Neglect

Most of us spend our lives trying to avoid difficult things. We put off exercising because it's uncomfortable. We avoid difficult conversations because they're awkward. We neglect our mental health because sitting with our thoughts can feel overwhelming.

The problem is that avoiding those things doesn't make life easier. It usually replaces one challenge with another, and that challenge is often much harder.

The discomfort of exercise can become poor health. The discomfort of looking after your mental health can become years of unnecessary suffering. The discomfort of one honest conversation can become a relationship that slowly falls apart.

Life isn't about finding the easy path. It's about choosing the difficulties that build a better future instead of the ones that slowly make life harder.

What difficult thing have you been putting off that you know would improve your life if you finally faced it?

Also, if you're going through a tough time right now, I want you to know that I post daily mental health videos about how to deal with painful thoughts. So if you or anyone you know is struggling and wants help, click on one of the links below or write me if you have any questions you want me to answer:

www.instagram.com/thomas_of_copenhage

www.tiktok.com/@thomas_of_copenhagen

~ Thanks to all. Thanks for all. ~

#MentalHealth #MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #BipolarDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Addiction #dissociativedisorders #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #ADHD #Fibromyalgia #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #PTSD #Cancer #RareDisease #Disability #Autism #Diabetes #EatingDisorders #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #RheumatoidArthritis #Suicide #MightyTogether

By Rise Above Your Norm

“Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.” While this saying has become common, it carries a truth we often forget. Every behaviour has a story. Every reaction has a reason. Every person deserves to be treated with dignity.

As a social worker, I have witnessed firsthand how trauma shapes lives. I have worked with children, youth, adults, and families who were often labelled as “difficult,” “manipulative,” “non-compliant,” or “attention-seeking.” Yet, when you take the time to listen, you begin to understand that these behaviours are often survival strategies developed in response to overwhelming experiences.

Trauma-informed care is not about excusing behaviour. It is about understanding behaviour.

What Is Trauma?

Trauma is an emotional, psychological, or physical response to an event—or repeated events—that overwhelms a person’s ability to cope. Trauma can result from:

– Physical abuse
– Sexual abuse
– Emotional abuse
– Domestic violence
– Neglect
– Human trafficking
– Racism and discrimination
– Community violence
– Substance use within the family
– Childhood loss
– Poverty
– System involvement, including child welfare or justice systems

Not everyone experiences trauma the same way. Two people may live through the same event but respond differently depending on their age, support systems, previous experiences, and resilience.

According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA, 2023), trauma can have lasting effects on an individual’s mental, physical, emotional, social, and spiritual well-being.

Trauma Changes the Brain

Trauma is not simply a memory—it changes the way the brain and body function.

When someone experiences trauma, the brain becomes focused on survival.

The amygdala, responsible for detecting danger, becomes overactive.

The prefrontal cortex, responsible for reasoning, decision-making, and emotional regulation, becomes less effective during stress.

The hippocampus, which helps organize memories, may also be affected, making traumatic memories feel as though they are happening in the present.

This explains why someone may:

– Become angry quickly
– Shut down emotionally
– Dissociate
– Avoid relationships
– Misinterpret safe situations as dangerous
– Have difficulty trusting others

These are not character flaws.

They are survival responses.

What Is Trauma-Informed Care?

Trauma-informed care (TIC) is an approach that recognizes the widespread impact of trauma and responds by creating environments that promote healing rather than causing additional harm.

Instead of asking:

“What’s wrong with you?”

Trauma-informed care asks:

“What happened to you?”

Even better:

“What happened to you—and what do you need now?”

This shift changes everything.

The Six Principles of Trauma-Informed Care

SAMHSA identifies six key principles:

1. Safety

People need to feel physically and emotionally safe before healing can occur.

2. Trustworthiness and Transparency

Building trust requires honesty, consistency, and clear communication.

3. Peer Support

Healing often happens through relationships with people who have lived similar experiences.

4. Collaboration

Professionals work with people rather than making decisions for them whenever possible.

