myturn

#Guilt . My husband has been ill for close to 10 years #chronicillness. I have become his #Carer &. I resent it, also #resentment because he has done this to himself. #binging on #junkfood & inactivity have ruined his health. He knew it but couldn’t control the #Addiction to food. Now all of his major organs are shutting down. He has been #neardeath 3 times in the past year. We are looking at #nursinghomes . I #resent that our lives have changed. I love my husband, but he’s always been a #difficultcompanion. I’ve had to do without many things that were important to my #Happiness & now I’m still having to devote all of my time to #beinghiscarer . When will it be #myturn ? Obviously I feel #disgustedwithmyself for thinking this way. And feel #Shame . To admit to it.

Yesterday was a write off. I had so many plans but you decided you were mad. I wanted to go out and have a good time but you didn't want to.

I am tired of being tired because of you.
I am tired of being a shell of myself because of you.
I am tired of not seeing hope because of you.

I know you are not fully awake yet but I am here to tell you I have planned a happy day. I am sure you are going to keep trying to convince me I was not meant to be happy, but I think it's time you realize you are wrong. Not only was I meant to be happy but I deserve to be happy.

Today is not your day it is mine and I intend to do something that will make me happy.

Love
Me