NarsissisticParent

I have been no contact with my mother for years. I'm 57,and I've been going back and forth since I left the home at 14. This time no contact 5 years. Until I discovered,the personality disorder. More and more of the pieces of the puzzle are coming together. Old memories are coming back of her gaslighting,smeer campaign, no empathy, jealousy, no apologies,no accountability, and on and on. The trauma is still there,but having name for the behavior,has helped, sooooo much. Still finding more and more puzzle pieces. This is still new. When I first read about the condition. Out of nowhere an ancient Hawaiian prayer, popped up on my FB feed. I don't know that I remember it word for word,but this is the jist of it.
I love you, and I love me. I forgive you and I forgive me. I'm sorry for any role I played in this. I set you free. I signed it, until we meet again,my every ending love. Lizzie.
The most difficult part is, old friends and any relationship I've been in long term. Is these people guilting me to go contact again. No one seems to understand,or cares to understand that I go no contact to protect myself from additional new trauma. The last time I made very clear boundaries and she nodded her head yes. It didn't take long, for her to push the envelope,and in a flash, for her to get the bulldozer out and plow through the boundaries. Thank you for listening and I hope this helps someone else.

I need some support, and advise. I don’t like calling him out, because I love him, but I know I can be vulnerable with you all, because you get it. My dad is someone who has brought great trauma in my life, and great joy at times. I’m a grown woman, and life has been a consistent roller coaster with him. He has many untreated mental illnesses, and severe trauma from his past. I think my empathy for him opens me up for the trauma that he brings. I guess. That was painful to say. That is the tiniest backstory I can surmise related to him. I post this because I have written him a letter telling him I am taking a break from him relationally until he gets help, and chooses to be different to the people who love him. I have a child. I do not want her to grow up around the verbal abuse that I did. My mom is very much centered around it, and her relationship is everything to me. I think by sending the letter, it will make him angry. He will explode in subtle, and not so subtle ways. I just don’t want my mom to not prey victim of him because I said no to protect my family. Because I want to protect her too; and I just want him to not hurt anymore. Not really sure what I’m asking, other than. What are your thoughts/advise? #Abuse #PanicAttack #freedom