5. Empowerment, Voice, and Choice

People who have experienced trauma often had control taken away. Trauma-informed care restores dignity by giving individuals meaningful choices.

6. Cultural, Historical, and Gender Responsiveness

Trauma does not happen in isolation. Culture, colonization, racism, gender, and historical experiences all influence how trauma is experienced and healed.

Why Trauma-Informed Care Matters

When organizations fail to recognize trauma, they may unintentionally retraumatize the people they are trying to help.

Examples include:

– Using shame to change behaviour
– Isolating individuals
– Punishing emotional reactions
– Removing a person’s voice
– Threatening services
– Ignoring triggers
– Focusing only on compliance

These approaches often increase fear, mistrust, and emotional dysregulation instead of promoting healing.

Trauma-informed care asks professionals to slow down, remain curious, and respond with compassion while still maintaining appropriate boundaries and accountability.

Trauma-Informed Care in Child Welfare

Children involved with child welfare have often experienced multiple forms of trauma before entering care. Separation from family, placement changes, and uncertainty can add further stress.

Trauma-informed child welfare practice emphasizes:

– Building trusting relationships
– Maintaining predictable routines
– Supporting family connections when safe
– Listening to children’s voices
– Understanding behaviours as communication
– Collaborating with caregivers and community supports

A child who refuses to engage may not be defiant—they may be frightened.

A youth who lashes out may not be aggressive—they may be protecting themselves in the only way they have learned.

Trauma-Informed Care in Addiction

Trauma and addiction are closely connected. Many people use substances to numb emotional pain, reduce anxiety, or escape traumatic memories.

Recovery is often more successful when treatment addresses both trauma and substance use rather than focusing only on stopping the addiction.

Healing requires safety—not shame.

Healing Is Possible

Trauma changes the brain, but healing changes it too.

Research shows that supportive relationships, therapy, safe environments, emotional regulation skills, cultural connection, and hope can help rebuild neural pathways and improve well-being.

Healing is rarely linear.

Some days feel like progress.

Others feel like starting over.

But every step toward safety, connection, and self-compassion matters.

Final Thoughts

Trauma-informed care is not just a professional framework—it is a way of seeing people with humanity.

Imagine if schools, hospitals, shelters, child welfare agencies, workplaces, and justice systems all asked one simple question:

“What happened to you?”

Imagine the lives that could change.

Because behind every behaviour is a story.

Behind every story is a person.

And every person deserves the opportunity to heal.

At Rise Above Your Norm, I believe healing begins when we stop judging people’s survival strategies and start understanding the pain that created them. Trauma may shape our lives, but it does not have to define our future. With safety, compassion, connection, and hope, healing is always possible.

BigmommaJ
#traumainformedcare #MentalHealth

Lately, I’ve been getting outside more.

Which sounds simple, but for me, it hasn’t always been that easy.

More often than not, there is something within me that sees even simple things as a hassle. If I go outside, that means I have to stop whatever it is that I’m doing and make time for it. And when I’m hyperfocused on work, writing, or a project, I rarely want to do that.

It’s strange how I tend to neglect the things that would probably help me the most. I’ve never really understood why I do that, especially when I know that once I actually get outside, I’m happy.

I feel lighter, more focused, and more motivated.

The problem is always getting there.

I’ve always been someone who loves being comfy at home. I don’t really like to go out if I don’t have to. I like being in my own space.

And my safe space just so happens to be my room.

I’ve usually got my fan going because I overheat easily, my TV on in the background, and my computer right in front of me.

What can I say? It’s my little bubble of happiness.

But I’ve also realized that when I stay in that comfort zone for too long, my energy drops, my motivation disappears, and my world starts to feel a little smaller.

The other day, I decided to take advantage of my townhouse’s pool.

I love swimming. It’s always been my favorite form of exercise. But somehow, being comfortable inside often keeps me from it.

As a caregiver, my mom wanted to get some movement and therapy in by doing a little swimming. And honestly, doing that requires a lot of energy from both of us.

This was our first attempt at getting her into the pool, and long story short, it was exhausting—mentally and physically.

But once things settled and I got her back inside, I decided to stay by the pool for a little while.

