I don't know what a "normal" holiday is supposed to look like, yet somehow that is all I crave.
A holiday where you don't have to decide if it's worth it to see family members if you know it is going to cause a flare afterwards.
A holiday where things aren't tense because of all the family members who still don't want to admit or get treatment for any other mental health issues.
A holiday where I didn't need to lay down to rest in the middle of the day and that I didn't wake up in pain.
A holiday where I don't see the traditions others are doing and remember just how much my chronic illnesses have taken away from me.
A holiday where I don't see all the other people my age who now have a family of their own and starting a legacy of traditions with their own kids... all while I wonder why my body didn't even give me the choice to decide what I wanted my legacy or future to look like.
A holiday where it doesn't make me realize that yet another year has passed and the harsh reality of how many goals I didn't meet.
A holiday where I could actually feel comfortable inviting people over to our house... to have a house that isn't constantly in a state of destruction thanks to two ADHD adults living in it.
A holiday that didn't make me miss my career and all the extra events and services that I used to work during these special weeks of the year.
If I'm being honest with myself, I know that there probably isn't a "perfect" holiday for anyone. Yet it's hard not to notice so many more painful realities during these days each year. Because when you have chronic illness, it never takes a holiday or day off.
And it's hard not to hope that somehow, someway, next year will be a little bit better. But for now, I have to try and find the moments I can enjoy in the midst of yet another holiday that feels ruined.
#Holiday #ChronicIllness #Fibromyalgia #ChronicFatigueSyndrome #postviralsyndrome #ADHD #Bipolar2 #Anxiety