Lifesucks

I'm so fucking tired of the roller coaster. Stop the world I want to get off!

I'm missing my FP something terrible. It's killing me that she kicked me to the curb. Told me, "I don't have space for you in my life." She doesn't know I have BPD since I've only recently been diagnosed.

I don't know if I should send her information on this fucked up disease or let it slide a little longer. The shitty part is ... it's my daughter.

I was doing fine with her decision after I was crushed with sadness and overwhelming pain when she left me. It's been two months since we have spoken.

The crushing feelings came rushing back in after my granddaughter spent the night over the weekend. I miss her so so very much. I want to try and mend things, but hurtful words were spoken by me. She's not sure she can forgive me.

I have a lot of therapy to do before I can try to heal us. I'm not sure she'll ever forgive me. It goes back to over a year ago.

The only time she'd try to talk to me about it was when she was drunk. I'd hang up on her. You can't reason with a drunk. We just talked in circles so nothing ever got accomplished. Of course that was my fault too. (She said)

It'll never be the same between us and that's the part that hurts the most. I trigger her. It kills me knowing I trigger my daughter. She has to be drunk or high to just be around/talk to me.

It's really fucking hard right now.

#Depression #MentalHealth #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #TheMighty #Lifesucks #ihurt #sad

I'm so fucking depressed right now I can't even think. I'm just numb.

I had an appointment with my doctor today. I got to find out I have heart failure. Let's just pile on more shit that's wrong with me. I feel like I can't win at anything. The heart failure isn't "bad" yet, but it's headed there. It's just a matter of time because there is no fixing it.

I'm waving the white flag. I surrender.

#Depression #CardiovascularDisease #Lifesucks #

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I just want to get the flu shot and get it over with already.

Last weekend, the bus took too long (more than 50 minutes) to come so we had to reschedule to today. However, when we got there (took almost an hour to get there btw), they said that no flu shots weren’t in stock (how???) EVEN THOUGH they said NOTHING about it on their website 😒

We almost tried Walgreens, which I had massive anxiety because of past experiences, CONSTANTLY being misgendered because they didn’t want to change my freaking information in their system at first.. but they required appointments (of course).

I just want to take it already to get it over with and to not worry about possibly being misgendered when it comes, but it can’t be next weekend because of personal reasons. I honestly want to cry. So in conclusion, life sucks.

#Lifesucks #Anxiety #SocialAnxiety #Stress

I woke up heavy from the night before. I often wonder if depression gets tired of existing. Like don’t you get tired of affecting people….as if it were a person! SMH! I hate looking in the mirror, I hate existing, I hate being alive!
I decided either I die or I disappear and don’t tell anyone where I’m going! Either way I gotta go!
#im done # everythingistrash #Lifesucks

Life Sucks with mental anguish and mental illness I hate my brain 🧠 don’t know how much longer I can manage without quitting

#Lifesucks #Disapointment Just another gut punch. Outlets not working. Another vacuum died. #Migraines I am a man of faith but sometimes I wonder why I bother praying.