I brought my portable speaker, some ice water, and a hat because my face burns ridiculously easily.

And honestly?

Just lying there on the chaise lounge, listening to my music and feeling the warmth of the sun against my skin helped re-center me.

It was peaceful.

There were no racing thoughts. No anxiety. No pressure to be productive.

I was simply there.

And it made me realize that I want—and deserve—more moments like that.

Moments that make me feel alive.

I think we sometimes put too much pressure on self-care.

We think going outside means we need to go on a long walk, hike a trail, or do some intense workout.

I used to think that way.

But going outside can look like different things:

Drinking your coffee on the patio.

Sitting in the sunshine for ten minutes.

Reading a book outside.

Gardening.

Taking a slow walk.

Eating a meal outdoors.

Sitting by the pool and doing absolutely nothing.

Those moments count.

I think that for many neurodivergent people, life can feel like a constant stream of stimulation.

We’re dealing with noises, screens, responsibilities, and thoughts that never seem to slow down.

Creating moments of quiet and connection can really help us reset.

For me, I’ve learned that sunshine, fresh air, and slowing down help me feel more grounded. They help me reconnect with myself.

You don’t have to spend hours outside every day, either.

Sometimes five or ten minutes is enough.

Enough to step away from everything for a little while.

I’m learning that some of the most meaningful things are often the simplest.

Sometimes self-care is stepping outside.

Feeling the sun on your skin.

Taking a few deep breaths.

Doing absolutely nothing.

Just being there.

And honestly?

I think I need more of that.

What is one simple habit that helps you feel more like yourself?

#MentalHealth #selfcare #Neurodiversity #Anxiety #ADHD #Autism #Mindfulness #MightyTogether

Image found on Google
“I can do this on my own.”

For many people struggling with addiction, those words feel empowering. They reflect determination, independence, and resilience. But addiction is one of the few battles where trying to fight alone often becomes part of the problem.

Addiction thrives in secrecy, isolation, and shame. Recovery thrives in connection, accountability, and support.

The truth is that most people do not recover because they are strong enough to do it alone. They recover because they become strong enough to ask for help.

Addiction Changes More Than Behaviour

Addiction is not simply a bad habit or a lack of willpower. Research shows that prolonged substance use affects areas of the brain involved in reward, motivation, memory, impulse control, and decision-making (Volkow et al., 2016).

As substances repeatedly activate the brain’s reward system, the brain begins to prioritize obtaining and using the substance over other important aspects of life, including relationships, health, work, and personal values. This helps explain why many individuals continue using despite severe consequences.

According to the ccsa.ca⁠, substance use disorders are complex health conditions influenced by biological, psychological, and social factors.

If addiction were simply a matter of wanting to quit badly enough, relapse would not be so common and treatment would not be necessary.

Addiction Distorts Thinking

One of the most difficult realities of addiction is that it affects the very tool needed to recognize the problem: the mind.

Addiction often creates distorted beliefs such as:

*”I can stop whenever I want.”

*”I’m not as bad as other people.”

*”Nobody can help me.”

*”One more time won’t hurt.”

*”I don’t need support.”

These thoughts are not necessarily character flaws; they are often symptoms of a condition that impacts judgment and insight (American Psychiatric Association, 2022).

Trying to recover alone while addiction continues influencing thoughts and decision-making can be like trying to navigate a maze while blindfolded.

Recovery Happens in Relationships

Humans are social beings. Connection is not a luxury—it is a biological need.
Research consistently demonstrates that social support is one of the strongest predictors of successful recovery outcomes (Kelly et al., 2017).

Individuals who have supportive relationships and participate in recovery communities tend to experience higher rates of sustained sobriety than those attempting recovery alone.

Support can come from:

*Family members

*Friends

*Peer support groups

*Sponsors

*Therapists

*Addiction counselors

*Treatment programs

*Recovery communities

The opposite of addiction is not simply sobriety.

Many experts argue that the opposite of addiction is connection.

Trauma Cannot Heal in Isolation

For many individuals, addiction is not the primary problem—it is an attempt to manage deeper pain.

