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Preanticipatory Grief

Have you ever felt #Grief before the person who is terminally ill has passed away? I know that it will happen, but I also know that my brain is unable to really focus. Since I am on #prozac it makes it difficult for some internal emotions to be displayed.

I am feeling #sad and feeling a sense of #Loss without actually experiencing it yet. I think that it is because my Aunt is very ill and should make it through the holidays if we are blessed enough for that. I am #scared because I know what it is like to lose a parent as I lost my Dad last year to #Cancer and it hurts like crazy.

It is also #horrible when you #Lose a job because you called out so many times. It is not a good feeling at all whatsoever. That is grief as well. I am struggling and I really would like a #friend .

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On the first day I held in one hand #friend #Grief #Loss #petloss

On the last day I carried you in my arms

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No where to go

I woke up this morning to my dog being dead.
Following that, this afternoon a fire started near my home.
40 minutes ago I was evacuated from my home.
I have my remaining dogs, my cats, my lizard, my goats, and my pigs safe.
We have no where to go.
I feel like I should not exist.
Every time a friend has needed a safe space, my family has been there.
We have given and given and given.
Now we need help, are displaced, seriously depressed, and so stressed that life is not making sense.
We do not know when we will be allowed home, or if we will have a home to go to.
Why should I exist to help everyone in need, when no one is willing to have my back.
#Depression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #anger #Loss #Grief

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When depression and anxiety make me feel liking giving up.

Hi everyone! I often read posts on The Mighty and appreciate them all, but I don't often actively interact or post my own stories. Today I'm, for the first time feeling so hopeless and helpless that I'm thinking that not existing at all is a serious option. While I've denied having passive suicidal ideations, I'm pretty sure that is what I'm experiencing. I've dealt pretty effectively with all the things that get me down, but today...as I contemplate my extreme financial strains, lack of an in-person support network, facing my rent going up, and wondering how in the world I'm going to take care of needed car repairs, having enough food (since my benefits were cut from $280 to $71 per month), and dealing with extreme feelings of isolation...I'm for the first time thinking ceasing to exist is an option. And I'm scared. I'm sixty-eight years old, barely living on SS income, and feeling completely isolated and alone...and I just don't know how to handle it.

I've been prescribed an antidepressant, which I will begin taking today...but that isn't helping my feelings of desperation and anger that our systems are so broken, or that there is little help for so many of us. Trying to deal with the red tape and confusing process to apply for subsidized housing...and then seeing just how long it may take to get anywhere with that...with extensive waitlist times and how overwhelmed the system is, is just adding to my current state of not knowing what to do, or how much longer I can keep up any semblance of a happy face or keep my anger and frustration from spilling over into every aspect of my life.

I've even been considering admitting myself into a hospital for help to get me through this...but that is a bit horrifying all by itself. What does one do when help seems so out of reach and so complicated to acquire? I'm seeing a psychiatrist...which is helpful, and my medication doctor (who I have to go through for medication help) seems coldly distant and often unhelpful...which doesn't deal with or help my daily feelings of hopelessness and helplessness when I'm by myself and alone with my thoughts and frustrations. Any advice from the community will be much appreciated.#Depression #Anxiety #hopelessness #helplessness #Sleep #Loss #Isolation #Pain

Thank you!


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I'm new here!

Hi I'm Jessica and I'm here to have a community that can truly understand what it's like and to share my story so others know their not alone, even when we feel like we are. #TheMighty #BipolarDisorder #PTSD #PanicDisorder #Grief #Loss #Survivor #Migraine

