On November 3, 2020, my doggo of 10 years crossed the #Rainbowbridge . He was my constant companion, and he saw me through some really bad 💩 over the years. My kids picked him out at a shelter, so he was all I had left of my kids’ childhoods.
When he was diagnosed with a mast cell tumor, I was hopeful we could cure him. Unfortunately, that type of tumor is especially aggressive in German Shorthaired Pointers (GSP). We got three month from diagnosis to saying goodbye, even with aggressive treatment. But, I did everything I could possibly do for him, and I have no regrets. He was a good dog, but it was his time to go where I cannot follow. Hopefully, he is running and playing with the dog we had when my buddy came to live with us.
In the meantime, I’ve adopted the wild birds and squirrels in my neighborhood! It is late autumn/early winter in the American Midwest, and wild food sources are getting thin. My feeders have become a favorite hang out of about nine different species of birds, some of whom I’d never seen before starting this project. I get a great deal of peace watching them just outside my bedroom window. It’s very grounding at a time when I need all of the help I can get.
Adopting the wild ones has helped me deal with my grief. I think fondly on memories of my Max, but I don’t feel sorrow or depression. The birds don’t replace him (and he would have chased them all away if he were here), but they give me something to care about and something to take care of. They give me purpose for those times when the pit swallows me up and the lies in my head get loud. My birds need me to stay and fill up the feeders on occasion. That is reason enough to stay, for now.
My reason for living was for my boy. We would do everything together and he was always there to comfort me in times of struggles. He was the reason for me to get up in the morning on days where I'd want to stay in bed and hide away from the world.
When I'd have a bad day I know least I've got my boy to go home to who would always cheer me up with his craziness and all the love he had.
I miss you Boris and I'm so lost without you.
I honestly don't know what to do with my life right now. I'm trying my hardest to fight to stay alive but every morning I just want to collapse and give up.
I'm tired 😭
#BPD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Grief #Lossofpet #soulmates #Depression
Today my coworkers dog, Sunny, passed away. She would bring him to work almost every single day and him and I have become buddies over the past year that I’ve been here. I am so so very heartbroken and he wasn’t even my pet. He was sick and it was only a matter of time but I cannot stop crying. My heart aches for her because I know she loved him so very much and his illness came on a bit abruptly. I don’t know, I don’t really have anything else to say other than it hurts, and he was such a good boy. #Lossofpet #Loss #Grief #Depression #Crying