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    Feeling hopeless and missing my son after divorce

    I coparent with my ex of 21 years marriage and I’ve just spent time with my 17 year old son. I’ve now had to leave him and come home to an empty house on Mother’s Day and all the the way home driving, in my head I just wanted to not feel these feelings of loss and pain anymore. I just don’t want to hurt. #suicidal ideation #Sadness #Loss

    I would never hurt him or my 21 yr old daughter by acting on the thoughts. I just want to heal and 2 yrs later after the divorce, I still miss the family routines, my children, my home and my pets.

    I’m estranged from family and I have a partner but he’s v far ( long distance) and he doesn’t really understand these feelings, even though he tries to help me talk them through. He keeps telling me we have a future ahead of us but today I just want to not be here because it hurts so much to feel.

    13 reactions 6 comments
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    Regret & Grief

    It's been a month since my husband of 23 years very suddenly passed away. We had been separated since May of last year bcuz of addiction & the loss of hope. It took years for me to leave. I had to save us from each other, if that makes sense. We have always loved each other & that never changed even after we separated. Recently we had come to the place where we could finally talk to each other again. Like friends, like 2 ppl who can't stop loving each other. I asked for his forgiveness & he gave it freely. The next evening I got the dreaded phone call. The only man I had ever loved was gone. I was out of state in a treatment program for over 90 days. The last time I saw him was when he came to say bye to me when I decided to leave for rehab back in late October. Now I'm back in our home like I had been wishing for but now I have to live knowing he's never coming home to me. It gets harder every single day that I wake up & realize all over again that this is real. I buried my husband. I am not ok & it's so hard to answer ppl when they ask how I am or if I'm ok. I don't even know what to say bcuz I'm so numb so I just say I'm ok. It's a lie. I'm not ok. I'm going crazy inside. I wanna scream & cry. I want to rage. All I do is think about him & how I didn't get to see him since that day in October. He was so proud of me & I'm still sober today but this pain is debilitating & I can hardly cope. I need prayers. #Love #Grief #Loss #regret #Guilt #Addiction #Sobriety

    5 reactions 2 comments
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    Gateway to #heaven

    There is a photo I took the other day from the car. I looked up and snapped the photo as we drove. I felt like it was as my husband called it "Is that the Gate to Heaven?"

    I thought about #Grief and #Loss and how I #MISS my #Dad . It has not been an easy year. But 2023 looks a little more promising. It does not feel complete without my Father being around anymore. But, I know that I have many more things I need to do that I have to focus on.

    I am #Trying to keep a #Job now that I have found one. I just started it and already my hours have been slashed. {Sigh} I don't know what to do. The hours are cut because the business is slow, and there is a desperate need for more students to come to the learning center for tutoring otherwise.. we may not have jobs much longer.

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    Death of a parent and BPD

    just wondering if anyone else has gone through this. My mother unexpectedly passed away and I unfortunately found her. I'm not even sure how I've been able to stay as calm as I have & handle this time. #Loss #Death #mom #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #howdoyoucope

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    dealing with health and relationships after child loss

    I released a book on 1/31/2023, about every mental and emotional health issue I went through during my son's life until he died at 10 weeks after being born prematurely. 2/2/2023 will make 14 years since he passed, and it has taken those 14 years to heal. #Grief #Loss #SuicidalThoughts #MentalHealth #release #Healing

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    Two weeks ago I lost my dog. I don’t know if people feel the same way but to me, my dog was apart of the family. She was everything to me and it’s being so hard for me to move on with my life without her. It’s hard to be motivated and to feel happiness without feeling guilty. I think I’m writing this to help myself and to help others. It hurts and it’s gonna hurt for a long time but it’s gonna get better. #Loss #depressed


    Take everything I have and more

    So the other day at being yelled at by my kid and husband I said there comes a time when you stick enough knives in a back tht you have to stick one in the front out of mercy, I mean who would scream at me in A Water Is Wide, Sarah Jewel Indigo song, and who would scream Fuck you in her mother's face and then come home with a Johnny Cash shirt, I'm sorry I don't like Johnny Cash anymore I tolerate James Morrison a bit better, Shit, I who have no clothes have only my dreams, and a headache, broken heart and believe me a lot of people have killed themselves for less, not so stupid crazy love, faithful wife, maybe leave my head alone, it's already aching, burnt onion thai and all, abuse and suicide are worse evils than money, although caused sometimes by it, we could all think like we're in a commune, not take each other's lives, contribute to the whole, teach music Schneebly, ironic how Die, meaning to die, to cause death, she died, he died, they die, means Gimme in Russian, yeah sure you fucking sappers of my identity, my emotions, my soul, my freedom, my family, my healthcare, my marriage and now my daughter, whaterver you want, take everything I have and more, for you take my life, I would have given it whole for you to mold as you wished, now it's gone, so f ing sorry, #Depression #Lonliness #Abuse #Suicide #Greed #Loss #Grief

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    Sunday morning

    Had to share this
    Credit to Andy Lassner who posted this caption in memory of Twitch Stephen Boss

    This message resonates with me...
    being a person who cares so much for others, often forget to give back that same care to our own selves.
    Something to think about during this season.

    #MentalHealth #Depression #Bekindtoyourself #Grief #Loss

    14 reactions