#Depression #PTSD #MyFeelingsMatter #Anxiety #Depression
There is living and there is merely existing. I used to think that the only way was to push myself constantly. When I felt myself crashing, I would go into survival mode, pushing it all down. The daily hum and dings of life, the scheduling of each day, with no real downtime to reflect on the impact of some of the overwhelming insensitivity on behalf of another would be pushed down and eventually it would overflow, hence the crash. Job loss, quit this, quit that, just sleep, sleep, sleep. When I would have theses lapses, usually 3 times per year minimum, I would then retract, reflect and then slowly get back i to life, all without therapy, so this pattern became my reclusive effort. The meds were no longer working and I had no health insurance to cover therapy. Staying poor makes me eligible for a myriad of social services that I don’t otherwise qualify for. I’m finally giving myself permission to fall into these hands with a little more faith than I had before the crash.
Does this sound like a similar experience anyone has also had in their care and recovery from depression and anxiety? Am I alone in this??