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He rescued me...

Until his mental and psychological abuse started taking over. Now it feels worse than the physical abuse I received from other men. Bruises heal, words stay on replay in your mind forever. I had a full on breakdown not that long ago and some of the things he said to me after that were just too much. He calls me mean and nasty, he calls me a bitch, he's said I'm "a piece of work", a pathological liar... He said something about my body not long ago that makes me feel a million times more self conscious than I did before he ever said those words to me. He treats me more like a maid or that I'm an ordinary person and not his wife and constantly says he's going to leave and/or divorce me if I don't get our house "in order" and do it pretty much by myself because that's my "job" as a stay at home wife and mother. The depression, sadness and defeat I feel is the worse I have ever felt in my life. I don't know who this man is anymore. I cry every day, multiple times a day. The panic/anxiety attacks are unreal and I have to hide them the best I can because if I take even take my dr prescribed medication, he'll still call me an addict, but he can have the hell does that work?? I feel like an elephant is sitting on my chest 24 hours a day. Of course he can talk trash to me, be condescending, narcissistic, conniving, call me names, get in my face, have an attitude or yell at me but God forbid I stand up for myself...

#Narcisist #verbalabuse #Controlling #EmotionalAbuse #MentalHealth #selfconcious #Depression #Anxiety #PanicAttacks #worthless #unloved #PTSD

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not sure how much more i can take TW for emotional abuse entailing

I'm home from school for winter break. this break has been absolutely hell for me. my parents are pretty verbally absuive and the main thing they've hyper focused on for years now is my weight. they've been harassing me non stop about it because they're upset i didn't lose weight. they didn't gift me anything this christmas because they were mad i didn't lose the weight but gifted each other stuff. they have been yelling at me non stop since i got home and have been saying all these harmful things that have been taking a huge time on me. they go on about how i've been terrorizing them this semester and i never when to quit and that they're tired of me as a whole and done and if i don't quit i'm gonna have to find somewhere else to live cause he's not gonna pay for it. and then they go on to say all i've done is eat eat eat and its causing my face to explode and my stomach to explode and he went on a tangent about that and ended it off with "i hope you see it in yourself everything you go to the bathroom or look in the mirror". this entire break they've just be reiterating these things to me over and over again and i'm not sure how much i can take. they keep comparing me to my friends and say that they hope to see how bigger i am from my friends and how different i look from my friends. my dad says i'm killing him and he won't stand for being abused any longer so if this semester there isn't a change, i'm gonna be kicked out and have to figure out a way to pay for school and somewhere to live because i won't be welcome home. tomorrow's my birthday and all he's done today is yell at me because he got mad i didn't call my schools dietitian. he says i should be ashamed of my self and i don't know what shame is. i doubt i'll get anything like with christmas. i just want to go back to school. i just feel like all i do is disappoint them and i'm a horrible person and they're not afraid to verbalize that either. #Depression #Anxiety #verbalabuse

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My ptsd nightmares are getting worse with therapy. But I think its because I'm talking about things finally. Its difficult. I wake up shaking, crying, terrified.. You've been dead since 2008, and yet you still live in my nightmares. Your eyes are still so icy cold and your voice is still so loud... #CPTSD #Childhoodtrauma #EmotionalAbuse #verbalabuse #Nightmares #PTSD

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Just watched a very disturbing video shown on a local news website. #TriggerWarnings #ignorancetowardsmentalhealth #Anxiety #verbalabuse

As an HSP I have to limit how much news I watch. I actually do not actively watch the news. I go to YouTube or websites of local news channels to stay somewhat informed of what’s happening.

I have done this for years as I became aware of how much it negatively impacted my mood. This was even before starting to learn about what it meant to have the HSP survival trait.

The video taken by a customer at restaurant trying to stop the owners of that restaurant in physically trying to kick out another customer with a service dog. This is 2021 the ignorance and aggression in their tone of voice, the words they were spewing and the physical actions by the owners of this restaurant was disgusting.

I definitely got triggered just watching the interaction. I feel sadness, hurt, frustration, anger. That is me just watching someone else’s painful interaction. I feel powerless, disgust……who knows what other emotions in which I’m unable to identify and articulate.

Overall it maybe the fact that I connect with how my mental health issues and struggles are not understood by my family and several friends. If I get triggered by their words or actions I’ve been conditioned to keep my upset to myself. So I guess this was just disturbing because ai felt so bad for what was happening to this man. That he did not deserve to be treated so badly. Then the other parts that triggered me where I’m enmeshed feeling like it was happening to me. I’m not always aware of what shift my mood. This time I’m so consciously aware how this just magnified my personal feelings of how I have been treated because of my mental health. Add the extra layer of being HSP and much deeper we see and feel things is really challenging right now.

