Motherinlaw

Not sure what your trigger words are but mine might be different. More than likely I will offend you. I feel like I can't do anything or say anything about a single thing that happens to me and frankly I'm scared of my own self. In 2009, right after Katrina I lost my Mama, both grandmother's, my great aunt, uncle, several friends, and through alot of therapy over the last few years I thought I was able to get through the day.

Until Nov 2024 when my mother in law passed. Most ppl hate theirs and w/o having any other matriarch in my life instead of hate, I loved mine! I even quit my job and was her caregiver until I wasn't able to bc of my own illnesses. Now all the same feelings I had... thoughts about the stupid as I call it....the dark place... Docs call it depression. It has no place and I know this but stopping it and then frickin mother's day dammit mother's day comes. I was told... Lied to by my docs years ago that I couldn't have kids.

I've never been able to get past that. Don't say my husband is a great man to stay with me through all the illness and depression bc we've only had a true marriage for 5 of the 20 we've been together. We live different lives in the same house with him in another room like it's the 1950s. Having his mom here helped keep us together but gave him an excuse to keep pushing an adoption off that I've given up on us having. So I grieve and mourn the loss of being a mother myself and mothers day is nothing but another reminder. Like being on a merry go round I can't stop.

#Depression #Grief #Loss #mom #MothersDay #Motherinlaw #Motherinlaw