I kept this baby colt this year, my unicorn. I dream that I’ll ride him some day and we will have adventures. But today we only walked half as far, the bone on bone in my knee said “no farther or you’ll pay”. He was gentle. He’s learning to slow down to match my pace. I chose a calm colt, one that won’t challenge me more than I can handle. Yet for every yank on the rope is another hour I won’t sleep due to neck pain. Every time I bend over to clean a hoof adds up to a future injection or surgery. My hands ache and my feet are anxious. My chest tightens with anxiety of not being good enough. Not strong enough. But today the sun was warm while the wind was biting. The sunset glorious warns of freezing temperatures to come. My colt relaxed and grazed. A hand on his furry head took all worries away. I don’t live well most days. I don’t live at all without my horses. He is there. Someday I will step up on him just like I do his grandmother - with no fear. An initial jolt of pain takes my breath away, then my body remembers those youthful days riding for hours. It melts into the horse. My mind becomes the sunshine, the trees. I don’t want to get down. Getting off is the hardest part because I can’t walk! I need my unicorn. I’m always pain free when I ride, gazing to the distance, gliding. The doctors don’t understand why I can’t quit horses. #ChronicFatigue #Osteopenia #ChronicPainSyndrome #Osteoarthritis #hyperaldosteronism #TraumaSurvivors #DegenerativeDiscDisease #Insomnia