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I haven’t really sat down and tried to draw anything in years

So I was at 5 below the other day they had sketch pads and colored pencils I figured I’d try and draw again I gave it a few days sat out on the balcony had an IPA smoked a few bowls ( I’m allowed Med Card ) calmed my mind down this was what I was able to create #Hidden talent #When 2 Giants Collide Nobody is safe # pencil therapy #what can you create? #DID this free hand #chew toy art


You Don't Know Me

Don’t tell me you know me

Because you don’t

All you know are smiles and “im okays”

You have no idea of the pain underneath

You have no idea of the battle im constantly fighting

You don't know how I struggle just to get out of bed

You don't know about the scars on my arm and thighs

I keep them covered just like everything else

You don't know about me power crying in the shower

Trusting the water to keep my secret

You don't know about me starving myself

Becouse im scared of getting fat

You don’t know about me planning my own death

Because i don't want to be alive anymore

You don't know me.

I keep myself locked up

Shove myself in the back of my closet

Leave myself hollow

I don’t trust people with my secrets

Afraid of getting hurt

I isolate myself

I don’t let myself get close to anybody

That way nobody can break me.

I'm living my own private existence

One filled with agony and trapped anger

And you say you know me.

#Hidden #Depression #scared

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A flexijob that suits me ! #Autism #Fibromyalgia #Hidden disability

I’ve been working for a company called Newcross Healthcare for 6 months now. I overcome my fear of past problems I’ve had, disclosing my autism, and told them of my condition. I have been treated so well. Maybe it’s because the U.K. disability care home system is so amazingly considerate and accepting to its customers nowadays.

I dunno but I love it here. I’m allowed to pick up as many or as few shifts as I like, which is great for the fibromyalgia. I can even travel to different parts of the country and work.

The only problem I’ve had was with my hip pain I found it hard to work in the larger care homes. I’m now in the small homes which is less physically tiring. Less time on your feet. Everyone was so sweet about what I can and what I can’t do.

The work is varied enough that I don’t have to build up relationships with NT’s. And, of course, I can be really natural with all the spectrum, downs, ms folk I care for. I was a bit apprehensive with a violent customer the other day. I thought I might be triggered but I breezed through the day and managed to calm him with positive intervention. He was really lovely to us in the end and even began settling down and drawing later in the week. It’s such a satisfying job.

The regular staff are happy for me to take customers out to the park so I can unwind. It’s like being part of several families. And I get paid !!!!


I think #Depression #Selfharm #Hidden

I think it’s time to try and get help again. My pills are running low in supply with no refills. Why do I have such a hard time calling doctors? I found a facility that seems really promising! Psychiatrist and therapist in the same building, close to home, accepts my insurance. And yet I STILL haven’t called to make an appt. I’m tired of running around, trying new pills, getting the ever ending list of emergency help lines, the weird doctor stare and silence look. I feel like I’m going into my manic phase again so maybe it’ll give me the boosted energy to actually call them and make an appt. I’m a little too afraid to just sit in my head much longer. Give me some inspiration and reassurance that I can call them. Please.