#Depression #CPTSD #emotionallyoverwhelmed #recoveringadultchild #sufferedinsilence #Fear #Grief #adultchildofdysfunction


Said Goodbye to Toxic Relationship #Depression #EmotionalAbuse

I recently got out of the hospital for #Depression #Anxiety #SuicidalIdeation . I had an eleven day stay. I just got home last Wednesday. I learned a lot about boundaries and communicating my feelings and needs. I got my medication changed a bit. I left feeling so much better...stronger.

I set up boundaries with my toxic friend, only for him to steal from me. He gave me back my car keys and key to my apartment. But during his last visit he stole them back and then took my vehicle. He brought it back thankfully. I got all my keys back and am getting my locks changed. The relationship is Over...I finally had enough...enough of the abuse and enough strength to put an end to it.

I feel sad, hurt, angry, betrayed. I feel sad because I do love him and want good for him. But I know in order for me to stay emotionally well, it has to be over. I will greive my loss. The loss of companionship, the loss of who I used to be before we ever met, the many years of my life lost because I was too #codependent and anxious to leave it.

I'm grateful though to get back to living life without #verbalabuse #EmotionalAbuse . I'm learning I'm stronger and more courageous than I ever knew.

#toxicrelationship #Depression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Anxiety


Need a break

I really need a break right now but I can’t because I need to wake up and go to school everyday and face all of it I really can’t endure it anymore it feels like the only way I can escape is ya you know it’s getting worse #Depression #SuicidalThoughts #PTSD #PsychologicalAbuse #verbalabuse


One week off #verbalabuse #isolationship

I asked, no, I took a week off from this cycle of getting demands that I can’t do anything with and being told how wrong I do it all. It all just felt too much like punishment and not enough just simple love. I tried to practice some self care. The response was a long email that told me I am a selfish human being and I was told again that he is going to leave me and never return. Then later I got a phone call from his mental health worker. He had serious concerns. We don’t know if he is going to be found and what state he will be in. Well, this selfish human being is now up waiting to hear from a search team on the other side of the world and is worried.


When does all the negativity became ABUSE?

Right now my spouse is under a LOT OF extra stress at work, stress he does not know how to manage and deal with socially. So his normal picking and criticizing on me has gone from a 3 to "11."

I'm from a hyper critical and neglectful home. I became a people pleaser and care taker as a result. Of course, constantly defending myself or explaining WHY I made a everyday little decisions is exhausting. He is more controlling than he will admit. With the autism he wants things to always go the way HE EXPECTS and life isn't like that.

When I am now standing up to him and learning assertiveness that is seen as DISRESPECT. Geez. He is so very sensitive and result offended. And yes, we are seeing a counselor, someone familiar with autism. But it is a S L o w process. I just want to get thru each day without him finding fault with me access complaining at me for everything ALL FUCKING DAY. Sorry. I just feel so overwhelmed exhausted derided and defeated. He says it's not his fault I feel these things cause it's my CHOICE how I feel. I believe it's my choice how I RESPOND. But he is not wanting to tale any ownership for his actions, bc to his way of thinking, he is just speaking logically.

Sigh...problem is all he ever notices and mentions is a constant litany of complaints. And it's not the complaints, so much as the expectation of an explanation so we can "discuss" how to keep that from happening again. Have u done this yet? WHY didn't u pick that up yet? Why did u do that? Why isn't dinner ready on time? Aauuuuggghhh! Ladies I feel so very depleted.

#spousewithaspbergers #Abuse ,domestic #verbalabuse #mentalabuse #PsychologicalAbuse


My therapist just confirmed that I get verbal #abused

My therapist confirmed that I get verbal abused by my parents, especially by my mother. And I'm just not shocked and shocked at the same time. I just don't know how to react to it. It's insane that I really get abused, but at the same time I kinda knew it already and it wasn't much of a surprise for me. Maybe someone experienced the same, I'm just lost. 🤷‍♀️
#verbalabuse #verbalabusesurvivor #Abuse #emotional mental abuse #lost #Thought #teenager #Parents #mother #abusedbyparents


Mental abuse from family?

I'm feeling already bad to post this, because I think I'm overreacting. But I just read many articles about mental/verbal abuse from parents/the family and most of it sounds very familiar. I feel like they abuse me verbal, but at the same time, I know, that they love me. So they can't abuse me, right? How can I be sure? #verbalabuse #MentalHealth #mentalabuse #Abuse #Parents #Family #ChildhoodAbuse