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#Memory Disfunction and Bipolar 1 with psychosis and delusions

#im beginning to doubt my memories of past abuse. My memories have been so severely affected by my Bipolar 1 with psychosis and my BPD. I’m on so much medication and have been for years. There is proof, physical proof, that my memories of past abuse could not have happened. I’m devastated that my disease has caused me to accuse people of terrible things when I’m finally able to accept, because of being presented with physical evidence that the abuse couldn’t have happened. I’ve apologized, but so much hurt and damage has been done. #False Memories. I wish I could take all my accusations back!

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One of those days #sameish

I woke up heavy from the night before. I often wonder if depression gets tired of existing. Like don’t you get tired of affecting people….as if it were a person! SMH! I hate looking in the mirror, I hate existing, I hate being alive!
I decided either I die or I disappear and don’t tell anyone where I’m going! Either way I gotta go!
#im done # everythingistrash #Lifesucks

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Losing the Love Of My Life #Missingyou #im sorry

I just lost my boyfriend to depression. He took his own like 2 days ago after writing a goodbye post on Facebook. I hurting so bad because all I can feel is that I’m at fault for it. I wish he would have atleast said goodbye. I loved this man with everything in me. He was such a great person who was dealing with so much. I have some anger because he received 700 likes and about 500 shares on his post but no one was there for him how he needed. I blame myself for most of it. I really want to be with him. I hope I can get through this heart break. My heart is so heavy. Why did I break up with him? Why was I so selfish to put myself first? Why? I’m trying not to question it but it’s hard not to when I KNOW I WAS THELAST STRAW. He confided in me. I loved this Man with all of me. FUCK.

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Sudden anxiety attack

#im having an anxiety attack but it has happened because of things out of my control I keep trying to calm down but I rationality came to the solution to fix and adjust on Monda

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Woke up in a great mood

I’m working today I haven’t been able to get any hours lately which sucks but that’s not why I’m happy my wife was finally able to get me a good therapist she actually called us back within 2 hours of calling the office initially I talked with this woman for damn near an hour and she actually listened to me and it wasn’t weird at all she explained how the program worked and she had the softest most gentle calming voice I’ve ever heard I’m scheduled for the end of august but I’m also on the cancellation list #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #im not afraid of you #small victories

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Fife like thi😴s? Maybe? Hi #im julie

Not only is it not #nothing it’s cool 😎 but it’s not right👎😎 #