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    Back in Hospital Again 🏥 🤕

    Today, I just went to the doctor 👩‍⚕️ for GI issues, and all of a sudden started having a seizure. I have non-epileptic seizures triggered by anxiety and had a ptsd flashback in the doctor’s office which set of this whole shit 💩 storm. You see - I was abused in the medical setting - physically, verbally, and emotionally. I was gaslit and told I was faking and needed to snap out of it. FYI it’s pretty hard to fake a seizure. Now I’m losing all my body functions again - can’t walk, can’t talk, can’t even pee on my own. I feel so incredibly hopeless and depressed that I’m going through this all over again. Just when I start seeing a glimmer of hope that I’m improving and getting better this happens. I just want to get better more than ever!!! I’m only 23 - young with lots of hopes and dreams and my whole life ahead of me. I don’t want to be stuck in a wheelchair with a catheter needing help doing everything, when I was just started to gain more independence and get my life back. I’m trying to stay strong, but I just really need some words of encouragement and hope from anyone whose experienced something similar. If any of you are out there I could reach out I’d really appreciate it 💞 #FunctionalNeurologicalDisorder #InterstitialCystitis #Gastroparesis #PsychogenicNonepilepticSeizures #PTSD #medicalabuse

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    I get upset thinking about how my mom and psychiatrist drugged me my entire childhood

    I developed PANDAS at the age of 5 but didn’t get diagnosed until my early teen years. So my entire childhood I was treated as a medical guinea pig because my psychiatrist had no idea what to do with me. I was put on and off medications within short amounts of time, I was taking large amounts of meds, and was put on meds like mood stabilizers and antipsychotics for an ocd, tic, and anxiety diagnosis. Even after my PANDAS dx, I still was forced onto these drugs because my mom gave up after 2 attempts of treating PANDAS and wanted me on these meds because she wanted my behavior to be up to her standards (which was not why I was taking them).

    Today, I still have PANDAS and most likely irreparable damage done by this medical abuse. I shouldn’t have been on any medications. Period. I don’t have “traditional” ocd and tics. Mine was caused by my immune system attaching my brain. That’s why the medications never worked. On top of that, no child should be put on medications as severe as mood stabilizers or antipsychotics. Especially a child without a mood or psychotic disorder.

    Rant over lol. Fuck doctors.

    #PANDAS #OCD #tics #Tourettes #TouretteSyndrome #autoimmune #PTSD #CPTSD #MedicalTrauma #medicalabuse #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder

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    It was a rainy day yesterday. Today I feel much better after having a lot of fresh air and sunshine



    Covering Up Malpractice #malpratice #medical abuse

    With this; with doctors only willing to treat the symptoms, they will be creating a new problem. With my situation, I am 100% handicapped.
    If they can be seen as saving me because my situation becomes critical, then it becomes a new problem. It's possible that doctors choose to let some people suffer because of a previous medical opinion by another doctor. Misdiagnosis could be claimed if the 2nd opinion states that the first opinion missed it. #malpratice #medical #medicalabuse #misseddiagnosis #missed -diagnosis


    Apparently asking for help is manipulative

    I’m not ashamed to ask for help. I’m easily able to recognise when I need help. However, after being told by healthcare professionals that I was an undeserving waste of time and resources and was taking time and resources away from those who deserve help, I won’t ask for help. That was 18 years ago. Apparently if you know what you need and verbalise it, that is manipulative. It means you are saying you won’t do something unless “xyz” happens. I was attention seeking by saying how and what I felt and thought. They said that I didn’t really think and feel those things, I just wanted other people to believe that I did. I was raised in an abusive home. I was use to it, I expected it, it was my normal. At the age of 20 when I first spoke up, it never even crossed my mind that the abuse would continue at the hands of other people, especially people who were supposed to care and help. I was still being abused at the age of 20 when I first spoke up, but speaking up was blaming other people for my problems. I never thought that recovering from mental illness would be easier than recovering from the “treatment” that I received. I still to this day do not understand why that happened. I know myself and trust myself so I work through hard times on my own. I don’t talk much anymore. I’m silent most of the time. I know that I wouldn’t survive that kind of “treatment” again. I spend a lot of time loathing myself for not taking my life back then when it first began so that I never had to go through that medical abuse, so that I didn’t have to live with the memories of what I went through. I cannot separate that from myself and it is torture re living that every day. #Depression #medicalabuse #ChildAbuse #PTSD