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Feeling like I’ve really gone to far
Into loosing touch with reality. It’s so hard for me to tell what’s happening and what’s not anymore. What memories I’ve create that have or haven’t happened. If the things people have said we’re actually said or not.... but with so much inconsistency in people telling me that never happened I never said that you know that the problem is you... I’m so lost I’m obsessing about what’s actually wrong with me because I feel like bipolar disorder doesn’t explain some of my behavior some of the off the wall symptoms I have but my mom continues to say it’s probably just the bipolar and my psychiatrist hasn’t really said much beyond bipolar anxiety adhd and I think we haven’t touch on it much but ptsd... my biggest coping mechanism is dissociation. It’s like as soon as the smallest trigger happens I shut down. Didn’t even know it was happening until within the last year... after a divorce and getting into a new relationship where he actually has helped me realize things that I do that my ex husband just ignored and push aside and let me go to dark places he should have never let happen... I’m so confused I’m tired I’m hanging on by the edge of this cliff trying to stay strong trying to hold on trying to fight I’m exhausted and no matter what I do I can’t seem to hold on to being stable long enough to ever get to just breathe and enjoy life and I’m tired of these obsessions just to have something to focus on that doesn’t have my brain all over the place 😭😩terrified of having to go through yet another hospitalization but I’ve gotten to the point I can’t hardly to take care of myself..... I have at least lost 20-40lbs in the last couple months. I have no appetite and it’s to hard to get myself to make myself get up and make food #BipolarDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder? #INeedToTalk #AnxietyDisorder #PTSD #MixedMania #Dissassociating #Fibromyaliga #SuicidalThoughts #Obsessions
