scared

Hi Everyone I am trying to bea better Christian for myself and for God. I left because I was going through a lot in hindsight I should have stay but I didn't. #stressed #scared

I have always been too scared to share the details of my life. I have been scared of rejections, rebellion, and even of myself. I am scared that I will not be able to handle the things that I hold in. I am scared for the pain to get worst. I am scared for the pain to disappear. This pain makes me who I am. It makes me sad, depressed, and anxious. But, it also makes me strong, resilient, and motived. There is a piece of me that does not want to let that go. But, I need to in order to continuing living life. I can no longer keep living an unhappy life with anxiety, distrust, and anger. I want to be happy. I shouldn’t have to stay up late nights crying. Movies shouldn’t trigger me. I shouldn’t be triggered by things that so called normal people find entertaining. I should be happy during holidays and birthdays. But instead, I party and numb all the pain with drugs and alcohol. I go through life wishing I felt nothing. I do not want to die, but I wish to felt nothing at all. This isn’t how life should be. I want to feel. I am scared because I do not know how it feels to feel. And if everything gets better, will I be better? Will I ever be truly happy after disclosing my truth?

I’m scared. I’m worried. I’m frustrated. I’m tired. I KNOW something is wrong.
I KNOW I have lupus I meet ALL the criteria, I have all the symptoms Plus some of the more uncommon ones. Yet because of the health care issues I’m unable to get a doctor to listen to me even though you can clearly see the physical affects Lupus is having on my body
I’m scared that even when I do get to get tested what if they don’t show anything and they say nothing is wrong… when I’ve been living with this now for years now and I KNOW it is. Women in my family have it like more then 3 women have been diagnosed with it. What if they say I don’t then what do I do? I’m unable to work because of how exhausted I am. I can’t live a normal life right now. #Lupus #help #scared I’m trying to stay strong but I’m tired of not being validated just because I don’t have a piece of stupid paper having a green check mark. I don’t need to prove myself when I know.

This is my first time posting here. I'll just rant it off like i donin my journal....
I missed an entire semester because of severe depression, that was followed by a month of winter break alone at home (my parents were there, that doesn't count). Now that I'm back at college, i feel so useless, I'm not even able to submit my assignments or understand anything they teach in class. I keep staying over at my friend's place because I'm scared to go back to my dorm. Every time i look at my desk there I'm reminded of all the things that are due, all the things i was supposed to be done with last week. I know all i need is time, everyone keeps telling me to take time. But i still can't help and not be overwhelmed. I wake up, look at myself in the mirror and get this sudden urge to cry (scream my head off). Even now I'm at my friend's room, i have already cancelled two Ubers and I'm not able to get myself to go back to my dorm. 2 anxiety attacks in between classes later I'm too scared to even go back to class.
#scared #overwhelmed #Depression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder

I just got home from my paid job at a hospital. My mom was having a hard time breathing. My dad almost had to call the ambulance. My heart is racing and I am scared. I might not sleep tonight ir I might have trouble sleeping just in case something happens. Wish me luck and please pray for my mom. God bless you all. #Anxiety #BipolarDisorder #scared

I had an ankle fusion in 2001, an ankle replacement in 2010 and I’ve been doing amazing since. I’ve been having pain in this ankle lately and I noticed that my I was walking on the side of my foot. So I went and saw my ortho surgeon. X-ray shows that I had a complete and total ankle failure. My bones have been crushed and ground up, the bottom of the replacement is upside down and the fusion no longer exsists. Another replacement is off the table and there is not enough bone to do a fusion. The only thing that is left to do is to have my foot/ankle amputated. I’m beyond scared!!
#depressed #scared #Arthritis #LimbAmputation