With help I feel a little bit better
With help I feel a little bit better
Embarrassed at work
New job headache
It’s officially been a week, and my new job confuses me. I’m not sure who to talk to becuase I get so much conflicting information it makes me chest tight with anxiety.
I’m also super bummed out becuase I found a volunteer position at this new job to help out when not working and my coworkers completly pooped all over me.
I get it, she’s so much older than me and has been doing this job since the early 90’s and is set in her ways and also doesn’t know me from a whole in the wall so how can she know what this volunteer position means to me. But to completly tear me down becuase of it is shame on her.
So needless to say this new job is a lot of ups and downs, which most jobs are, as well as lots of learning. But in the end I’m not sure if I’m happy, I think I’m happy that I’m working again and making money to help better myself but I’m not so sure about this position and maybe it’s really the confusing people I work with. :(
I recently started a new job, it’s okay. However I take this vacation in July and when I was hired I told them about this vacation, they originally had no problem with me taking this vacation. Since starting now they are giving me lots of flack for this only vacation I take in the summer.
Needless to say I’m extremely upset. I’m a custodian and nervous about what to say to this new job about this vacation.
Sick with the thought that everything about me is too much. I didn’t get called in for work tomorrow at my new job and I just keep thinking it must be because I’m too much, too boisterous, too loquacious and it affects my work ethic and I look like I don’t care but I do and I can get distracted. Now I regret being who I am. I know that’s a leap, and harsh and a judgment probably. It’s how I feel though.
I quiet my job today.
Why? I wanted to focus on my mental health and was unable to do that. Nothing it worth the deteriorates mess I was constantly on edge feeling like a burden and wanting everything to end.
Now I feel like I can see and breath again. It a wonderful feeling.
I already have a new job lined up and am looking forward to whatever happens next.
I started a new job last week. Wherever I serve food or sling drinks I'm quickly out in charge of making sure everyone is in the same page. This industry is cutthroat and I'm usually involuntarily put into a lead server position I really don't want. It stresses me out. I'm very good at what I do. I'm also highly sensitive. I let one bad customer or small criticism from a coworker quickly put me in tears. So being the new girl at a job is a lot like being the new girl in high school. Whispers and curiousity are natural until it becomes mean or jealousy
Again I'm very good at what I do. I would not have been doing it for 25 years i couldn't pay the bills with it. But.... I'm starting to have doubts about myself. I think sometimes I try to hard because my disorder puts so much chaos in my personal life work is all I have for normalcy. I over compensate. I know it. I despise when other people can see it. It's rare but the sad thing is I think they all think I'm on some kind of drug. I take no psych meds. They ruined my life. The endless guinea pig took a lasting toll on me. I'm forgetful and I have noticeable tartdive dyskenisia. I never feel comfortable disclosing my BP diagnosis and anxiety until it threatens my job. It always does and I've been fortunate and unfortunate in the managers and owners that have understood or just ignored me until I quit coming. I've only been fired 2x. We all know that bipolar people switch jobs more than they take showers;). Feeling very out of place and doing things my way become my biggest paranoid issues. I feel like people are staring or gossiping about me. Sometimes I've caught them. Sometimes it's all in my head. The toll this work has taken on my body is painful. I'm only 40. My fiance doesn't make enough money to support us both or we don't have money for trips or Walmart sometimes. I don't know. I just needed to get this out.
New job anxiety.
I start a new job tomorrow. I’m naturally a little anxious about it, but I’m mostly anxious because of covid, I’ve worked from home for over a year, now I’m going back into an office (for now at least), and that isn’t helping the anxiety, I know the company will look after me but I can’t help but be more worried than usual, being in a more crowded environment for the first time in a while. #Anxiety , #COVID #Newjob , #feelings