mommy

I need a antidepressant like Zoloft (which I’ve had before a long long time ago). I live in a world of constant anxiety and have developed a panic disorder in the last year (thanks Covid). I feel so defeated because I also have a huge fear of taking medicine, including Tylenol. I feel like I’m letting my family down.. I have twins with a disability and require my full attention all the time and full ability all the time to get to therapists offices. I feel so defeated I am totally petrified to take anxiety medication like a SSRI. I know I need them so badly but I will throw myself into a panic before I can even take it.. if I do mustard up the courage to take it I’ll throw myself into a panic for 24 hours straight. I am now depressed and have anxiety.. is anyone else this fearful or am I just alone. I’ve searched so many forums trying to find anyone else who suffers from not being about to take medication (pharamphobic) and crippling, horrible, Satan sent, anxiety.
I’m tired.. #tired #Anxiety #pharmaphobic #depressed #mommy

Inside I die a little bit more every second that you two are not with me.
I understand that I can not get that time back no matter what I do.
But THIS year hurts more.
You boys are grown and I have to try to forgive myself for the time stolen from us.
I.
WILL.
NOT.
HURT.
MYSELF.
TODAY...
TONIGHT...
TOMORROW...
I AM A SURVIVOR AND I DID MY BEST THAT I COULD DO WITH WHAT WAS GOING ON AND I SAVED OUR LIVES DOING IT.