MyFeelingsMatter

Volunteering with local kitty shelter once a month on Saturdays, the lead was unwelcoming and unkind. Would offer to get coffees for others and not me as I was standing directly beside her. Would take kittys from me as I was working with adoptees. After 4 months of her "abuse" my doctor's words resounded through my head "women are not wrong about these feelings." Contacted the volunteer coordinator and switched my days! I don't need that CRAP, I've already taken plenty.
#MyFeelingsMatter

It’s awful feeling so happy and energetic with life and feeling so depressed and tired of life at the same time. 24/7 #MentalHealth #BipolarDisorder #Depression

My PTSD is from long term childhood sexual abuse and neglect. The last event that threw me over the top was when my wife passed away 3-1/2 years ago on a Wednesday. I found her in her “man cave unresponsive. Now on Wednesday’s I have a very hard time dealing with things. I clock watch and wait for it to strike 5:40 PM because that’s when my life changed. How do I get past this? It’s so subconscious that I don’t realize what I’m doing until it’s too late. Even if I stay busy, my body still has reactions. I just want to be normal ish again. Any help or suggestions?

After two days of barely being able to stand up for a few minutes I was able to get some energy back and take a shower. It's like washing away some of the pain. #gettingbacktonormal

#Depression #PTSD #MyFeelingsMatter #Anxiety #Depression

There is living and there is merely existing. I used to think that the only way was to push myself constantly. When I felt myself crashing, I would go into survival mode, pushing it all down. The daily hum and dings of life, the scheduling of each day, with no real downtime to reflect on the impact of some of the overwhelming insensitivity on behalf of another would be pushed down and eventually it would overflow, hence the crash. Job loss, quit this, quit that, just sleep, sleep, sleep. When I would have theses lapses, usually 3 times per year minimum, I would then retract, reflect and then slowly get back i to life, all without therapy, so this pattern became my reclusive effort. The meds were no longer working and I had no health insurance to cover therapy. Staying poor makes me eligible for a myriad of social services that I don’t otherwise qualify for. I’m finally giving myself permission to fall into these hands with a little more faith than I had before the crash.

Does this sound like a similar experience anyone has also had in their care and recovery from depression and anxiety? Am I alone in this??

I used to look forward to December. Where I live, it’s summer, so everyone is getting ready to go away or head to our local beaches from the middle of this month until at least a week into 2019. I’m happy for them. But for me, it means another Christmas without my late wife, another New Year’s Day spent alone. A lot of days spent alone.
If I’m sounding a bit sorry for myself, it’s because I am. This definitely isn’t the way we planned it. And it definitely isn’t how I ever expected it to be. How I wish I could go back in time and appreciate our life more deeeply, knowing that every moment is precious and that nothing, nothing, should ever be taken for granted.
#MyFeelingsMatter

I was doing so well for a while then we had a family tragedy and I’ve been pushing for a week and it’s like I’ve never been good at all!! It reminds me that I’m really “chronic” and none of this helps my depression or anxiety. We’re not made to handle stress I guess.😢💔
#MyFeelingsMatter

I struggle on a daily basis to accept that I am not the reason that my wife was unfaithful. We are still together and she has her own issues that cause her to not be able to communicate her feelings (trauma as a kid) that I have found out about since we have entered counseling. BUT this chapter in our lives has changed and continues to change me. I never really looked for anything, emotionally - physically - materialistically, from anyone. I didn't think that it was ok to do so or express it. Since being in counseling I have learned that it is ok to share these wants and feelings. I dont know how to handle the feelings that result from no real response to my sharing, expressing, telling. It is not easy to share with the one that you love. For me I feel embarrassment and humiliation when I share but I try not to let those feelings prevent me from doing so. As I said this experience has changed me. I have developed a fairly serious case of anxiety and panic. I am finding myself having more social anxieties where and with people I did not have them with before. I find myself questioning my self-worth and my worth to others I hold dear to me. I percieve myself more as a tool or robot to those around me. A conduit through which my family, friends, and coworkers are able to obtain the things that they need and once they do I am marginalized until my services are needed again. I find myself asking why those people that I hold most dear don't listen to take care of me from time to time? Why those people in my life don't do special things for me on occasion? Why is it such a one-way-street? Why am I not special enough to be taken care of? Why are the things that I want to do or even need not able to be made a priority. These are rhetorical questions. Please don't feel the need to answer them. I'm just pissed off at my loved ones. I don't know how I ended up being so far down on their list of priorities that they never seem to get to me. WHY?!
#MyFeelingsMatter

Today I had a job interview for a position as a special education paraeducator for the local school district. Although the interview went well, I am nervous about what I am getting into especially when working with children. I also feel like an imposture for being an aide to special needs kids since I have issues and support needs of my own with autism and anxiety. I have to deal with the duality of being the help as well also receiving support. It is stressful to say the least. Anyone who has experience working with people have the same feelings of conflictedness like I’m feeling?