Research has repeatedly linked childhood adversity, abuse, neglect, violence, and other traumatic experiences with increased risk of substance use disorders (Felitti et al., 1998).

Substances often become a way to numb emotional pain, regulate overwhelming feelings, or escape traumatic memories.

While addiction may develop in isolation, trauma recovery frequently occurs within safe and supportive relationships. Trust, emotional regulation, vulnerability, and healthy coping skills are often learned through connection with others.

Healing requires more than removing the substance; it requires addressing the pain underneath it.

The Shame Cycle

Perhaps the greatest barrier to seeking help is shame.

Shame tells people:

“If people knew the truth about me, they would reject me.”

As a result, many individuals withdraw from others and attempt to manage addiction privately.

Unfortunately, isolation tends to strengthen both addiction and shame.
Research from camh.ca⁠, highlights that stigma remains one of the most significant barriers preventing individuals from accessing treatment and support.

The more people hide, the more alone they feel.

The more alone they feel, the more they may turn to substances.

The cycle continues.

Connection interrupts that cycle.

Independence Is Not Recovery

Society often praises self-reliance.

We admire people who overcome challenges on their own. We celebrate independence and toughness.

But addiction is not a challenge that rewards isolation.

No one expects a person with a broken bone to heal through determination alone. No one expects someone experiencing heart disease to simply “try harder.”

Addiction deserves the same understanding.

Seeking treatment, attending meetings, participating in counseling, or asking for support is not weakness.

It is evidence of strength.

Rising Above the Norm

The norm says:

Hide your struggles.

Keep your pain private.

Figure it out yourself.

Don’t let anyone see you struggling.

At Rise Above Your Norm, we challenge that thinking.

Real strength is not carrying every burden alone.

Real strength is recognizing when support is needed and having the courage to reach for it.

Recovery begins when isolation ends.
Reflection

Many people spend years waiting until they are “better” before asking for help.
They believe they must first prove they can stop using, get their life together, or become worthy of support.

Addiction does not work that way.
Support is not the reward for recovery.
Support is often the pathway to recovery.

Every day, individuals struggling with addiction convince themselves they can handle it alone. Some eventually discover that they cannot—and that realization often becomes the turning point that saves their lives.
The goal is not to prove strength through isolation.
The goal is to build strength through connection.

Call to Action

If addiction has convinced you that asking for help is a sign of weakness, challenge that belief today.

*Reach out to one trusted person

*Attend one recovery meeting

*Call one counselor

*Send one text

*Take one step

You do not have to know how the entire journey, it will unfold.

You only need enough courage to take the next step—and enough humility to recognize that you do not have to do it alone.

BigmommaJ
#AddictionRecovery #MentalHealth

I’ve spent most of my life believing I need to improve. Like I needed to change to be a better version of myself. I felt there was always another habit to build, another system to fix, another goal to reach. And honestly, it was exhausting living that way.

There was a time when I was constantly looking for ways to improve my daily routine. I would always start out with great ideas, curating the perfect plan and executing it on paper. I wanted to make my life more productive, steady, and something to be proud of. But when it came to follow through, I ignored it completely. Every single time.

I’d always get so excited to buy a new planner and fill up the pages with daily tasks to keep me in check throughout the day. To give me structure. To provide a sense of security.

I remember actually going to Office Depot and browsing the office supply section. I’d grab highlighters, pens, Post-it tabs, everything to make it “perfect.” And of course, I’d find a beautiful planner. I’d go home so giddy to start putting it all together and making the best routine for myself.

Morning

• Wake up and have my cup of coffee

• Take a shower, brush my teeth, get dressed

• Make a healthy breakfast

Afternoon

• Go to work/school/errands/appointments

• Grab or make lunch

• Rest for an hour (write, watch TV, be still)

Evening

• Go on an evening walk to get my steps in

• Cook a healthy dinner

• Do my nightly skincare routine

• Read until bedtime

Sounds like a good schedule for my particular needs.

