I have been together with my partner for 2 years. He is a very kind and care person I would say. He loves my family as much I do (especially my grandparents) and my dogs. But, there is this situation that we still struggle with, that he has a foot fetish and 'kinda' have an obsessions about taking pictures of other's feet, buying worn and smelly shoes and stockings. Some, might think this is not a really big problem but for us (especially me) this is very bothering me. Whenever we go, if he saw someone with closed shoes or with stockings, he will staring at that person and for a sec will forget that he was there with me. Or if he saw somebody took off their shoes in the public place and if he saw an opportunity to take pictures of it and he will just leave me and disappeared for a while.
And about our sex life, ummm for me he (sometimes) not really interested in me again, he prefer drown in his fantasy then with me (a little bit hard to explain) but yea this made me feel a bit jealous about his fetish. I want to make him happy as well sometimes by helping him to get someone so he can take picture of their feet but this just freak me out. I scared, I'm angry, I'm sad, don't know how to explain. I also always try to wear shoes, so when he come home he will happy because I have used the shoes for a whole day, buying heels and be as interesting as possible for him again. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.Then I feel sad I just feel so jealous about fetish that he has. Which girl is not feeling broken when her partner look at somebody else like you are not there and talk about that girl and how enthusiasm he want to take picture of her feet and how beautiful she is. I do feel hurt, broken into pieces.
What I think, I just too jealous of that and I just can't accept something like his fetish just because I haven't heard or experienced with something like that before. I don't know what to do.
We talked about this many times and we still can't figure out how to handle this situation without hurt anybody. He didn't mean to hurt me, he just want to be open to me in this relationship because what he said, he never open about his fetish to his ex-es because he felt ashamed about it.And I really appreciate that. So, now because I knew it already and every time when I saw him look at somebody else just hurt me, cause I know what is going on in his head.
So, now we don't know what to do to handle this situation. I don't know how to manage my jealousy, I don't know how I should behave in front of him especially when he talk about what is going on his head because I don't want one day he will be afraid to open again to me and hide every thing. Because for me, being open is so important and so much better than live happy but full of lies, cause one day you will know the truth fast or slow. This make me overthinking all night long and sometimes because I feel so tired with all of this, all I want just die.