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Hello, I need to vent and idk maybe someone else can relate. I lost my best friend in fall of 2020. We hadn’t spoke to one another in 2.5 years when she passed away. We had been extremely close and best friends for nearly 25 years. She was like a sister to me, I loved her, her daughter, and her entire family. Unfortunately, her addiction became so severe that I had no other option but to cut her out of my life until she admitted she had a problem and got some help. The last time I talked to her, I told her to contact me when she gets help and I hung up the phone. This is a person in my life that I shared the most genuine laughs with, we shared nearly everything with one another. I considered her family to be a second family to me. Well, the entire family was not aware of her severe addiction. So, my BFF told her family that our falling out had to do with me. She blamed me for everything. Her family has stopped all communication with me. My BFF had asked me numerous times to be there for her daughter if anything ever happened to her. Well, this isn’t possible now. The family is upset with me and wants nothing to do with me. It feels as though I am being blamed for her unhappiness in life prior to her passing. Every day I think of her, every day I miss her, I want her family to understand but I am not willing to discuss her addiction with them as they are not willing to accept that is what caused her death. She was an everyday IV Heroin addict. She suffered multiple blood infections and over time her heart shut down. She had open heart surgery and the doctors warned her that she could not use after surgery or she could die. Well, she used and she ended up having a massive stroke and died at the hospital surrounded by family. She had track marks all over her body and how her family “wasn’t aware” of her addiction, I’ll never know. She lived with her Mom and her daughter. I carry guilt for not saying anything to her family about her addiction. However, the last time I mentioned anything to her family about being concerned I was ousted, made fun of, and accused of lying. So, I let it go. It feels like I am in hell some days because of how I feel regarding losing her and everyone in the family. Yes, I have my own family but life is not the same and it never will be again. The roller coaster of emotion and the pain of sadness is very real and I do not wish it upon my worst enemy. Anyway, again, I needed to vent is all. Thank you for reading this if you’ve made it this far. #Grief #Addiction #Loss

13 reactions 3 comments

Relief or Sadness? So Confused #Trauma #Healing

My abuser was found guilty and sent to prison to await sentencing. My abuser was a family member and quite honestly I don't know how to feel at the moment. People tell me I should be happy he's gone and got what he deserved and that I should be proud of myself for confronting him during trial. While I am proud of myself for being brave and not giving up when I easily could have, after 4 years of waiting for a trial it's finally done. I cried for the past 2 days. I keep telling myself I don't love or miss him but I still feel like I lost something. There will never be a chance to talk to him, to try and understand why he did what he did. I won't attend sentencing because I am too tired of the legal process. Yet if I don't go I will never see him again. He will most likely die in prison. Other family members have sent me threatening messages such as saying they hope I kill myself. I was scared that this person would find me but luckily they did not. My #PTSD symptoms are somewhat reduced now that it's over but I'm still a bit shook up. Honestly I don't know how to feel right now. I'm not angry I know that. I just don't know what I'm feeling. I don't know if this is normal or not. Luckily I can start therapy again so that will help a lot. I'm just so tired. How do you move on from something like this?

#SexualAbuse #SexualAssault #PTSD #BipolarDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Family #Grief #Loss #confused #Healing

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Song recommendation🎤🎧😌

Hi Mighties,

Here I highly recommend to listen to this recent song 'The Journey' by artist H.E.R.
This is a masterpiece, the strings and her vocals. So soothing to the ears. 🥹

Personally, it tugs at the heartstrings. For whatever you are going through right now, I wish you all peace and healing in your hearts and soul.

Here below are most of the lyrics:

🎤All the times you thought you'd never make it through
Felt just like the world just turned it's back on you
Didn't stop you
All the times you could've give in and you'd given up
Times you didn't know if you were strong enough
Still you got through

Somehow it's all part of the plan
The journey
The journey
The journey

It's the journey
It's the getting there to where you're going to
Going through hell but still you're gonna make it through
It's the fire that they can't put out inside
It's a hell of a ride

All the times they thought that they could hold you back
But you've always known there was no chance of that
You're made (You're made) too strong
And when you're going with your heart you can go
Farther than you'd ever thought possible
Prove them all wrong

#Healing #Grief #Loss #Selfcare #Selflove #MentalHealth #CheckInWithMe #Recovery #Anxiety #Depression #Music

8 reactions 2 comments