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Missing her #mydaughter #ComplicatedGrief

It’s been 15 days. FIFTEEN days since I’ve heard her voice. Touched her, held her, laid eyes on her. She left to live with her father and I am dying inside. I have no idea how to deal with this pain.

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New York City Time Square

My daughter Viva Selena was selected by NDSS to be on the video for this Saturday September 12,2020. We're so proud of her. #Downrightperfect #timesquare #NDSSBuddyWalk #teamdivaviva #mydaughter #DownSyndrome


Losing my shit again::: I miss my daughter! #MissMyDaughter

I miss my daughter. She’s 20 almost 21. She had a bit of a breakdown early in December and spent some time learning about herself and her thoughts and life. She learned that she’s still pissed off at me for leaving her father. She blames me for the divorce and for her having depression during her childhood. We have had many ups and downs the past 2 years. More downs than ups. She told me to quit telling her I love her because she already knows I love her. (I’ve ALWAYS told my kids I love them, every time they walk out the door or when I’m on the phone with them, every time).

She left for college 5 hours away on December 29 and she never even said goodbye. I have left her alone, giving her time to sort out thoughts. I messaged her on Jan 2nd to wish her a Happy New Year and wishing her a great year at school. She replied, but vaguely. I haven’t spoken to her since. I miss her. I don’t know how to react. I don’t know what to say or do. I’ve been crying all night. I just miss her. I don’t know if she’s happy. I don’t know if she’s safe. I don’t know anything. This is a new college for her, a big city. I just miss her so much. Can anyone relate and pass on some words of encouragement. I have no one to talk to. Her dad doesn’t tell me anything except “she’s fine”. #mydaughter #Sadness #regret


Why I Keep Going

#mydaughter #myhusband #myparents #myfamily #myfriends

I keep going because in life you never know whats ahead. It could be the deepest, darkest sea, or a path that leads to more pain. It could be a bright colorfull rainbow with Blessings.
I take it one day at a time. I had surgery yesterday morning and I am in a lot of pain. I have RSD/CRPS (The most painfull condition Known to Man). Rated 42 out of 50 on the McGill pain scale. It used to be called “Causalgia” in the Civil War.
I am sharing this information for awareness. I am not trying to sound snooty, or to trivialize anyones pain on here. We all have pain in our own lives. I know though that I am strong and mighty. I have faith I can do this.
Even if its just getting through a difficult day. We ALL can do this we just need to keep trying. #dontgiveup