

    1 reaction 22 comments

    Therapist hurts me #DID #Dissociation #Migraine

    My therapist keeps messing with the schedule and missing my appointments and it’s I’m getting too dissociated and upset and getting terrible feelings and ideation and feeling so hurt. Each time my reaction is worse and I cry harder sleep less , feel more worthless, feel more broken and unable to recover, trust him less, feel tricked he’s doing it on purpose to hurt me.

    I don’t know how to recover from this 3rd time in a month and it is the year anniversary of him unilaterally making a decision with no collaboration reducing my sessions without any discussion and just telling me.

    I’m at the mercy of whatever and it’s not safe anymore but I have no other therapist and he’s been mine for 4.5 years.


    Ketamine … life saver #PTSD #schizoaffective bipolar type #ADHD #DID

    Was super depressed and suicidal, mainly from PTSD stuff. It was attempt suicide, go to hospital or try ketamine. I picked ketamine. It was amazing! I went in thinking it wouldn’t work! Unlike ECT (over 20 treatments) the Ketamine actually helped!! The Crying stopped. Agitation went away. I was excited to do things. I wasn’t sleeping All the time. I did a deep IV treatment. I’ll do another in 2 weeks when I get back from family trip.
    I’ve been battling mental illness since I was 5 years old… I am now 41. Tried over 30 meds. Finally got On clozapine and that saved my life but it can’t make the trauma go away…I take only 4 psych meds daily (when I’m and out of hospitals I was on 7-9!). After 41 hospitalizations, so many years Of treatment and therapies, ketamine has been most helpful.


    Little Things

    As anyone else who lives with DID knows, it comes with an array of challenges. In my case, the library is usually a mess and one of my ghosts (this is just how I've come to conceptualize my system, libraries were a rare safe space as a child) is always distracted or pursuing their own agenda making important life tasks difficult.

    But I wanted to take a moment to share something small that made my day. Sometimes my protector will go overboard when they are driving but sometimes they will surprise us, especially since becoming pregnant. A favorite cereal has been out of stock at our usual grocery stop and like many, we're not huge fans of deviation from routine so it's rare we can work up the nerve to go somewhere else. (And due to major trauma that happened at a grocery store most of us check out when we are there anyway)

    They did the other day though!
    This morning we woke to find two boxes of our favorite in the pantry. They hadn't gone far, just about another mile away to a Walgreens that happened to have it. And yes, losing space and time is never a truly good thing, but it was a lovely surprise.

    With this disorder we have learned to savor small things like that and hope that anyone reading this also has a moment today that makes them happy. #DissociativeIdentityDisorder #DID #littlethings