Can not breathe but no one is chocking me
Can not sleep, but no one is making a noise
Do not want to accept, even if it is the truth
Do not want to be reminded , even if I forgot
Has never been easy, I wish those memories were long gone
But I need to be kind to myself and move on
#Bipolar1Disorder #Love #Shame #Mania #Anxiety #Sadness #Guilty #black #MightyPoets
I have 12 days before my first exam and I am not prepared at all. The unpreparedness has been hanging over me for the entire semester, I hate studying and I do not know what I will do in the future. My boyfriend said "Last year I told you it'd get better, you would be more focused, etc. But I am actually quite surprised that it didn't". All while he is trying to help me, I think he has no clue about how mental health works, and I did not choose to be bad at my studies or feel so sad all the time. He analyses stuff that do not require analysis. I think being sad in front of him is a big mistake. It is just frustrating despite the fact that I did not expect him to understand me. I think everything just got worse when I started sharing my problems with him. He doesn't understand me at all. #Boyfriend #Relationships #relationship #School #studentlife #study #studies #Education #Anxiety #future #Career #MentalHealth #despair #Sadness
Everyday I have to act like everything is okay.
Everyday I have to put a smile on my face so people don't see how sad I really am.
Everyday I have to deal with people not believing me when I say I don't want to be here anymore. that i cant be here anymore.
Everyday I'm counting down the minutes, hours, until I get to go lay in my bed and close my eyes.
Everyday I have to force myself to get up and do things.
Everyday my emotions fly out of control.
Everyday I read to take my mind of my life, because books take your mind somewhere else.
Everyday I struggle.
Everyday I get through it.
Everyday.
Everyday.
I’ve never been to a mental hospital stay. I’ve been so so so close but was afraid to scare my kids. I often want to go especially here lately. Just to get away from life and reality which has become unmanageable and almost unbearable lately. But again don’t want my kids upset and living in a small town makes it tricky as well. I’ve heard not so many good things about those places and also I don’t work as I’m on disability so it’s not like I can’t just manage at home so why do I want to go there? I feel it’s stupid but something inside of me keeps pulling me to want to go. It makes no sense. I have a therapist see every two weeks and a psychiatrist. I feel like I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing. Taking my meds, trying to rest as much as possible, etc. so why do I feel the urge to go away a few days? I have my fears certainly about the place! For as long as I can remember I wanted to go to the hospital for a few days. I don’t want to be really sick or hurt but I’ve fantasized about being in the hospital… being taken care of and no responsibility or concerns.. no cooking or cleaning. Etc what’s wrong with me. #BipolarDepression #CPTSD #MentalHealth #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #Anxiety #Sadness #exhausted
Heyy
How do you guys cope with your anxiety so that it doesn’t affect your daily life or moods? Just pour in some tips id love to know💕💕
I'm sharing a previously posted story written on here from 4 years ago.
My very last 'surviving' friendship is now also drifting away out of my reach 😔. I hate the loneliness it brings.
Having one friend made everyone else disappearing more bearable. But how am I to feel now I am alone? no more bestie or 'solid' friendship.
Was it me? Am I too oppressive? Could I have done more?! - I'll never know.
To clarify, we had a 10 year friendship and we were each others 'best friend' she is my sons godmother. We were literally thick as thieves - could finish each others sentences, say the same things at the same time. She, my husband and I were the '3 amigos'
So our situation now is that she, and her new husband have moved to another town nearby. She's made new dear friends there,and has slowly weaned off me.
The last time she saw me it was for my birthday 2 weeks after it 😓 it felt like she was feeling awkward after a while. After she left, I never received the 'I really enjoyed seeing you 🥰' etc text message we would normally exchange - even though I sent one myself
What finally made me see it for what it is, is that I was meant to see her tomorrow. We planned this ages ago. But was told yesterday she cannot do the afternoon. Morning only. Then today got a message cancelling entirely
Once before I got sick there was a time where I was all she had, even when everybody left her due to a trauma she experienced, I supported her through.
I really thought after years of bullying and never fitting in due to Autism, I had found my 'forever friend' ❤️ for years and years our social media pages were constantly full of pictures of our 'adventures' and tagging each others names on posts. Almost announcing to the world what a close unbreakable friendship we had. It made me feel lucky and special🤦♀️ somebody liked me for me! I had never had a friendship this genuine before (i thought) I feel embarrassed to have felt this way now.
I know people who don't stick around due to illness aren't worth my time. Equally I know people can change and drift apart too, but I thought we were stronger than that?
But it doesn't change the hurt. Especially as this gradually happened over two years, feeling it slip away. Questioning if it was really happening? Surely not?! Then realising the truth, and the painful feelings of being alone, betrayal, of feeling replaced - as if I were a broken toy.
I feel very sad really. Especially as I am housebound, and cannot make friends offline.
Has anybody else been left totally alone other than their spouse/partner?
(im lucky mine is incredible)
This epitomises how I feel
Dear Friends: Please Don't Leave Just Because I Have a Chronic Illness
#friendships #ChronicIllness #Loneliness #Depression #UCTD #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Autism #ADHD #ASD #AutoimmuneDisease #alone #CheckInWithMe #Sadness #housebound #Longtermillness #hi #Lupus #MixedConnectiveTissueDisease #Fatigue
#ChronicFatigue #ME
I just want to say that I work full time have a house full of well adjusted kids am mindful of a strict budget cook like a pro or at least a very good home cook and manage my disabled son and my own physical and emotional issues. No one appreciates me and apparently no one noticed that I’m a rock star. I wish I’d get a thank you. And FYI do you want flowers on the way out of cvs is worse than lame. Thanks for listening
How do you stop sadness and feeling sorry for yourself? I’m nearly 50 years old and when depression hits I can only think of the negative things and reasons why I should be sad. I can’t find a way out of this darkness # # #Depression #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #Fibromyalgia #Childhoodtrauma
My family amd friends notice ai repeat a lot. And it upset them or worries them?
I try my best to not keep repeating, but i just cant recall or it just becomes a subject that hard to redscrib in a setnece? Or i no know anymore?
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