iamawarrior

Hi, my name is JeseBJeans. I'm here because
#MightyTogether #Migraine #Fibromyalgia #PTSD #Grief #Autism #Endometriosis #cmps are a part of my story, but #iamawarrior Learning and growing with those like us, are essential parts of life, and we can't improve and live our best lives without support.

today is a new day. I know what is in the darkness. I know what is waiting there. but today I am fighting back. taking my power back. even if it is one second of everyday, I will fight back and shine as best I can! #Depression #PTSD will not win today. not today. and tomorrow it will be a completely different battle. and I might not win every battle, but I will win ththis war!

I have never been happier a month ago! I started a new job, which my old job was completely awful. I now have the most amazing co-workers and my supervisors are amazing.
I started EMDR therapy and I feel like shit. I have an FMLA intermittent leave in place, so I don’t lose my job. I will be missing 4 days of work because of uncontrollable crying and panic attacks. My trauma is so deep and it has happened most of my life. I’m trying to cope and use all my skills.
Is this normal??? I feel like I’m taking a million steps backwards. I worry about how my new co-workers view me. As a lazy worker.
I’m seriously in pain. I turn into a different person. I’m usually soo responsible, but I couldn’t even cancel an appointment that I know I should have picked up the phone. That’s not like me. Only the panicked and depressed me. I hate feeling this way.
How do you explain to co-workers why you missed work? That gives me anxiety. My last job forced me to tell everyone about it. I don’t feel comfortable. I might just say that to people. One of my therapist’s said to treat these days like I am sick. Take care of YOU! I know I need to do that and I have been adding new things into my life that aren’t really new, but pushed away by this version of me.
I just need to know I am not alone in this. What do you do to help yourself get out of this?
#anxietysucks #depressionsucks #iamnotmyillness #iamawarrior

I often feel as though I’m a waste of space a thing that take up time and energy that you don’t want to deal with. Someone and somebody who isn’t worth being around. I can’t explain symptoms I can’t explain pains. I don’t know what causes them and I don’t know why I do something that I know I shouldn’t do. I can be rude and don’t mean to I can really move often than not be forgetful, confused and frustrating to deal with as though I were a child even though I am 45. Yet you don’t know what it’s like in my mind. You say you are tired of me using these as excuses but they are not. You don’t know how it feels to be me. They aren’t a crutch they are real. They are what I deal with everyday and you don’t know what they do to me inside. I didn’t ask for this but I go on living the best I can with it and do not complain. To have you stand over me and yell, complain, put me down, act as though I am less of a person because of it only makes it worse. I am a warrior because I make it through a day. Because I fight through the pain. Because I managed to do anything. You are not me. You don’t have the right to say the things you do because you don’t live in my body. If I waste your time and space then get out of mine. I won’t be your emotional punching bag anymore. My body beats on me enough. I am a warrior. #iammighty #iamawarrior