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    Community Voices

    Have you ever been told by a therapist that they cannot help you?

    <p>Have you ever been told by a therapist that they cannot help you?</p>
    10 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    Have you grieved the loss of a parent that is still alive?

    <p>Have you grieved the loss of a parent that is still alive?</p>
    8 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    Even Things Lost Were Once Gifts

    My mind skips around like an old recorder
    Scratches at each jump between
    Times when I think I’ve settled on an answer
    For what might seem a simple question
    If it weren’t loaded

    If I sleep with this keepsake tonight
    Will holding it close to my chest
    End up breaking it apart more later
    Just like our first to last of five months in this home
    Except boxes are, already, packed to leave
    And one of two of us already left completely

    I’m not sure what happpened to the you I got to see one last time
    It was just four or five hours
    But you were “back”,
    You were “alive”
    And you were kind
    And I had missed you so
    But that’s not why the tears streamed down my face
    It was bc I knew the you that you’d replace
    Would be the you that killed who you really were
    And all we could have been
    We wanted so much more
    Than “could have beens”

    I’m sorry I had to make the call
    When just days before, you had kissed my face
    But the Black Eyes returned within only days
    And just like that,
    The man I loved was replaced
    With a punishing parent
    From a patterned past
    Don’t you know there’s a reason
    Only Jesus should attempt to raise the dead

    Black Eyes moved toward
    And swiftly fell upon me
    3 digits and a screen had to intervene
    But they could only save me
    And that night I felt the loss of death
    There was nothing left in your eyes

    May Jesus raise you up like Lazarus
    May the One who is outside the bounds of
    Space and Time and Death
    Reunite us again
    When we are ready

    #BPD #Splitting #codependence #Loss #ComplicatedGrief

    Community Voices
    Community Voices

    I want to run
    To run away from the pain
    To run away from the guilt
    To run away from myself.
    I want to run
    To a place in my mind
    To a place that is safe
    To a place that is whole
    I want to run
    To some one who cares
    To someone who knows
    To someone to love
    I want to run
    And never look back
    And never have doubts
    And never give up
    I want to run
    To a me that is whole
    To a me that is brave
    To a me that is real
    I want to run
    From this brain that is broke
    From this body I hate
    From this heart that won't heal.
    I want to run
    To a place I don't know
    To a world that's true
    To a peace unknown
    I want to run.

    ~Heidi

    39 people are talking about this

    I'm Grateful to Call Myself 'Widowed' After Losing My Husband

    The first time I checked the box next to “widowed” under the “relationship status” section of a form, I paused, pen tip hovering above the sheet of paper. I was about to check “married” as I usually do, but reality reared its head once again. I thumbed my wedding ring, lost in thought. I continue to wear my wedding ring because taking it off would feel like a betrayal to my husband — a declaration of the end of my marriage. It would mean closing an important chapter in my life to make way for a new chapter — and I’m not ready for that. My husband passed away several months ago, and the dense fog of mourning and intense sorrow is just starting to lift. Although I am reminded of him many times a day, I am learning to navigate my life without his solid and comforting presence. I am often lonely and at a loss of what to do with myself, particularly during the times when we would usually be doing something together. But I’m finding new ways to occupy myself and to plan my days as a single individual. I suppose that technically, I am no longer married — but in my heart and mind, I still am. I didn’t choose this, and neither did my husband. Our marriage did not end on the day he passed away. We did not decide to separate from one another. I loved my husband and was faithfully committed to him — regardless of what was thrown in our path. His death doesn’t automatically change those feelings. With a wince, I placed a check next to “widowed” and moved to the next question on the form. For me, the term “widow” conjures up images of lonely old women living solitary lives, playing bingo and eating TV dinners while watching reruns. Film and television depicts middle-aged widows as bitter and sorrowful women who are too young to go through the rest of their lives alone — yet too old for the chance to find love again. Widowed young men are depicted as angry, heavily drinking wrecks with death wishes. Older widowed men are portrayed as anchorless souls in desperate need of new partners to make their lives worth living again. I am not keen to join this Lonely Hearts Club that society views as tragic and pitiful. And yet, I am grateful there is a term that encompasses the current state of my life — with no further explanation required. The word “widowed” explains why I still consider myself married even though my partner is gone, why I still wear my wedding ring even though my husband’s is tucked away in a drawer, and why I’m not interested in seeking romance even though I’m no longer legally committed to someone. Using the term “widowed” often garners empathy and compassion — rather than the potential judgment or legal probing that the terms “divorced” or “separated” may elicit. I do not have to sit through “plenty of fish in the sea” pep talks or offers to set me up with “this great guy I know.” Perhaps most importantly, “widowed” usually staves off the pressure to explain or discuss the tangled, varied thoughts and feelings I’m experiencing during this painful, lonely time in my life. Upon hearing that I’m widowed, most people just seem to “get it” on an instinctually empathetic level. I uttered the words “’til death do we part” 15 years ago — not knowing that day would come much sooner than expected and not truly understanding that the death of a spouse does not necessarily mean the end of a marriage.  The loss of my husband has legally changed my relationship status and has brought many changes in other areas of my life, but it hasn’t changed how I think and feel about my relationship with my husband. Only time will change that. Letting go is a process that varies from person to person, and it has no time limit. So with gentleness towards myself, I will take all the time I need to grieve. In the meantime, I am trying to embrace the word “widow” not as a permanently sad and lonely identity but instead as a descriptor of a momentary chapter in my life.

    Community Voices

    What do you do for self-care to prepare for a difficult day?

    <p>What do you do for self-care to prepare for a difficult day?</p>
    34 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    Grieving a friend twice

    I was told (via text) a friend, Chris, had passed and that it was by his own hands. 10 hours later, I was told that former statement was REVISED and that he had been sick and was taken off life support. This info was not only shared with myself but other friends and acquaintances. Later, it turns out that Chris was alive but in ICU. I did get family confirmation this time. His memorial services are tomorrow. I’m grieving my friend twice. And it’s been such a hellish rollercoaster. I’m at a loss and a standstill. #suicidalideations #Grief #Loss #Trauma #Depression #help

    6 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    I hate Cancer!!!!!!

    My sister is dying from cancer. It has progressed to the point the the hospital sent her home with hospice to die comfortably in her home. I'm anger and sad and scared. How do I do this life without my big sister? 💔 who will listen when I am down and make no sense? Who will advise me and tell me its going to be okay? She is too young to die she is only 59.Her older years have been stolen from her. I'm unbelievably broken hearted! I don't want her to go yet I had to give her my permission 😫 and tell her not to worry about me. She told me so calmly over the phone that she wasn't going to get any better and wouldn't be talking to my again. What choice did I have but to tell her it was okay. #Cancer #Depression #Loss #LiverCancer TerminalCancer

    34 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    Will today be a good day?

    <p>Will today be a good day?</p>
    9 people are talking about this