But I’d usually stick with it for one or two days, and then completely neglect it. Either from lack of motivation, finding it exhausting, or just losing interest altogether. And every time it happened, it felt less like a small slip and more like confirmation that I couldn’t keep anything together the way I wanted to.

When Self-Improvement Starts Feeling Like Self-Criticism

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting to grow because growth can be beautiful. But somewhere along the way, I started treating every part of my life like a problem that needed solving.

If I was tired, I needed a better routine like the one above. If I was overwhelmed, I needed better time management. And if I was struggling emotionally, I needed to work harder on myself. I was always looking for an answer. Always trying to optimize and fix.

But sometimes life isn’t asking us to improve. Sometimes it’s asking us for rest.

And I don’t think I understood that for a long time. I thought rest was something I had to earn after I got everything right.

The Pressure to Be Better All the Time

We live in a world that constantly tells us we should be improving—work harder, stay fit, build better habits, become your best self. And while none of those things are bad, it can start to feel like we’re never allowed to simply exist. Like who we are right now is never enough.

I’ve always viewed productivity as the key to “making it” in the world. I thought the more success you had, the better life you’d lead.

I’d constantly compare myself and measure myself against other people’s success, and I always felt so behind. Instead of pushing forward, I slowly started pulling back—not because I didn’t care, but because it felt like I was already failing no matter how hard I tried.

I felt like I could never be like those people because I processed everything slower than others. I didn’t have that energy, that gusto, to succeed the way others were so passionate about it. I put myself into a category of shame and guilt for being so “lazy.”

I sat back and watched others perform well, while I rested instead, but even rest didn’t feel like rest. It felt like guilt sitting quietly in the background the entire time.

It was just too much pressure, too much mental exhaustion, too much self-doubt and fear of criticism. I just couldn’t bring myself to get out there and succeed at life.

What I Was Really Looking For

When I look back, I don’t think I was searching for a better routine. I think I was searching for peace. I thought the perfect system would make me feel calm. I thought the perfect planner would make me feel organized. But peace didn’t come from optimizing everything. It came from just letting things be.

And that realization almost felt simple, but it took me a long time to actually believe it.

What Slow Living Has Taught Me

Slow living has taught me that not everything needs improvement. Some things just need acceptance, patience, and time.

I’ve stopped trying to turn every hobby into a goal. I’ve stopped trying to make every day productive. And I’ve stopped treating rest like something I have to earn. And my life is better because of it.

Not perfect. Just softer. More livable.

What My Life Looks Like Now

Now I’m more interested in comfort than optimization. I care more about how my life feels than how it looks.

• I enjoy slow mornings

• Comfort food

• Walks without a destination

• Reading without turning it into a challenge

• Resting without justifying it

I still have a lot of goals. I still want to grow. But I’m no longer trying to squeeze every drop of productivity out of every moment.

For years, I thought peace was something I had to earn through discipline or the right routine. Something waiting for me once I finally got my life together.

Now I think peace was here all along.

I just couldn’t feel it because I was so busy trying to improve everything.

And maybe that’s what I’m learning now.

I don’t need to become someone else to have a meaningful life. I just need to stop treating my life like something that’s constantly falling short.

What part of your life are you still trying to “fix,” and what would it feel like to let it simply be for a while?

“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”— Carl Rogers

#MentalHealth #selfcare #Neurodiversity #MightyTogether

I posted several days ago about how a cowbird placed its egg in a wrens nest. Cowbirds don’t care for their own babies. They neglect them. The cowbird and 3 wrens hatched in the nest. Unfortunately for the cowbird baby, house wrens are vegetarian. Cowbirds need high protein, so the baby starved to death. The house wren babies are flourishing.
My heart breaks for the baby bird who didn’t make it. It isn’t fair. Babies need nurturing from their mothers. I wish I’d gotten it from my own mom. I’ll always feel that void. Oh, I can learn to deal with it, say it wasn’t my fault, live my life. But even Jesus had a mom who never gave up on him. He didn’t experience what I did. But yet, I hold onto this verse:
Psalm 27:10 "Even if my father and mother abandon me, the Lord will hold me close."