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    Here we go again… | TW Family, swearing #venting

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    Aaand my nephews are staying home from school for the rest of the week. I can just tell. But they’ve been quiet yesterday, surprisingly. But who knows if that’s gonna happen the rest of these days… sh*t 😕

    Why am I so annoyed just from the thought of it?? I swear I love my nephews and know what’s going on with them, considering that they’re also just kids as well.

    If they start being loud again, I’m going to cry. I was really looking forward to this week.. *sigh* oh well. I guess.

    #Autism #sad #why #justwhy #Anxiety #Family #fml

    9 reactions 6 comments
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    This is torture | TW anger, dysphoria, some all cap text, fleas, empty inside #venting

    Not like anyone cares, why am I writing this??
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    Every time someone who I’m not that familiar with comes here, it’s torture. I have to stay in my room all day or else I try too hard to pass as masculine every freaking time I come out of my room, just so I won’t be called “she” or “miss” or “girl” (it’s a horrible feeling). But now I feel like I’m STILL not passing because I’m already feeling so horrible because of the flea problem that I APPARENTLY SEEM TO BE THE ONLY ONE TO HAVE IN MY ROOM AND NO ONE ELSE’S and now I lack the energy because I’m so furious. We can’t afford a veterinarian for our cat, either.

    And the whole someone coming over and fixing things is supposed to happen for the next 2 days as well.
    So that’s fun. (/sarc /neg)
    And I already feel empty inside just from today.

    And it’s going to be up to 74 degrees the days after that, which usually I would be excited for, but honestly the whole bug thing has gotten me so sick and tired of these nice days that I just want it to be cold already! (Not like it will kill the fleas anyway, I’m so freaking mad about learning that 😡😡)

    #sad #Autism #Anxiety #SocialAnxiety #GenderDysphoria #anger #empty #fml

    1 reaction 3 comments
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    I got misgendered from behind | TW dysphoria, mentions of suicidal thoughts, self-harm, one swear #venting

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    Sometimes I really hate being trans and nonbinary. I wish I was just born masculine.
    It’s not fun. It happened as soon as I came to the bus stop, too, and I immediately just went back home. Clearly all society sees is a girl. No matter what I freaking do. I have long hair, but I’m not a freaking girl.

    Why can’t this stupid society see that I’m not a girl? Every time I get misgendered now, thoughts of being off dead get into my head, oftentimes even having a plan right then and there. And I went back to self harm today, but I’ll try not to do it again.

    I hate this.

    So fuck it. I’m not going back outside. Not even to eat (which is why I would even be outside). Not even to pick up something from the door if someone’s standing there. Not if everyone is just going to misgender me as a girl like this, even if they usually don’t mean to hurt me. It still freaking hurts. This is why I can’t even just dress how I want to dress. I try to, but stuff like this often gets in the way, and this is why I sometimes avoid wearing skirts (which I guess didn’t even freaking matter today anyway).

    Oh, and just for clarity’s sake, I don’t identify as a human. It’s nothing pessimistic or degrading, but it’s more in a spiritual nonhuman way. So I ask to please not call me a human, thanks.

    #LGBTQIA #sad #GenderDysphoria #SocialAnxiety #SuicidalIdeation #ihatethis #fml #imnotagirldamnit

    1 comment
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    This is ridiculous

    My grandparents still not understanding my disability after five years bothers me way more than it should. They’re making day to day living so much harder and I’m so done. #Epilepsy #PosturalOrthostaticTachycardiaSyndrome #WheelchairUser #Disabled #severeanxiety #Anxiety #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #ChronicDepression #ChronicMigraines #fml

    9 comments
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    The struggle is real

    So I’m tryna get a service dog. I need mobility assistance, heart rate alert, seizure response and some other stuff. I can’t get an epilepsy dog because my seizures aren’t “epileptic seizures”. Just seizures. So I can’t get a dog to help with that, which is annoying. There’s also no way I’d ever be able to afford a freaking service dog because I’m disabled and can’t get a job. So yeah, fml. #nonepilepticseizures #LivingWithPOTS #ServiceDog #fml

    2 comments
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    I'm so done... #imdone #fml

    My psych Dr is out on COVID leave and nobody will refill my meds....

    1 comment
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    It's the Asthma-Bronchitis-alpoolsa time again! #Asthma #chronic bronchitis upper respiratory infection pneumonia #Predinsone

    I can't tell if my childhood asthma has graduated to adult asthma. I also suspect POTS. #fml

    1 comment
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    Is there something wrong with me?

    I met this guy, and we've been dating for about a month now and he makes me so happy. There's only one problem. I don't know how to be happy anymore. Why is it that I can't accept happiness? He really cares about me, and that scares me. Why does it scare me? He calls me beautiful or adorable or (to quote him) "absolutely drop-dead gorgeous" and I just fight him on it and argue until one of us gives in. Or compliments? What's wrong with me??

    #Love

    #whatswrongwithme

    #Relationships

    #Depression

    #Anxiety

    #fml

    8 comments
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    #depressio #Anxiety #fml #alone everyone's rock, no shoulder to lean on

    Tired of existing, kinda weird how life works, if its all perspective why is mine so messed up and will i ever see things differently or find pleasure in things I used to like?... #Concerned

    9 comments